lupestripe (
lupestripe) wrote2009-09-08 11:43 am
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Coming Out: Gay Or Furry
Because I came out as gay and furry at the same time, I don't know which one caused a greater problem with my parents. My Dad didn't care but my Mum had an issue with something. To be honest, I think it is more with furry than with me being gay (as she had gay friends at college and was perplexed by the furry thing) but it's difficult to be 100% sure.
I have heard from a few friends that they would find it far more difficult to come out as a furry than to come out as gay. Why this is, I am not too sure. It may be because homosexuality is becoming increasingly accepted in the Western World and it is now something that most people don't fear. In fact, many accept it as being "normal". Meanwhile, furry is far more niche.
But then to some, furry is merely an interest or hobby rather than a lifestyle. In some ways, it is no different to being into heavy metal or football or whatever. So why does it cause so many problems regarding coming out as a fur? I accept the media has portrayed a scewed image of furry but then, the same could be said for things like heavy metal or football. All heavy metal fans are Satanists, right? And football fans are all hooligans. Exactly. Yet coming out as a football fan or a heavy metal is going to be greeted by most parents with indifference.
It's an interesting dichotomy. Does anyone have any views or has anyone had any experiences with this?
I have heard from a few friends that they would find it far more difficult to come out as a furry than to come out as gay. Why this is, I am not too sure. It may be because homosexuality is becoming increasingly accepted in the Western World and it is now something that most people don't fear. In fact, many accept it as being "normal". Meanwhile, furry is far more niche.
But then to some, furry is merely an interest or hobby rather than a lifestyle. In some ways, it is no different to being into heavy metal or football or whatever. So why does it cause so many problems regarding coming out as a fur? I accept the media has portrayed a scewed image of furry but then, the same could be said for things like heavy metal or football. All heavy metal fans are Satanists, right? And football fans are all hooligans. Exactly. Yet coming out as a football fan or a heavy metal is going to be greeted by most parents with indifference.
It's an interesting dichotomy. Does anyone have any views or has anyone had any experiences with this?
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But then I wonder exactly what secrets she conceals herself!
Nah, she never had a problem with the furry thing. Quite the contrary, she demonstrated a shocking interest in some of the finer 'art'.
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Football and metal have been around awhile, they know not all of them are bad.. But I know they've never met a furry and just a little googling would have them convinced all furs are gay dogfuckers who only fursuit to have sex in them.
Then they'd be all, "well I read THIS on the Internet so of course it's true!!!"
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I find that the absolute worst folks to deal with as a furry end up being... teenagers. Mostly because they get all their social interaction and information EXCLUSIVELY from the internet, and haven't developed the mental acumen to realize not everything written online is true, or that a single Google Image Search is not sufficient research, or that 4chan stopped being funny / having original content a long time ago.
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Put another way, there may be some clichés and stereotypes, but there's not going to be any wild and absurd fantasies.
Heavy metal or football show how this works, too: media portrayals and bias nonwithstanding, the average, reasonably open-minded person will know that not all heavy metal fans are satanists (although I doubt most would know what satanism actually is, and what it is not), that not all soccer fans are hooligans, and so on.
Contrast this with BDSM, too: coming out as being into that (as a lifestyle, not just as in "I like it when my partner handcuffs me while we have sex") is much more difficult (IMO) than coming out as gay, simply because people will have so many misconceptions and stupid ideas about it.
1. As opposed to non-ignorant rednecks from Bumfuck, Alabama, so to any redneck from Bumfuck, Alabama reading this, please don't feel offended or as if this applies to you unless you are ignorant, too. :)
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It doesn't even make any kind of logical sense inside my own head except perhaps as a hang-over from childhood and that's not the easiest thing to admit to.
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CSI...MTV's Sex2k special...Spike TV's "1000 Ways to Die" segment...plus this added notion:
Adult parading around in cute, furry costume+ children---> sexual predator.
One friend of mine had his suit literally destroyed while he was in it because the people attacking him thought he was a child molestor due to the costume.
Compared to all that, being gay would be much easier for someone to deal with.
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I guess if you said what it is that makes you say you're furry then it would be easier to comment. For me it's all about costumes and to a lesser extent art and that furs tend to be of a similar mindset so I have a lot of friends in the fandom.
