Leaving The Fandom

[lupestripe]

I am writing this with a tear in my eye.

After last night's IRC debate on open relationships where I tried to explain my view rationally before being told to "burn and die" for daring to leave at 4:45am because I had work this morning, I feel that I have little option but to distance myself further from the Fandom. It is patently evident (and has been for some time) that I have fundamentally different beliefs when compared to the majority of the Fandom and this is the reason why I feel so isolated a lot of the time.

I also feel that if my view is going to be treat in such a way then I would rather socialise with people who took a more adult approach to life rather than the drama-fuelled rants of people on IRC and IM. I have therefore decided to remove myself completely for the foreseeable from all such social networking media because I don't need the hassle or the drama.

Quite clearly, it is not good to base friendships on things where you fundamentally differ and therefore I have decided to take much more of a back seat in the Fandom. I have a lot of very close furry friends who I love and who I would love to keep in touch with but from hereonin, I am going to have to do this on an individual level. The lack of common interests, as well as fundamental philosophical world view, is also causing me considerable pain and although individually, this is easy to deal with, when it comes to a group, I just don't feel accepted. That's probably more to do with me than the group - perhaps it's not just for me (however much I would like it to be so).

The sad fact is that the whole concept of furry is no longer making me happy and I feel that now is the time to move on in my life. I would still love to keep in contact with a lot of my furry friends, who I love and admire, but I no longer feel I can do this on a group level. Put simply, the events of the last two months have hurt me too much.

I feel I have to protect myself. I am far too fragile and I care too much to allow things to keep going in the way that they are now. I am so sorry I feel like this but things need to change and I feel that this is the best course of action. It hurts that this was supposed to be my utopia and it has ended in such a way but I don't see what further options I have. This may all pass in the next few weeks but this is the culmination of 18 months of loneliness and frustration so I am not sure. I don't know what the future holds.

If you want to keep in touch, PM or email me as there are a good few people I would love to keep in touch with. Please don't read this as drama, me being emo or however else I am perceived to be. I know I am flawed, I know this may hurt you, but I am merely being honest. I wanted this to work - I just don't see how I can fit in.

Peace and love - I can honestly say I love all those who are mutual friends on LJ.

Lupe.

Comments

[salith.livejournal.com]

I've gone through almost the exact same thing, and have come to the same realisation that there's too much drama and furs that will not bow from their views and automatically assume that if you don't agree then you're an idiot/moron/etc.
It's one of the key reasons I don't bother with furmeets anymore... if you don't fit into someone else's perscribed view of things, then you must be ostracized :(
*HUGS*

[avon-deer.livejournal.com]

This is an IRC problem. Not a furry problem. Why else do you think I no longer go there?

[schnee.livejournal.com]

Hear, hear!

[darkphox.livejournal.com]

Oh don't listen to people on IRC lol

was in northernfurs or uk?

It's always one of the two. Why do ya think I don't go on thar anymore, It's for of retards. I fucking I hate the UK furs that sit on that chan and think they are better. It's bullshit.

Fuck what they think, all they can think about is wanking thar tiny coks at night on secondlife :P

[lauinav.livejournal.com]

Seconded. lol.

[lauinav.livejournal.com]

TBH, it hasn't made me happy for years... the whole concept I mean. But the individual people like yourself are what make it for me.

I had the same problem when I first faded out from the fandom. I mean, hell, I'm into football and rugby, and everything I mentioned it, be it on irc or at Northernfur meets, there was always one or two people who shun me for liking something different.

These days, I've long since given up on the noobs. But people like yourself and Pysthu are the reason I'm still here.

*huggles*
What will this mean for meets, Fearless Leader? :(

*snugglez*

[bluewoozle.livejournal.com]

:O Lupe and Psythu, but no mention of otters! Clearly you've found new best friends ;.; I hate j00 foeva f0x!

[blueberrybadger.livejournal.com]

Lol, Lupe, seriously, why are you letting a bunch of freaks over IRC upset you? FUCK them.

