sticky meaty rice wrapped in a bamboo leaf

Yep, very much like Asian risotto really, with the leaf containing it all.

Usually staffed with scantily clad, nubile young women

No mascots sadly, truckers tend not to go for those :( I don't think it's betel, but it'll be something similar.

Heineken mixed with frothy milk

I'd be surprised if the bar does it, but I could ask.

I bought a postcard of a rabbit that looks like he has been turned into a sex doll

I'll try and scan it, it is scary.

no one was in the school at the time

Very much so, the earthquake struck at 1:47am, not sure if that was a good or bad thing really.

so I got to observe the whole structure in intimate detail

Yep, there are many photos.

a yellow jelly product that tasted a bit like ear wax

It was horrible, you don't want to try it :P