lupestripe's lair

For such a small city, I can't think of anywhere that has punched above its weight more than Weimar. Home to Goethe, Schiller and Liszt, the place where the Bauhaus movement began in 1919, and also where the Weimar Republic, Germany's first (admittedly failed) democracy was founded in the same year, it's fair to say that Weimar has been at the forefront of European history for the last 200 years. Before going there, I knew it was highly unlikely that I would be able to see everything in one day, even if I made as early a start as possible. The reality is that nearly all of the museums in Germany are open from 10am to 6pm and I knew Weimar would be a museum-heavy place. In the end, despite hitting the city shortly before 11am, I barely touched half of the things I wanted to see. All that means is that I'll have to come back.

Weimar is only a 10-minute train journey from Erfurt so after another tasty breakfast of chicken balls, potato rostis and Bierwurst sandwiches, I traipsed over to the railway station. My feet were throbbing somewhat due to the 21,000-plus step day the day before, but fortunately they did not have blisters. At least not yet. As a precaution, I ended up buying some blister plasters as soon as I got to Weimar, calling in on the pharmacy on the main road leading from the station to the city centre. The throbbing got worse as the day progressed and there was many a time when I just needed to sit down on a bench and rest my feeties. Fortunately, there were no blisters, but I am amazed that I used to be able to do whole weeks of touring like this, yet now I struggle with barely two days.

The Bauhaus Museum was my first port of call - a concrete slab of a building that's on your approach into the city. I had been to the Bauhaus Museum in Dessau, where the movement moved to in 1925 after being kicked out of Weimar, and indeed the most fascinating part of the exhibition was about this. Despite claiming to be apolitical, there were clear socialist themes running through Bauhaus. There were masters and apprentices rather than teachers and students, while they built some of the very first social housing for Germans in the 1920s. Of course, the politics of that time was fractious and the Bauhaus attracted a lot of criticism, particularly from the right and far-right of German politics at the time. Weimar was one of the places where the Nazis got their first foothold (along with Dessau as it happens) but conservative influences conspired against them throughout the 1920s. They were beholden to local parliaments for their funding which, with the rapid inflation of 1923, caused huge problems. In that same year, they put on an exhibition to highlight the studio and all their projects, and this too was fascinating. As well as architecture (which became an increased focus as the 1920s wore on), they did things like music and theatre shows with characters that don't look too far removed from other films from the Swinging Twenties. There were 1920s science fiction and lifestyle films shown on the walls, giving you a glimpse into life of that time, while the aesthetic of the Bauhaus movement which focused on geometric shapes and form was explored. We also got to learn more about some of the leading members of the Bauhaus, including its founder Walter Gropius, who withstood a savage beating from the press at the time. The 15-minute chronological running of newspaper excerpts highlighting the pros and cons of the Bauhaus were particularly fascinating and, as usual, I can't help but feel that people on the right didn't realise what a good thing they had until they had chased it out of town. The main complaint was Weimar was too small a place to have such an avant garde institution, but it also attracted some of the best artists and architects from the period to such a small place. The renown it gave Weimar was real, and seeing this play out socially had clear resonance with today.

As well as the politics, a lot of other things were covered too. The ethos of the Bauhaus, in particular, was highlighted and we got to see some of the architectural and interior designs that they promulgated. The use of tubular steel or the rounded lamps that have since become synonymous with 1920s style originated with this movement and so it was fascinating to see all of the things they created. It must have been an exciting if tumultuous period and it was one I found incredibly absorbing, so much so that despite this museum only having three modest floors, I ended up staying there for over four hours. There was also a lot of focus on design and painting, with the use of specific shapes and colours to denote certain feelings. It was truly a unique way of doing art and craft at the time, and you can see why stuffy conservative types didn't like it.

I had bought the Moderne Card, which entitles me to year-long access to three museums in the city. When I bought it, I just wanted to save money on the day, but the possibility of returning made this excellent value. In many ways, I should have gone the whole hog and gone for the card that covers every museum, but I did make use of the three modern museums that my Moderne Card covered. At €19, it was also a decent price. My next port of call was the Neues Museum, on account of it closing at 4pm, rather than the usual 6pm. Formally the Grand Ducal Museum, this impressive building was constructed in 1869 and was one of the first museums established in Germany. It covers the period before the Bauhaus, and specifically the two schools that merged to form it in 1919. The exhibition "Ways to the Bauhaus" covered this best, as it focused on pieces by the Weimar Painting School as well as avant-garde painters such as Claude Monet and Max Beckmann, who were supported by Harry Graf Kessler, the director of this museum. There is a wonderful Monet painting contained within, while there was also an exhibition dedicated to the cult behind Friedrich Nietzsche. There were three separate areas to the museum and, like with the Bauhaus one, there were audio descriptions available on your phone by scanning a QR code. I found this particularly useful, and this museum did a great job at setting the artistic tone in the area prior to the Bauhaus movement. The staff here were also really friendly, while I found the basement exhibit on book binding and the printing press particularly fascinating. I had never really thought about how books are bound before, so to go through the process in a step-by-step manner was good. I also enjoyed the big golden statue which greets you on the way in. There was also a lot of focus on Henry van de Velde, a Belgian painter, architect, interior designer, and art theorist. He introduced art noveux to Belgium and designed the Kunstgewerbeschule in Weimar in 1907. It was one of the few architectural projects he did. He moved to Weimar in 1899 while in 1907, he established the Grand-Ducal School of Arts and Crafts under the patronage of the Grand Duke Saxe-Weimar-Eisenach. He suggested Gropius take over the group in 1919 after stepping down due to the First World War.