[seraphistar.livejournal.com]

No no nono no no! You can't, of all people! Dammit, please don't take the dickheadedness of over hormoned teenagers to heart. Most people left in Northernfurs are only there to bitch about how bad their lives are and to slag off other people who's lives are actually working. They're bitter and jealous about how your life actually works compared to their own. I mean, just step back for a second, I remember reading your lj saying how you were off again to the Netherlands for another trip... How many furries can say they get to do something like that? This whole damn thing runs on a group mentality and if you don't set the trend, you have to follow it, or you're an outcast.
Please don't leave the whole thing, you're one of the few furs who are always a pleasure to see and your happy attitude has always brightend up so many other people. Even in the times you were down and depressed, which everyone is entitled to be sometime... Lupe please, join us in #neofurs or please just take a holiday, this whole place will be a lot darker without you.

[fen-ra.livejournal.com]

Well said sir.

[schnee.livejournal.com]

I'm very sorry to hear this, hon. :( *gives you a warm hug and a snuggle* FWIW, without wanting to belittle your trouble there, I think the issue is not with "The Fandom" as such as much as with a couple of loud-mouthed idiots on IRC, but I respect your decision, of course.

I'm still here, too. *hugs again*

[swampy.livejournal.com]

In every walk of life, you will find self-righteous, highly opinionated tards with their heads firmly up their arses. Ignore them, and devote your time to those who deserve it. Remember, an empty vessel makes the loudest noise!

[r-a-blackpaws.livejournal.com]

There are always bad eggs in any group, Lupe.

That makes the good people you find all the more precious because they aren't world class a'holes.

*hugs* Do what you feel you have to do to regain your sanity hon. Stay in touch with those people who you like and care about...and ignore the pissants who are jerks.

Kind of my policy, and I'm in the far background of the fandom.

[fen-ra.livejournal.com]

This is why I never use IRC. Do what you feel is right for you Lupes, your happiness is an important thing. Unlike the drama-llamas. :P

[godzuki.livejournal.com]

When I read this topic I thought it was a joke or irony...thats about the only context i use that statement in - I didnt think youd actually do a "Leaving the Fandom" post, its kinda...silly! There is nothing to leave, and nothing to join, its a loose affiliation of people who are into the same thing.

I also find it a bit weird then people say leaving the fandom like this just because they had a bad time with a small group of individuals over a short period of time.

If you feel the need to pin your colours to the mast like this then im not gonna attack you for it, but ... well it just makes no sense to me for the above reasons.

Sorry if that offends you.

[darkphox.livejournal.com]

OMG, ya one of those furries. With sense!

I like you XD

[gothicat.livejournal.com]

Unfortunatly no matter what subculture/fandom you belong to there are cunts. I quit calling myself 'goth' because of a girl in our goth group who used to beat the shit out of me at the night club we went to. I left the pagan group cos of people telling my my way of doing things was wrong. But then I thought I do the things I want to do no matter how others percieve it as right or wrong.

Screw what others think or say and surround yourself by happiness :D

[patter-snowfox.livejournal.com]

*hugs a husky*

IRC brings out the worst in people, don't let them get to you. Concentrate on your friends and those who mean a lot to you.

[avalanche-wolf.livejournal.com]

This kind of crap only happens on IRC. And I only ever hear this sort of bullshit emanating from the UK based IRC channels. #uk and #northukfurs on furnet. Just don't go into those channels and you'll avoid 80% of the IRC based drama instantly. I go on the anthrochat server for general chat channels mainly which is mostly US furs and its virtually drama free most of the time.

[iffriel.livejournal.com]

please don't go

[balto-mike.livejournal.com]

I am sorry to hear that you feel hurt. Remember people are always going to hide themselves where possible behind the vail of the screen and make these remarks online and never to your face. I never use the UK Fur IRC channels because I've never heard a good thing come out of them.

You are one of the furs who wants to make things better, you take a lot of time out to help others selflessly and many of us I think whom know you well appericate your contributions.

My view always was that one of the appeals of the fandom was there was a diverse range of people. I can healthly discuss and understand others points of view and hopefully get a more wide-randing picture of the world around me. If there are few furs who seem to be very close-minded, that is not your fault.

