The Word 'Gay'

[lupestripe]

When did the word 'gay' start to be used to describe something bad or to be ridiculed? And isn't the repeated use of the word in this way a tacit acceptation of discrimination? The fact that the word was used repeatedly during my secondary schools days in such a negative way caused untold problems when it eventually came to accepting my sexuality. I rarely agree with Peter Tatchell but I think the overuse of the word in the playground and online to describe bad things sometimes does have negative connotations. Or am I just suffering from a humour by-pass?

Comments

[tr-wolf.livejournal.com]

Late 90s methinks.

[simbab.livejournal.com]

Or at least thereabouts, it was used when I was in middle school around that time.

[haunter-uk.livejournal.com]

By the early 90s, I think. I recall it being used in primary school.

[balto-mike.livejournal.com]

Its amusing to think a word originally used to describe a 'happy' feeling has turned into one that describes bad things. I think that you are right that when the word is being used to associate with something bad, the idea of being 'gay' seems to have a bad connatation all of a sudden.

Hasn't affected me too much but then words do consistantly change with time, maybe a new one will replace 'lame' things eventually.

[simbab.livejournal.com]

Read on wiki, it explains how the transition happened.

ThinkB4YouSpeak

[radmoose.livejournal.com]

http://www.thinkb4youspeak.com/

Have way too much to say about this.. as it kinda hits close to home.

While the "Day of Silence" has it's purpose, being silent the rest of the year isn't acceptable.

My 11 year old daughter and 13 year old daughter do speak out at school to people who use "gay" to describe bad things. My 9 year old son, well, he just started using it as his friends do. He doesn't understand that I am gay, so it is a bit much to deal with.

Until people see that others do not appreciate or agree with the use of the word 'gay' in that manner, it will continue.

This Friday is the 2nd anniversary of Lawrence King's death. (He was the brother of my brother's girlfriend's son's girlfriend at the time.)

http://blog.glsen.org/2010/02/vigils-taking-place-friday-on-2-year.html

My 13 year old daughter last year led a discussion group at her school after some students were joking about this situation. She got almost all of the large group to understand that is wasn't something to joke about and that someone's life was cut short... way too short. She didn't mention that I was gay, nor did she know how closely we knew Lawrence. She did it because she saw others doing something wrong.

[rustyfox.livejournal.com]

Humour by-pass.

In the playground it might have been a little bit nastier, but for me that was over 20 years ago, and kids are hardly known for their compassion. I've since only ever read / heard 'gay' as any derogatory term being used in mild jest - equally as often by us filthy gays as much as anyone else.

What's life if you can't laugh at yourself?

[megadog.livejournal.com]

Indeed. Playground banter is all about abusive terminology and learning to live with/adapt-so-you-can-reflect-abuse-back-at-your-abusers.

I'd really hate it if the word "Gay" were to be seen as off-limits and politically-incorrect to the point that it then gets 'reclaimed' by identity-politics types to the point it can only legitimately be used by-gays about-gays (like 'nigga' has become in black circles).

[shep-shepherd.livejournal.com]

"What's life if you can't laugh at yourself?"

Indeed. I actually use the word in mild jest myself from time to time :)

[darkone238.livejournal.com]

That's really gay



:P

[benji.livejournal.com]

My computer is gay when it won't do what I want

My car is a nigger when it won't speed up enough

My front door is a bint when the lock is stiff

My stereo is fuckingwellfrench when the source selector dial is being finicky

My wife is a dyke when she's telling me that she's having problems with tuning the tv in.

However I'm not xenophobic, not racist, not sexist and I'm certainly not homophobic. I dunno I think it's just something I do. It's all about context. I don't actually mean something is gay as in "oh this situation is bad, just like those homosexuals"... it's just words I use.

[schnee.livejournal.com]

No, you're not. Children are children and try to (and need to) break rules to see what they can get away with and all that, of course, but using the word "gay" in this sense seems all too accepted by society as a whole, even by people who'd probably crack down immediately on other slurs, such as racist or anti-semitic ones.

I sometimes wonder if this is because homophobia is simply more accepted (not to mention more entrenched) in society and still not seen by all (or nearly all) as a bad thing.

[megadog.livejournal.com]

Words only have the power to hurt if we let them.

I regularly use the term "queer" to mean "something odd or unexpected", as in "there's something queer going on with the BGP peering here". That's not in any way negatively-stereotyping non-traditionally-sexed people.

I once got complained-about for racism because I described a particular locale as 'rather too urban for my tastes'. Urban, y'see, can be used to describe a particular kind of ethnically-derived-music (and by implication, is extended to mean 'people of colour').

[schnee.livejournal.com]

*noddles* Well, that's just silly, yes... there definitely is such a thing as taking things too far.

And yeah, "queer" genuinely has a different meaning. I also wouldn't complain if somebody used "gay" to mean "happy" or "joyous", either; the difference, I think, is not that the word is used in a negative fashion (as "queer" arguably is in your example) but rather that it's specifically intended to cast the group referred to in a negative light.