I hopped on a bus for the next stop, partly because it was nearly half an hour walk away and partly because my feet were in flames by this point. Having the Deutschland Ticket was also a huge convenience and soon enough I had made my way to the Haus Am Horn. This was the first ever house built by the Bauhaus movement, as part of their 1923 summer exhibition. Unlike many houses of the time, it had running water, a bath, and toilet facilities, while the kitchen was designed in such a way so everything was to hand. The idea was that the lady of the house would save time during the cooking process as she wouldn't have to scurry here, there, and everywhere to get what she needed. The interesting thing about this squat cubic building was that the living room was right in the centre, with all of the other rooms off to the sides. The children's bedroom was actually the biggest and it was interesting that the man and woman had different rooms of their own. The house was built for a family of three and again I found it fascinating, although the €7 was perhaps a bit steep (it was included in the price of my Moderne Card so it was perfectly fine for me). Most of the furniture in here was replica - indeed the house had been lived in as normal up until 1999 - but the child's jungle gym climbing frame, bookshelf and desk ensemble was an exquisite and efficient use of space.

The Haus Am Horn is on the eastern flank of the Park an der Ilm, a UNESCO World Heritage site as it's an English country garden heavily influenced by Goethe. This means there are quite a few sites to see dotted about, while it was pleasant to walk in the weak springtime sun. There was something of a bitter wind, but it was great stumbling across various follies and other things. The statue of William Shakespeare was something of a shock, but not as much as the stone column around which there was wrapped a snake. I didn't like that at all, largely because it was quite realistic. The main sight though was the Roman Haus, the basement of which contains the original snake stone column, largely to preserve it from weathering. There were stone knights down there too along with a stone lion sphinx. The Roman Haus itself is in Classical style and looks like a Roman villa. It was the summer residence of Duke Carl August, who was a friend of Goethe's and essentially designed this whole complex with him. It was great having a look around this small yet beautiful building. The summery yellow salon (a study with stucco lustro and animal-themed wallpaper) or the stunning blue salon (used as a ballroom and audience chamber with Duchess Anna Amalia's portrait dominating the wall) were probably my two favourites of the six, but then the right half of the building looked very paired back. I imagine it would have made for a fantastic summer residence.

Around the park, I also got to see the Soviet Cemetery, where some of their war dead are buried. This is from the final days of the Second World War, and it's interesting to note how drab and grey the gravestones are as opposed to the Commonwealth's stunning white. Going into the cemetery, there is a huge gate upon which two Soviet stars are adorned, while the gate which forms part of the pedestrian entrance has a hammer and sickle latch which I thought was a nice touch. Around the corner from here stands the Tempelherrenhaus, which was once part of the orangery. This used to be used by the Weimar court for balls and concerts, but it was mostly destroyed in the Second World War. It's now left in ruins as a monument of war, but the building must have been huge, and incredibly ostentatious for the times.

While strolling through the park, I also stumbled across the house of Franz Liszt. The Hungarian composure lived in Weimar twice, and it was in this house where he resided for the second time, up until his death. Ever since Liszt had left, the Grand Duke Charles Alexander was desperate for him to return and he was given the Hofgärtnerei (court gardener's house) as an incentive to come back. The interiors were designed by the finest designer of the age, while a grand piano sits majestically in the main living room. The house only has five rooms, and one of those was for his valet, but they are stunning. Liszt came back to give masterclasses to local residents, as well as students from further afield. He spent the summers of the final 17 years of his life in Weimar, saying he felt like it was coming home. There were a few striking paintings in this house, not to mention the clocks, which were also particularly fine. While the living room and study area were quite sumptuous, the dining area and his bedroom were both more modest and austere. The people running the museum were particularly friendly and let me stay as long as I wished - I only discovered this place at 5:20pm but you only need half an hour to look around. They also complemented me on my German, which was nice. Indeed, I had to use German throughout this three-day stay, barely speaking English, which was a nice challenge. Alas in some of the museums, particularly in Erfurt on the Sunday, I wished my German was much stronger as I could get the gist of the exhibitions and what I was being told, but not everything.

