Leaving The Fandom

I am writing this with a tear in my eye.

After last night's IRC debate on open relationships where I tried to explain my view rationally before being told to "burn and die" for daring to leave at 4:45am because I had work this morning, I feel that I have little option but to distance myself further from the Fandom. It is patently evident (and has been for some time) that I have fundamentally different beliefs when compared to the majority of the Fandom and this is the reason why I feel so isolated a lot of the time.

I also feel that if my view is going to be treat in such a way then I would rather socialise with people who took a more adult approach to life rather than the drama-fuelled rants of people on IRC and IM. I have therefore decided to remove myself completely for the foreseeable from all such social networking media because I don't need the hassle or the drama.

Quite clearly, it is not good to base friendships on things where you fundamentally differ and therefore I have decided to take much more of a back seat in the Fandom. I have a lot of very close furry friends who I love and who I would love to keep in touch with but from hereonin, I am going to have to do this on an individual level. The lack of common interests, as well as fundamental philosophical world view, is also causing me considerable pain and although individually, this is easy to deal with, when it comes to a group, I just don't feel accepted. That's probably more to do with me than the group - perhaps it's not just for me (however much I would like it to be so).

The sad fact is that the whole concept of furry is no longer making me happy and I feel that now is the time to move on in my life. I would still love to keep in contact with a lot of my furry friends, who I love and admire, but I no longer feel I can do this on a group level. Put simply, the events of the last two months have hurt me too much.

I feel I have to protect myself. I am far too fragile and I care too much to allow things to keep going in the way that they are now. I am so sorry I feel like this but things need to change and I feel that this is the best course of action. It hurts that this was supposed to be my utopia and it has ended in such a way but I don't see what further options I have. This may all pass in the next few weeks but this is the culmination of 18 months of loneliness and frustration so I am not sure. I don't know what the future holds.

If you want to keep in touch, PM or email me as there are a good few people I would love to keep in touch with. Please don't read this as drama, me being emo or however else I am perceived to be. I know I am flawed, I know this may hurt you, but I am merely being honest. I wanted this to work - I just don't see how I can fit in.

Peace and love - I can honestly say I love all those who are mutual friends on LJ.

Lupe.

Leaving The Fandom

I am writing this with a tear in my eye.

After last night's IRC debate on open relationships where I tried to explain my view rationally before being told to "burn and die" for daring to leave at 4:45am because I had work this morning, I feel that I have little option but to distance myself further from the Fandom. It is patently evident (and has been for some time) that I have fundamentally different beliefs when compared to the majority of the Fandom and this is the reason why I feel so isolated a lot of the time.

I also feel that if my view is going to be treat in such a way then I would rather socialise with people who took a more adult approach to life rather than the drama-fuelled rants of people on IRC and IM. I have therefore decided to remove myself completely for the foreseeable from all such social networking media because I don't need the hassle or the drama.

Quite clearly, it is not good to base friendships on things where you fundamentally differ and therefore I have decided to take much more of a back seat in the Fandom. I have a lot of very close furry friends who I love and who I would love to keep in touch with but from hereonin, I am going to have to do this on an individual level. The lack of common interests, as well as fundamental philosophical world view, is also causing me considerable pain and although individually, this is easy to deal with, when it comes to a group, I just don't feel accepted. That's probably more to do with me than the group - perhaps it's not just for me (however much I would like it to be so).

The sad fact is that the whole concept of furry is no longer making me happy and I feel that now is the time to move on in my life. I would still love to keep in contact with a lot of my furry friends, who I love and admire, but I no longer feel I can do this on a group level. Put simply, the events of the last two months have hurt me too much.

I feel I have to protect myself. I am far too fragile and I care too much to allow things to keep going in the way that they are now. I am so sorry I feel like this but things need to change and I feel that this is the best course of action. It hurts that this was supposed to be my utopia and it has ended in such a way but I don't see what further options I have. This may all pass in the next few weeks but this is the culmination of 18 months of loneliness and frustration so I am not sure. I don't know what the future holds.

If you want to keep in touch, PM or email me as there are a good few people I would love to keep in touch with. Please don't read this as drama, me being emo or however else I am perceived to be. I know I am flawed, I know this may hurt you, but I am merely being honest. I wanted this to work - I just don't see how I can fit in.

Peace and love - I can honestly say I love all those who are mutual friends on LJ.

Lupe.

Overwhelmed

First of all, may I express my deepest gratitude for all the support you have shown me this morning. It is tremendously heart-warming and I hope I can thank you all personally in the very near future.