I find it hard to think of how it would be something so important that you'd have to come out as it. It's just something I do for a hobby really, what exactly is a furry lifestyle? Is it papering your house with furry art? Watching nothing but The Lion King? Crawling around on all fours around the house? Only buying products with an animal on the box? I've no idea. It's such an amorphous vague thing.
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I think that's the case for a lot of furs. Mothers are funny that way, at least mine was.
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As to me being gay she couldn't care a crap. About furry she was interested in knowing what was that about exactly (which is perfectly understandable when you have no idea about it is about) and if it was a hobby, a lifestyle, etc (for me it's more like a hobby, a very special one, but a hobby). My Dad was a bit meh about the gay stuff at first because he was worried I could have problems out there, but other than that he's perfectly fine. About furry he says I'm a bit nuts (nothing new here anyhow, I've never been "normal" xD) but he's even put on part the suit, so... ;P
They're perfectly okay with it all, and my Mum totally loves my suit also, me going to cons (hell, I have travelled more this last year than I did in my whole life!). But actually, everyone I've told about furry so far has shown a very positive reaction and that includes my family, relatives, non-fur friends, ex co-workers and my parents' friends, so that's a high amount of people :P
I'm sure it helps the fact that the first time they've ever heard about furry has been from me and not from the media, and I do better than talking about the oddest part of the fandom and in a negative and mocking way *smirks* :P
I honestly don't get what's wrong with being a fur. You get to know people all over the glove, travel a lot and get to know a lot of places, not to mention it's a *ton* of fun! :P
Hell, the first time I saw a video of fursuiters I was at my college's dorm and the first thing I did was calling my friends there and showing the video and telling them that I *SOOO* wanted to do that too! xD And no one freaked out, in fact we ended up watching some more videos, haha!
I understand people being afraid to tell their parents about furry if they happen to be highly conservatives (and the guys in question being economically dependant of their folks), but in that case they should be afraid of telling their parents about just *ANYTHING* that's a just a weeeeeeee bit out of the path of the "normality", and not just about furry :P
Dunno, each person is a whole world on its own so... *shrugs* :)
So far I've never had any problems and for that I'm thankful :)
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Outside of my family, a handful of co-workers and a number of non-furry friends know about both these aspects of my life. It's not that I make an effort to tell them about my personal affairs - rather, I'm not known for being shy and retiring, so sometimes these things just slip out, as it were. >;) Only two friends have ever shunned me, and I can only think of one incident where I was given grief for my sexual orientation, and it didn't involve violence.
My father is another kettle of fish entirely: he thinks that I make baby Jesus cry, and I think that's awesome. >;)
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I tend to keep the whole furry thing on the low in places like work, they know I go to conventions and such but there's no way I'd ever wear my suit to work :D
I do have fears of being outed as a fur, but I try not to let it concern me - I worry too much about everything else anyway :D
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mumcat knew i was gay before i told her and she was ok about it. dad (he died a few years before that) probably wouldn't have been ok about it...
i've not really discussed furry with her - she knows that i am 'puddy tat' on bits of the web, and that some (non fur) friends refer to me as puddy and to her as mumcat, although i've been 'puddy' on the web since before i found the furdom.
mumcat also has a semi feline identity on one or two bits of the web, and signs her e-mails to me with =^.^= and we occasionally get each other cat plushies. i am not sure whether she might want to get herself a tail if i did discuss the furdom with her...
the opportunity for her to meet any of my fur friends hasn't arisen yet, so dunno.
as for the sexual side of the furdom (although for me the furdom isn't really something sexual) - i wouldn't think of discussing with mumcat the exact detail of what i do in bed (or wherever i do it) and broadly speaking i don't think parents want to know exactly what their adult child is 'into' any more than the average person wants to know what their parents are 'into'...
=( '.' )=
My distinct pet peeve for anyone trying to make "Being Furry" sound like "Being Gay" aside...
1) I made a very concious, deliberate attempt to help people associate furry more with Anime as opposed to, y'know, anything (ridiculously) sexual...
2) I'm a short, perky girl, which further tends to mindfuck with anyone who actually DOES think furries are freaks. Once they're good and jarred, the healing can begin ;)
I also don't fursuit or own ears or a tail, (more because I'm picky than anything else...), but it helps people see me as "saner" than even most catgirls.
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