It was past 6pm by time I finished in the park, and I realised that I still didn't get to see everything here, with the underground Parkhoehle closing to the public. The entrance was still open but I didn't fancy being stuck down there, so I decided to press on. I also realised that I hadn't seen any of the main city by then either, so I decided to walk into the Altstadt to see what I could see. The southern fringe of the city, which I was entering from the park, is dominated by the castles. Sadly, most of these were closed for renovation, but it was still good seeing them. There's a huge black imposing clock tower outside one of them, while the Stadtschloss was very similar to others I have seen in the likes of Wurzburg. Opposite this, there is a Doggy Spa, which I thought would be of interest to Wilma and Henry, but I never sent the photo. In this area, there is also the Herzogin Anna Amalia Bibliothek, which is the jewel of the city. The ornate Rococo Hall, constructed in 1766, is the highlight with the three-story hall housing around 40,000 volumes. A fire broke out here in 2004, destroying 50,000 books, but the restoration has been executed perfectly. Alas, I didn't realise you had to book this for a specific time around a week in advance, so by the time I came around to booking, all tickets had sold out for the day. This, along with missing out on all the Goethe and Schiller stuff, makes another visit to Weimar desirous.

With everything closed, I decided to kill some time just walking around the city. There is quite a lot to see, while the place is so compact, that I had it covered within an hour. I did check out Goethe and Schiller's houses, where their respective museums are situated, while Weimar's central Markt was a delight. The market itself had shut up shop for the day, but this afforded a greater view of the wonderful buildings. The neo-Gothic Rathaus is undoubtedly the highlight and I rushed back from touring to hear the rare Glockenspiel made from Meissen porcelain chime the hour at 7pm. Porcelain bells are very rare and they had a more earthy, timorous tone. Interestingly, off to the side of the Rathaus, there was a British ER postbox. This was donated to the city by Stratford-upon-Avon upon Weimar being the European City of Culture in 1999. It's a nice story and a rather odd thing to see in the middle of a German city.

The Renaissance Cranach House, painted a dark green or grey, flanks the side of the square opposite the Rathaus and is now a theatre. It is so-named because it was where Cranach the Elder spent is final days, before his death in 1553. Even the pubs here are steeped in history, with Zum Schwarzen Bären being one of the longest-standing and best for traditional local food, and the Hotel Elephant, which has welcomed both Napoleon Bonaparte and Richard Wagner. Down the road, George Eliot also spent some of 1854 in Weimar.

Three minutes up the road, around some winding cobbled streets, you come to the Church of St Peter and Paul (Herderkirche). This is an impressive white building that is almost too big for the square it is sitting on. The interior was quite nice, although the lady inside did try and get me to come back for their 11pm Easter service, which sadly I couldn't do. It is named the Herderkirche as there is a statue of the theologian, philosopher and poet situated outside. He was another influential period during the time of Weimar Classicism, which included the likes of Goethe and Schiller, yet he is not as well known as those two.

Wandering on, I also stumbled across the theatre in which the Weimar Republic was founded in 1919, with a museum dedicated to this directly opposite. This is on one of the main squares in the west of the city and I was glad to see this was more lively than other areas, which were starting to die once the shops had closed. To this end, I had tried to check out Hoffmann's Buchhandlung, which was founded over 300 years ago, but they closed at 6pm and thus the shutters were all down. On the square near the theatre, there was also an interesting clock with metal discs which recorded the temperature and air pressure, in a way that I thought was particularly unique.

I had a meal booked for 8pm at the Watzdorfer Geleitschenke, a wonderful timber-framed building tucked in one of the side streets. Like the night before, I thought it wise to book a table in advance, but this time they had no issues seating me. Indeed, with my barking feet and having seen everything I wanted to see of Weimar, I got there about fifteen minutes earlier yet they were still happy to seat me. They put me in the back conservatory, with one other group, so once they had left, it was a bit odd eating there on my own. It was also stiflingly hot and although when asked I had told them I wasn't too bothered where they sat me, in a way I wish I had been with more people. I grabbed a beer from a local brewery, which wasn't as nice as the one I had the night before, and opted for the schnitzel. This isn't particularly Thuringien, but it was close enough and was what I fancied. The portion size was huge, with a load of greasy diced potato too. There was some nice caramelised if slightly soggy onions and a modest salad too. Despite having had no lunch, it was still a hefty amount of food, which made running for my bus difficult. I couldn't be bothered walking the twenty-five minutes back to the station and I was just in luck, leaving the restaurant just in time to catch the half-hourly service. Again, the Deutschland Ticket is a wonderful thing. In fact, the food arrived so quickly, that I ended up being back in Erfurt about one hour earlier than anticipated. There were some loud kids on the station waiting for the stopping RB20 service (the train I had taken in the morning had sailed straight through), while it being a few minutes delayed, meant more endurance time on the platform. Still, I got back to my hotel just before 9:30pm with the thought of maybe going to the Irish bar over the road at some point. Alas, once I had got back to the room, I couldn't really be bothered and the bar looked a little too busy to be enjoyable. In the end, I just got a beer from the vending machine downstairs in the hotel bar (although the member of staff did have to cajole me into getting it as the touchscreen said the alcoholic pilsner wasn't available when there were clearly bottles there) then headed back to my room, taking a shower and heading to bed early. It had been another long, tiring, but rewarding day.

