twice I have found myself.... wishing to exist... purely for the pleasure of someone else.. letting them set the game and the rules (wiht in reason)
which is.... as you should realise by now.... kinda contrary to my regular personality.... where I play on my terms by my rules
if that is not a form of self-minipulaton... I don't know what is
someone can't force you to love them... but you would be supprised how little your own life matters.... if it's the right someone and how much you would give.... even the world is not enough in payment for their happyness
I tend to get a sense of perspective though. I find it painfully difficult to trust and I also have a sense of realism about things. I am often scared that things will fall through and this stops me from enjoying the moment so many times. I agree with what you say though, sometimes things have happened in my life as you describe.
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lupestripe) wrote2009-09-24 10:32 am
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twice I have found myself.... wishing to exist... purely for the pleasure of someone else.. letting them set the game and the rules (wiht in reason)
which is.... as you should realise by now.... kinda contrary to my regular personality.... where I play on my terms by my rules
if that is not a form of self-minipulaton... I don't know what is
someone can't force you to love them... but you would be supprised how little your own life matters.... if it's the right someone and how much you would give.... even the world is not enough in payment for their happyness
no subject
no subject
I make dam sure I know what I'm doing first and that it is really worth that much..... that I have no doubts about what I'm doing
but in the moments....I suppose I just don't think...about anything but the pleasure of that moment
the rest of the world can go to hell for as long as that moment lasts