On reflection, I blame myself for last night. I was probably too forthright in my opinion and I should have tempered what I said. However, when I am passionate about something, I always believe that honesty is the best policy. However, despite my strong view, I did not resort to abuse, I backed up my argument and there was no issue in the main channel. What bothers me was that in PM I had an hour of debate and then came the abuse from the other party.

If I offended anyone last night, I apologise. If I have offended anyone this morning, I apologise. If I EVER offend anyone, I apologise. I accept my views are sometimes trenchant and sometimes I express them too forcefully. I am a passionate guy - I wish I wasn't but I am - this is always going to be one of my failings. I have an acute sense of injustice and if I see people being hurt, I will fight their cause. This catalyses a lot of my views and the ones I expressed last night.

Furthermore, whilst I appreciate your concern, please do not turn this into drama. I can't stand drama as it's unnecessary most of the time. I have no ill-will towards anyone regarding last night - it has just made me reflect on a few things.

As I have mentioned before, a lot of the time I feel lost in the Fandom. I don't share many common interests, I struggle with what to say and I differ in viewpoint on quite a few fundamental issues. And because I am a passionate guy who has trenchant opinions, I sometimes can't keep my mouth shut. A lot of the time, I feel I am treading on egg-shells regarding what to say and this is contributing to the mood swings that I often get. I also struggle finding conversation because of a lack of common ground.

Fundamentally, everyone is different and everyone has a unique perspective on the world and on the Fandom. However, I don't feel I share a common viewpoint with a lot of furs and this has made me feel incredibly isolated over the last 18 months.

These feelings are not new, they have just been brooding for a while. The events of the last two months have triggered all this and now I really don't know what I want. Yeah I'm confused but I also know I still want to keep in touch with so many of you. As I say, I don't know what the future holds, I just hope it all works out.

Thanks and love.

Overwhelmed

First of all, may I express my deepest gratitude for all the support you have shown me this morning. It is tremendously heart-warming and I hope I can thank you all personally in the very near future.

On reflection, I blame myself for last night. I was probably too forthright in my opinion and I should have tempered what I said. However, when I am passionate about something, I always believe that honesty is the best policy. However, despite my strong view, I did not resort to abuse, I backed up my argument and there was no issue in the main channel. What bothers me was that in PM I had an hour of debate and then came the abuse from the other party.

If I offended anyone last night, I apologise. If I have offended anyone this morning, I apologise. If I EVER offend anyone, I apologise. I accept my views are sometimes trenchant and sometimes I express them too forcefully. I am a passionate guy - I wish I wasn't but I am - this is always going to be one of my failings. I have an acute sense of injustice and if I see people being hurt, I will fight their cause. This catalyses a lot of my views and the ones I expressed last night.

Furthermore, whilst I appreciate your concern, please do not turn this into drama. I can't stand drama as it's unnecessary most of the time. I have no ill-will towards anyone regarding last night - it has just made me reflect on a few things.

As I have mentioned before, a lot of the time I feel lost in the Fandom. I don't share many common interests, I struggle with what to say and I differ in viewpoint on quite a few fundamental issues. And because I am a passionate guy who has trenchant opinions, I sometimes can't keep my mouth shut. A lot of the time, I feel I am treading on egg-shells regarding what to say and this is contributing to the mood swings that I often get. I also struggle finding conversation because of a lack of common ground.

Fundamentally, everyone is different and everyone has a unique perspective on the world and on the Fandom. However, I don't feel I share a common viewpoint with a lot of furs and this has made me feel incredibly isolated over the last 18 months.

These feelings are not new, they have just been brooding for a while. The events of the last two months have triggered all this and now I really don't know what I want. Yeah I'm confused but I also know I still want to keep in touch with so many of you. As I say, I don't know what the future holds, I just hope it all works out.

Thanks and love.

Sick

The events of last night have floored me. I just feel ill. I feel I am going to be sick. I feel like crying. I feel I have fucked up and I hate myself because of it. I hate my opinions, I hate the fact that I don't fit in and I hate the fact that I wear my heart on my sleeve.

I have read back what was said last night and I apologise for the lack of tact in some of what I wrote. However, I only commented in general terms and not about anyone specifically. However, I have written apologies to those involved because I accept I should have been more tactful and I really didn't want to offend or hurt anyone. The guilt is crippling me. Quite literally. I have always hated debating and expressing my point of view because I fear being judged by it. So great work there Lupe.

In reality, all of this was smoothed over last night and the debate continued for another hour. It was at this point when things became abusive and I can't see what triggered this apart from me saying I was going to bed. This was in a PM and I thought we had had quite a lively debate going.

As far as I'm concerned, I have done all I can to put things right. I have apologised but not once did I deliberately insult anyone. In fact, my initial bluntness was replaced later on down the line by a more measured approach accepting that everyone is different and what works for one doesn't necessarily work for another. I accepted I was initially wrong and backed down slightly.