Depression hit me hard at the start of last week, but things had picked up by Thursday, just in time for me to get knocked back with another annoying cold. This has occupied me throughout the weekend - reaching its peak on Saturday - but I had nothing specific planned and it didn't really impede my writing and editing. At the same time, though, things got worse for Wolfie as he realised that the wireless engineering exam he needs to pass in three weeks' time had been completely restructured without anyone telling him. Cue a massive panic and heavy revision over the last few days as he battles to get re-certified in time. As a result, it's looking unlikely he'll be able to accompany on our Easter break to Erfurt and Weimar.

There has still been no resolution from work on the ChatGPT allegation from two weeks ago, although it looks like I have been taken off half of the work from my main client. How this affects my earnings going forward is somewhat uncertain, but I guess we'll find out in due course. I don't really want to sacrifice money, but if I am taken off the one project I didn't really enjoy, then there could be advantages. I guess I'll just wait and see. I had hoped that client two could help fill any potential reduction, but it looks like there may be less work here too, at least over the summer. I’m hoping this won’t be the case, but things are starting to look a little concerning.

I got a new mouse last week and it’s working far better than the old one – at least I can now copy and paste. Wolfie advised me on it and what I hadn’t realised was the logo is three snakes intertwined. It still gives me the creeps a little bit looking at it. Wolfie has offered to cover it up for me.

The Brewdog form went dark on Monday, the last vestige of the old Equity for Punks community. In a way it’s sad, but it wasn’t unexpected. It also wasn’t unexpected that we were given no notice of the change either, so all the threads and posts are gone. I guess Brewdog never really gave a shit about us. Still, it’s the end of an era I suppose, one that’s best in the past. It’s just another brand now and I’ll take or leave it. With my significant reduction in alcohol intake over the last six weeks, it’s more likely leave it.

Today was a national holiday in Malta so there was no work to do for the first client. With my second client work done by lunchtime, this afforded me some time off this afternoon. I had anticipated this in advance, having rescheduled a dentist appointment from 19 March to today so I could go to Albania. This saw me traipse down there at around 1pm and both the hygienist and the dentist remarked on how much improved my teeth are since my last check-up seven months ago. They did some further cleaning and I left there pretty pleased, about fifty minutes earlier than I had anticipated. I did conduct the conversations in a mix of German and English, wishing I could just to it all in the former. I really should have more confidence.

I was going to go to Qualgeist tonight with Al and Wolfie, but with the latter's revision taking presidency, I just chilled with Al instead. The original plan had been to meet at Wilmersdorf Straße U-Bahn, but due to finishing the dentist early, I walked up to Richard Wagner Platz and we met there, noticing the pro-trans graffiti on the pavements to commemorate Transgender Day of Visibility. Before deciding what to do, we headed to the quaint cafe nearby where we had spent much of Al's birthday. The vibe in here is rather nice, even if the service is rather slow, although my multi-coloured strawberry matcha tea was delicious. We chilled here for an hour deciding what to do before resolving to going to Treptower Park and check out the Soviet War Memorial. I thought this would be a good and unique slice of Berlin that Al hadn't seen, but what I hadn't anticipated was the heavy rain and hail that befell us as soon as we had walked into the complex underneath the triumphal arch. Soviet architects liked straight lines and forms, along with no places for cover, so we got deluged as we walked around. A group of four people were huddled underneath the statue of the soldier smashing the swastika with his sword, sympathetically looking at us but not moving out of the way to let us keep dry. In the end, we just had to get soaked, with our coats and t-shirts particularly sodden. Al really enjoyed the history though, with the hammer and sickle being of key interest, and it was true he had never seen anything like it before.