Take care Lupes, hopefully we will speak soon.

[rma-reborn.livejournal.com]

It'll be a real shame if you leave, Lupe. You're a decent chap, and I'd been looking forwards to getting to know you much better.

How many other furs are into what I'm into - politics, economics, current affairs, naval history? Not many that I've come across - at least, beyond the arm chair analyst role. But I'm staying on, because I find other things in this fandom, good people with good intention. Sure, there are arseholes, but they exist everywhere.

If you leave like this, then you're effectively conceeding to them that they're right, and you're wrong. They've gotten what they want, and you're going away with nothing more than a bloody nose. If you want to nail your colours to the mast, then you nail your colours to the mast because you intend to stay a course. You're a much, much stronger person than that, I know it, and this really doesn't suit you.

If you need a break from all this, then that's fine. But don't let it end like this, hon. You're too much a nice person to have this happen to you.

[toumal.livejournal.com]

Question:
Does being a furry mean being part of some kind of in-clique? Does one have to visit certain chats, or be a member on certain websites to be a fur?

Or is all of that secondary and being a fur means that you have a strong interest and fascination in anthropomorphic animals?

Don't mix up making friends with making furry aquaintances. And in your particular case, why not just stop interacting with the aquaintances that give you headaches?

[little-wolf1985.livejournal.com]

Who the hell said that to you?! I shall bite off their kneecaps and kick their ankles in!
Don't let a few twatish comments upset you huni, but if you really feel you need a break, then by all means take one. Jut keep in touch, ok huni? xxx

[dark-raven-wolf.livejournal.com]

listen to the people lupestripe they speak sense and truth
The fandom is as much a lesson in human behaviour then any other group out there, In such it has it’s numerous bad apples which out number the gold but a far majority


take several steps back off the stage light.... yes
(I sit in the rafters over the stage for a reason)
but unless your a pretender…. Your tail is not something you can just leave behind you that easily.... the spot where it rested will itch and burn

as far as I'm concerned there will always be furries and then there is the fandom
One doesn’t need to be part of the fandom to be a true furry

(if I may indulge in a little arrogance…..^_^)
Look at me…… I am DRW Therian of wolfish decent from the Tuatha da Danaan
I have been such since the age of 5
For 20 years I have walked this path with-out a 2 legged pack to howl for in the dark
Among non-furries who see my wolfish nature as an interesting personality quirk

I rarely have anything to do with the fandom it’s self and when I do I see it as an amusement more then anything because of the people I meet… most of which are just that. Fans…..
Yet I still walk this path with pride and claim ownership to the title simply because it is what I am and always will be

(ok done now…^_^)

It is only through the internet that I have met people like you… how take some measure of pride and realism in what we do…. What we are

So please don’t just up and quit…… simply because we are the minority in a forest
Because you would merely be confirming what I have always feared
“that we exist in our own bubbles separated from others”

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and sure as hell don't leave this blog just because your no longer going to be apart of the fandom..... that's just stupid
your still Lupestripe... no matter where you go

[albrecht-fur.livejournal.com]

Well dear sir, in recent research it has been shown that unfiltered exposure to an IRC field multiplies the users latent wanker faculties to superhuman levels.
It takes them well over over a sensible level. *They* would almost certainly claim it was over 9000.

On a more serious note, I do hope you stay around though dude :)

[jackalesque.livejournal.com]

I agree with what many people have said that it seems like a problem more isolated to IRC... I've never been on furry IRC channels and don't intend to from what I've heard.

I hope you change your mind but of course understand if you don't.

[shep-shepherd.livejournal.com]

As Avon said, that's an endemic IRC problem, rather than a furry one.

There are many furs the world over who would be very sad indeed if you played a lesser role in the fandom or disappeared from it completely.

[krakendwaggin.livejournal.com]

I want to stay in contact huni, your a good friend

[redcardlion.livejournal.com]

Eh.

Been saying this for years.

Been called a Burned Fur for most of them by a lot of furs who now are seeing the light.

Oh well :)

Go into it for what you want, screw everyone else, and you'll find a much happier fandom.