I don't know the way forward - I just hope I can be forgiven for what I said like I have forgiven others for what was said to me. Sometimes these things happen in debates - I just want everyone to get on.

Sick

The events of last night have floored me. I just feel ill. I feel I am going to be sick. I feel like crying. I feel I have fucked up and I hate myself because of it. I hate my opinions, I hate the fact that I don't fit in and I hate the fact that I wear my heart on my sleeve.

I have read back what was said last night and I apologise for the lack of tact in some of what I wrote. However, I only commented in general terms and not about anyone specifically. However, I have written apologies to those involved because I accept I should have been more tactful and I really didn't want to offend or hurt anyone. The guilt is crippling me. Quite literally. I have always hated debating and expressing my point of view because I fear being judged by it. So great work there Lupe.

In reality, all of this was smoothed over last night and the debate continued for another hour. It was at this point when things became abusive and I can't see what triggered this apart from me saying I was going to bed. This was in a PM and I thought we had had quite a lively debate going.

As far as I'm concerned, I have done all I can to put things right. I have apologised but not once did I deliberately insult anyone. In fact, my initial bluntness was replaced later on down the line by a more measured approach accepting that everyone is different and what works for one doesn't necessarily work for another. I accepted I was initially wrong and backed down slightly.

I don't know the way forward - I just hope I can be forgiven for what I said like I have forgiven others for what was said to me. Sometimes these things happen in debates - I just want everyone to get on.

Today

Today has been a very strange day. I feel that I have learned a lot - not only on how to present my views better but also on the nature of and people within the Fandom. I know that on occasions I may seem emo and I know that many of you probably can't understand why I feel the way that I do about myself. I know I am lucky in so far as most aspects of my life are complete but my mind has always played these games on me and I don't really know how to stop it.

As a group of friends, I think it's important to try and help each other through our own trials and lend a helping paw should it be needed. I accept that I made a mistake last night but that did not warrant the abuse that I received.

A lot of people were there for me today and I would like to thank you all for helping me put things in perspective. In the end, despite the negative aspects of the Fandom, there are some massive positive aspects too and I am touched by all the kind words that have been offered. Thanks also to the furs who phoned and texted me too - you know how to make a Lupe feel special :P

The reality is that I am always going to have these nueroeses because they are a part of my upbringing. Perhaps I need to try and focus on how to live with these rather than trying to change who I am. The paranoia and the fear will always be with me - it's part of my make-up - but I guess that that, in part, is what makes me who I am.

I can only apologise for the amount of times that I do become emo. I am not the most confident of people and I need a place to vent. LJ is that place. I am touched by your concern but please don't worry. It's normally just me being me.

Again, I would like to thank you for putting up with me and please know that I will do all I can to help you should you ever need it. The kind words today will not be forgotten and I would like to thank you all for accepting me. Perhaps I do fit in more than I think I do.

I will reply to your responses early next week as I am going to be away for a few days. I hope you all have a great weekend and thanks once again.

Love and hugs.

Today

Today has been a very strange day. I feel that I have learned a lot - not only on how to present my views better but also on the nature of and people within the Fandom. I know that on occasions I may seem emo and I know that many of you probably can't understand why I feel the way that I do about myself. I know I am lucky in so far as most aspects of my life are complete but my mind has always played these games on me and I don't really know how to stop it.

As a group of friends, I think it's important to try and help each other through our own trials and lend a helping paw should it be needed. I accept that I made a mistake last night but that did not warrant the abuse that I received.

A lot of people were there for me today and I would like to thank you all for helping me put things in perspective. In the end, despite the negative aspects of the Fandom, there are some massive positive aspects too and I am touched by all the kind words that have been offered. Thanks also to the furs who phoned and texted me too - you know how to make a Lupe feel special :P

The reality is that I am always going to have these nueroeses because they are a part of my upbringing. Perhaps I need to try and focus on how to live with these rather than trying to change who I am. The paranoia and the fear will always be with me - it's part of my make-up - but I guess that that, in part, is what makes me who I am.

I can only apologise for the amount of times that I do become emo. I am not the most confident of people and I need a place to vent. LJ is that place. I am touched by your concern but please don't worry. It's normally just me being me.

Again, I would like to thank you for putting up with me and please know that I will do all I can to help you should you ever need it. The kind words today will not be forgotten and I would like to thank you all for accepting me. Perhaps I do fit in more than I think I do.

I will reply to your responses early next week as I am going to be away for a few days. I hope you all have a great weekend and thanks once again.

Love and hugs.