After this, we had a stroll by the river, hoping that the thick black clouds overhead wouldn't lead to another soaking. We were largely lucky - indeed we happened to be outside during the only 20-minute heavy precipitation spell all day - and were soon back on the S-Bahn bound for Potsdamer Platz. Al wanted to check out the Mall of Berlin, the other option we could have visited earlier had we wanted to stay dry, which was pretty much like any shopping mall I have been in. Al tried clothes on in Hollister, then we went to Thalia's English language bookshop where we took a photo of Al in an inauthentic looking British telephone box. We checked out a tea cafe that was like a coffee shop except for tea - I had a black sugar chai latte which tasted like burnt Shreddies - and we ended the day in Smyths toy store looking at the toys. Sadly, the curly slide that allows you to drop from floors four to two was already closed for the day, while Al was told off by a security guard for moving a polystyrene boulder a handful of inches when wanting to take a photo in front of the Mario Galaxy Film poster. I also took a picture of Al stood next to a 4ft-high Lego man who was missing his right arm for some reason. At the Mall of Berlin, I particularly liked the inspirational quotes about Berlin from Barack Obama and Angela Merkel on gold plaques. The pictures of all the wildlife were heartwarming too. The 'Good Buy' pun over the door as we left, less so.

We exited the Mall of Berlin opposite Anton-Wilhelm-Amo-Straße station, a place that used to be called Mohrenstraße but was renamed for reasons of racial sensitivity. I had never been here before, so the illuminated side view of someone's face hanging on the side of a lamppost was interesting, as was the fetching statue of Fuerst Leopold von Dessau outside the station itself. We boarded the U2 here and headed to Mariendorffplatz via Bismarckstraße, to visit our favourite Ethiopian restaurant, Addis Ababa. As soon as we arrived, Al realised he had left his tote bag of groceries at the U-Bahn stop and went back to retrieve it, only to discover it had already been taken. Once returned, we grabbed a sumptuous banquet of Ethiopian food. I had ye-beri qey wot (cooked beef in Ethiopian spicy paprika sauce and homemade cheese), ye-bere alicha wet (cooked lamb meat in Ethiopian mild curry sauce) and ye- Tsom Beyaynetu (lentils in spicy sauce, white cabbage, chickpeas and kale). I also had a Coca Cola Light as I'm off alcohol again. The food was fantastic, but I'll admit I preferred the vegetarian options over the meat. Meanwhile, we had a wide-ranging conversation about racism in the furry fandom, with Al sharing perspectives I hadn't thought before. We also chatted a lot about envy and FOMO, two things I really struggle with.

We were the last ones in the restaurant, staying for a good hour longer than the other two tables had done. They probably wanted rid of us, so I ended up giving them a hefty €7 tip on a €43 bill. Still, it was worth it, their food is criminally under-priced. It was great to go back there for the first time in a few months, as well as to catch up with Al again. I got back home shortly after 11pm glad for the day out, even if it did mean I had to be in damp clothing and shoes for most of the day. Hopefully we can meet up again soon, just without the moist cold attire.

It's amazing to think that I hadn't visited a new country since October 2022. Back in the late 2000s and early 2010s, I was visiting new places all the time, but there aren't so many European countries I haven't visited and cons have taken precedence since the pandemic. Furthermore, living in Germany but still having UK outgoings has been a drain on financial resources (one I am increasingly viewing as a negative, what with the rise of AI severely threatening some of my paid work). It has therefore been great to have a few days free to be able to travel somewhere new, with Albania being on my list for a while. One of the reasons for this was that Wizz Air have a direct flight between Berlin and Tirana and it turned out to be quite favourable - 17:00 on Thursday, returning at 14:00 today. I would have rather the other way around - leaving Germany earlier and leaving Albania later - but you can't have anything. Thursday was a day off for my first client, but my second client still wanted work, so once that was completed I was on my way to the airport.

Wolfie stayed at home - he has been feeling quite ill of late and needed to study for an exam - so it was just me on this three-day trip. Armed with some research and tips from Skavi, who had visited at roughly the same time last year, I caught up at the airport having gone through security. Oddly, I was sent to Terminal 2, but then the gate was right at the far side of Terminal 1, necessitating a near half-hour walk. Still, there was plenty of time in which to do it and even the automatic barriers worked with my passport (this joy was sadly short-lived as on the way back, they failed and I had to wait in a queue for thirty minutes as everyone else was processed). The flight itself, however, made Ryanair look good. A plane with 40 rows of seats instead of 35, some families acting like it was a creche and me sitting in between an attractive young lady and a bawdy middle-aged man who kept eyeing her up every two minutes. It was all rather annoying.