In other words, it's not about the word as such. I won't bat an eye at people referring to their cigarettes as "fags", or people who use words such as "niggardly" (which isn't even derived from "nigger", but of course, that doesn't stop others from complaining), but I think if somebody takes a word and uses it specifically to denigrate others, then that's not good.

At the very least, it's something I personally object to.

(And yeah, sticks and stones, and words can be turned around, with "nigger" or "fag" being examples when used by dark-skinned people or non-heterosexual people respectively, but again, it's not about the words as much as about the denigration, and society's acceptance thereof.)

[rustyfox.livejournal.com]

Soo...

I suppose what we're saying is, if somebody - a child in the school yard for arguments sake, since that scenario is most relevant - is intent on taunting one of their peers, they shouldn't use this word - so what, use something else instead?

Obviously the bigger problem is that humans can be nasty, and children can be especially so towards their peers. To suggest we shouldn't utter the word gay because it's really hurtful will only reaffirm that it's an effective taunt, and nobody wins.

On the other hand, if we just stop getting upset about the meaning behind a word, then the problem is entirely negated.

[megadog.livejournal.com]

As we used to say in the playground 40 years ago: Sticks and stones may break my bones but names they cannot hurt me.

[haunter-uk.livejournal.com]

And whoever it was that came up with that phrase never actually had to deal with a prolonged bullying campaign against them.

The physical stuff was far easier to deal with.

[schnee.livejournal.com]

Soo...

No, that's not what I meant. Of course children will always taunt one another. This isn't about the children that are at the receiving end of such taunting; it's about those whose identity is being used as an insult.

Plain and simple.

[rustyfox.livejournal.com]

That would include me then, and I for one am not in the slightest bit insulted by it, and I firmly believe people like Thatchell should just shut the hell up and stop making out I'm being constantly repressed by every silly little thing. He's only liable to cause more harm. I'm not on a crusade and I never for one moment want anybody I meet to have a pre-conceived notion that I'm gay and therefore on a huge defensive, especially over something petty such as a word or name-calling. I'm actually very chilled out, but do resent groups like Stonewall making all this spammy noise on my behalf.

My point still stands; if the people who seriously intend "gay!" as a meaningful insult become aware of all the fuss and nonsense to make them stop, then naturally, they're going to carry on using it, maybe even more-so. Great work, Stonewall. Especially children, who have a knack for exploiting any personal weakness with ruthless effect. I've never heard of a single adult shouting "gay!" as an insult, and if anybody does, I hardly think they're going to stop and consider wider implications of what they're saying before verbally putting someone down. Abhorrent and narrow-minded people will still behave that way regardless, and that's something everybody has to deal with now and again.

And as for me, I'll jolly well carry on using it as a joke! People really need to chill out over issues like this, I firmly believe that. The best way to diffuse a situation is to make light of it, and let people for their own opinions over time.

(Personally though, I am much more concerned about individual children on the receiving end of such taunting, particularly if they are gay or confused. That some idiot might think my being gay is the worst thing ever doesn't bother me one jot, but to think there are young people driven to suicide over school bullying is hopelessly sad. To hijack their suffering and turn it into a wider non-issue for nameless grown up people is, to me, downright selfish. I'm not crying - but somewhere, somebody is because of personal abuse by horrible vicious people. That's what needs attention.)

[schnee.livejournal.com]

I have no idea who Stonewall or Thatchell are. Feel free to continue using the word the way you are, too; it doesn't really matter. To be honest, I'm not even sure we're talking about the same thing.

[rustyfox.livejournal.com]

Stonewall are a UK charity (although I think pressure-group might be more appropriate) to "promote" LGBT issues, whose output nearly always leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Peter Thatchell (mentioned way back in Lupe's post!) is a rather outspoken activist too, whose bile also I rarely ever agree with.

Actually now that I check, seems that Thatchell doesn't have anything to do with Stonewall, so my bad. In fact he's been critical of them also, I assumed he must promote them as I find both their ravings equally inane and self-serving. They've both jumped on the "gay is not an insult!" homophobic bandwagon before now.

[schnee.livejournal.com]

Ah, I see.

[mylo-the-gsd.livejournal.com]

I never really thought about it when this all started. At the same time, it doesnt bother me at all that its used for a bad word. I use it very often too.

[kiwihunter8.livejournal.com]

I've seen it spelled "ghey" to differentiate, by homosexual-friendly folks.

Also, remember there was that trend of homosexual folks calling themselves or others "fag" or "dyke", in order to take back a negative word; just as black people call each other "nigger" in order to diffuse the word.

So perhaps the Gheying of "gay" as an insult can turn things around eventually?

[alexf0x.livejournal.com]

I've used it as a means of pointing out stuff that is oozing over the top with homosexuality, like any gay UK soap character, that's some over the top "GAY" for you right there.

[ambeebear.livejournal.com]

When I was young the kids said "Jewish" to something that was bad, so I guess it goes all ways.