I landed in Tirana at around 19:15 and after failing once to get through the ePassport gates, I tried a second time and was let through. Grabbing some Albanian Leke at the airport - and being ripped off in the process - I strolled into the arrivals hall to meet my contact. I had booked a taxi to the hotel which seemed just to be a bloke standing outside the airport then guiding me to one of the taxis already waiting in the taxi rank, but there was no additional charge and the €18 was cheap compared to the usual charges. It was also dark at this point and I just wanted to get to the hotel, figuring that if I were quick, I would be able to go out and get some dinner. The drive to the hotel was about 20 minutes and although I had to point out exactly where it was to the driver, I did at least get there. However, he did drop me off in the middle of the literal road with metal barriers separating it from the pavement, so getting to my accommodation proved to be tricky.

The guy on the front desk was quite nice and he soon showed me to my room. The Villa Klaus Hotel is in a former house, so my room was essentially two rooms, with one being a separate room for the bathroom with its own exterior door. The floor was all wood, even in the shower itself, while the glass partition separating the shower from the rest of the bathroom didn't really prevent the rest of the wooden floor from being flooded. The window high above was open, so it got cold at night, while there was no breakfast nor other amenities aside from a kettle. Still, the heating was good, the bed comfortable, and apart from the last night when there was a family of maraudering monsters down the hallway, it was largely quiet. I got settled in quickly and the guy at the front desk recommended I try a local restaurant called Jarna, which is exactly where I went. This was around the corner, about five minutes away, and specialised in Albanian cuisine. I didn't fancy much, but I got some Albanian craft beer from Birraria e Gjyshit which had a logo of someone who looked like Stray wearing a silly hat. This was pretty average stuff to be honest. The food though, was different. The corn bread was yellow and chewy, served with butter, and it paired well with the white cheese covered in olive oil. This did seem rather bland though, in contrast to the Fergese Tironse, an orange mix of peppers and cottage cheese. This was so rich, full and unctuous that it was probably the highlight of my trip in terms of food. The restaurant was moderately busy but the staff were really friendly, including one of them who referred me to another as he used to live in Germany and wanted practice speaking German. It was a great start to my trip, although I could have done without the eviscerating burning raki they kindly gave me as an aperitif.

One small negative about the hotel was that they shut the main gate at 11pm. This would be fine as they did give me a code, but there would be no one staffing it after then. This meant that if I got locked out, no one could rescue me, so I decided to get back before 11pm each night. I therefore had an hour after dinner so I decided to walk down to Skanderbeg Square, the centre of the city, which was about ten minutes away. En route, I picked up an ice cream - Lotus and Oreo - and chomped on it as I walked across this expansive space. I was going to see most of it on a guided tour the next morning, but it's always good to get one's bearings, and seeing a place lit up at night does give it a different feel. I noticed that near the statue of Skanderbeg, the famous one with him riding on his horse that used to form the main intro to Albanian news reports back in the day, that the state TV channel were just packing away after something. I wasn't sure what it was, but then a thought hit me. The day after, the Friday, was Eid and I was in a majority Muslim country. This was going to bode for an interesting holiday indeed. I left the square with that on my mind, picking up a store-bought croissant to have for my breakfast as the hotel restaurant was closed. Upon returning back to my room, there was a cat in the hallway trying to get in. He scuttled off into one of the unoccupied rooms and I had to get the manager to release him. He did go on his own accord in the end, but it made for an interesting end to the evening. Oh, but before I went back, I decided to have a sneaky quick beer in AlBar Taproom, a sort of craft beer bar in a green-tiled red-roofed building. There was a lady at the far end talking to her boyfriend about gender studies and a hairy bearded man serving the beer. The drink was pleasant enough, but I couldn't stay long.

I don't normally book tours, certainly not with Get Your Guide, but there were two reasons why I did. The first was that it would get me out of bed, with the tour scheduled for 11am. The second was that I only had two full days in Tirana and I needed to be efficient. To this end, both of these came to pass. Friday was a wonderfully sunny day, one of those days that makes you feel glad to be alive. It was also one of those days where luck was on my side. Every time I hit a road junction, the green man (in this case an eagle, the emblem of the Albanian state) flicked on immediately, while some of the random experiences I had were incredibly fortuitous (more on this later). The only negative was dropping my phone in the toilet and needing it to dry out for a few hours before the charger would work again, but even then, my phone is now doing fine. Plus the toilet had just been flushed, so thank heaven for small mercies.

I was awoken to a text from Sabian, who was running the "Tirana Hidden Treasures Tour". We were to meet outside the clock tower adjacent to the Et'hem Bey Mosque. This was built in 1822 by Et'hem Bey himself, with the clock mechanism changing throughout the years. The clock faces were bought from Germany in 1928, but sustained significant damage by the occupying Nazi forces in 1944. The tower was used by snipers too. It stands next to the mosque where, in 1991, Albanians gathered for mass prayers in defiance of the then-dying Communist regime. The mosque itself is small, but stunning beautiful. Its exterior is decorated by idyllic landscapes of forests and waterfalls, depicting the Islamic image of paradise. The colours are rustic browns and greens, which fit in well with the square itself, while inside, the reliefs follow a similar pattern. Tourists could visit at particular times for a Zakat donation, but Friday was difficult as it was Eid. In the end, I popped in on the Saturday, but it was quite a popular tourist destination. There were shoes strewn everywhere across the entrance, but inside, I did get a sense of tranquility. The huge chandelier added to the grandeur, as did the ornately crafted dome which followed the same countryside motifs. There were phrases in Arabic attached to each one, while in the main prayer hall, there were further images of paradise.

There were five people on our tour including me, and you could spot three of them a mile off. The fourth, a guy who was living in Baden-Wurtemburg, registered last minute and popped up out of nowhere. The other three were all ladies from Lithuania, so it was quite the group. Sabian was an excellent tour guide, even if he did keep touching my shoulder over and over. At one point, he did say "you're clearly not a lady" which somewhat stung, but he wasn't being malicious. Anyway, we started off at this corner of Skanderbeg Square and did a sweep around, taking in the aforementioned monument to the fifteenth-century national hero and general who repelled the Ottoman Empire and then taking in the Opera House and the National History Museum. The latter is being renovated, but you can still see the striking Communist-era mural which has a lady representing Albania in the middle with the warriors and farmers who have defended the land throughout the ages straddling either side. Just beyond the Opera, behind the giant Albanian flag, there is the Skanderbeg building. This is a modern glass and steel structure which is styled in the shape of Skanderbeg's head. It was a remarkable thing to see, particularly when lit up at night. Architecturally, I don't think I have ever seen anything quite like it.

We strolled down to the humongous Orthodox Cathedral of Resurrection, paid for by the Greeks. It is the third largest orthodox cathedral in the Balkans. It seems to be designed in the style of a Baptist church, which isn't too surprising considering it was an American who was chief architect. It was opened in 2012 and is quite a cavernous space on the inside, nicely cooling on a rapidly warming day. It's quite arched with a huge dome, upon which there is a figure of Christ on a stunning dark blue background. In the supports of the arch, there are murals highlighting the various stages of Christ's life.

We continued walking, ending up at a steel structure containing the names of the founding fathers of the Albanian state. Albania declared independence from the Ottomans in 1912, although their initial plan was for autonomy rather than full-scale independence. However, when the Turks attacked them, their priorities shifted while around 80% of the Ottoman army turned out to be ethnic Albanians who just laid down their arms. This memorial commemorates some key members of the independence movement and we were encouraged to do the Albanian wing symbol with our hands to showcase our patriotism. I buggered this up initially, embarrassingly, but in the end I got the hang of it. Interestingly, Mother Teresa's father's name appears on this memorial while her real name was Anjezë Gonxhe. She was born into a Kosovar-Albanian family in Skopje, which is now the capital of North Macedonia, and Albania is proud of its link to Mother Teresa. Indeed, the airport is named after her for some reason, while in Saint Paul's Catholic Cathedral, which we were to visit later, there is a portrait of her made out of sea shells and mussels. This was rather striking, as was the church itself, which had a stained glass window in the shape of an arrow. We got chatting to the main priest here and he was fascinating. Belgian-born, he is fluent in German, and loves the opportunity to speak the language with anyone who can. Considering our group consisted of me, a guy who lived in Ba-Wu, and the three Lithuanians who now live in Vienna, the conversation was lengthy. It was all rather interesting - he is 83 years old and had lived in Tirana for the last 34 years - and he told us a lot of interesting things about the church in Albania. Pope Francis also visited this cathedral in 2014 and conducted a sermon here, which is commemorated by his image on the wall and in one of the stained-glass windows. Oh, and as there was someone there from Baden Wurtemburg, we discussed those green stickers you see everywhere claiming it's nice, even spotting one in the wild on a lamppost.

Before we had gone here though, we also checked out the Pyramid of Tirana. This was meant to be a mausoleum for Enver Hoxha, the Communist dictator who led the country from 1944 until his death in 1985. However, the process of embalming put many Albanians off and in the end, it was just used as a cultural centre (from 1991) after its initial role as a museum (from 1988). Interestingly, it was used as a NATO base in the Kosovo War in 1999. Indeed, Sabian kept telling me how much he loved Tony Blair - it got pretty relentless in the end - and although he is persona non-grata in Britain these days, you can see why the Albanian population still think of him highly. Anyway, at the Pyramid, you can climb up the steps though - there are around 100 of them - and this affords an incredible view over the city. As well as seeing this during the day - the bright white surfaces are glistening in the sunlight - I came back at night time and watched the sun setting over the jagged mountain peaks that rim the city. It was quite a romantic place to be, had I had anyone romantic with me, while there were quite a few other people there too so it was rather noisy.

Speaking of politicians who are thought of highly, George W. Bush is so well-regarded that they named a street after him. He also visited Albania in 2007 when, during the melee, he had his watch stolen off his wrist. This took place outside the Mosque of Namazgah, which was funded by the Turks and is the largest mosque in the Balkans. It has a capacity of 10,000 worshipers, with an outside courtyard area acting as over spill. This was set up for Eid as a place where the children could be entertained. We entered, but the three ladies were not permitted, so we had to go back with our guide. It was the middle of Friday prayers, but I don't know why they weren't allowed as later in the day when I went back, there were women milling about here. At this point, I did decide to go inside the mosque proper, admiring the sumptuous blue carpet and the delicate blue artwork inside. Indeed, Istanbul's Blue Mosque is the main theme here, while the exterior is understated white marble with blue domes. It was all rather breathtaking and I'm glad I got the opportunity to see it, particularly on such a holy day.

Sabian doesn't like politicians apart from Tony Blair and for some reason Boris Johnson, presumably because he didn't have to live in the UK during his abysmal "leadership". The tour ended outside the Bunk'Art 2 project and we were having such a good time that it overran by about 15 minutes. Still, he was good value and I dropped him a tip, as the rest of us did. Later on, he was kind enough to give us some restaurant recommendations as well as some local foods we should try. I was quite faithful to his list. We then all headed our separate ways and I headed into Bunk'Art 2 itself. Bunk'Art 2 is set in one of Albania's many underground bunkers and details the history of Sigurimi, the Albanian secret service during the period of Enver Hoxha's dictatorship. The bunker itself was built in the 1980s under the government quarters - or at least where the main offices are. Interestingly, the Albanian parliament currently sits in an unassuming building tucked behind the Mosque of Namazgah. Apparently, today's politicians want to build a grander building. Anyway, the bunkers detail the history of the police from the formation of the Albanian state in 1912, through to the royalty period of 1925-29 and then on through the 1930s, into the period the country was occupied first by Italy and then Nazi Germany. We then get to the really harrowing aspect - which considering there were photographs of 'traitors' hanged in the 1920s says a lot - the period of the secret service from the 1940s onwards. The border police heavily feature - Albanians were not allowed to leave the country - so there was a whole section on the training of police dogs and the tactics they employed to keep Albanians interned. There was also a big focus on the work camps, with testimonies of those who worked there playing, highlighting the harrowing conditions. In one room, there is a list of over 5,500 names who were sent to these places. Another room detailed those who collaborated with the authorities by snitching on their neighbours, detailing the lengths the secret service went to in order to conceal their identities. Some of the techniques employed were also covered, including bugging devices and surveillance equipment hidden in every day objects like clothing, umbrellas and suitcases. Towards the end, there was also discussion of the various torture techniques employed at the time. Bunk'Art 2 was incredibly harrowing, and the narrow claustrophobic nature of the bunker didn't aid this. It was very restrictive and a sign of the paranoia of Hoxha and his entourage. The signs were in Albanian and English, but the English translations were a little off. These were still better than the audio guide though, which was clearly AI as the tone of the commentary was off, sentences were mangled, and some weren't even finished. This was dismaying as it's the first time that AI has impinged on my holiday and ultimately, I had to turn off the audio guide and rely on the signs. I was pointed to an AI chatbot for further context too, but I couldn't trust the accuracy of the information being given. I therefore left Bunk'Art 2 with a heavy heart, not just because of the disturbing things I had seen, but because the tentacles of AI are imposing themselves in this area too. I would have gone to Bunk'Art 1, the original installation, but this was on the outskirts of town and necessitated getting a bus. In the end, I didn't have time for that.

It was 3pm at this point and I was feeling hungry. I decided to decompress at Mon Cheri, a chain of Albanian coffee shops not too dissimilar to Starbucks. There are loads of these throughout the city, yet when I wanted one, I could barely find a branch. I did eventually though, only to discover that the menu had been covered by bottles of water. I don't like coffee so I asked what else they had, eventually settling on a refreshing mango press drink, while I also grabbed a turkey and cheese sandwich which was toasted to a luke-warm level. It was decent enough and the staff were friendly, although there was only me and one other girl in there. Still, it was a moderately okay lunch and soon afterwards, I headed back to my hotel as it was so close, partly to pick up my coat as there was a chill in the air of the dying day and partly because I needed a snooze, having done an awful lot of walking.

I awoke at around 5pm and decided to catch the last dregs of daylight. I headed over to the Tanners' Bridge, a small remnant of the Ottoman-era city. Built in the eighteenth century, this modest yet peaked stone bridge, it was the main route that farmers took their livestock to slaughter and the leather district (hence the name). It used to span the River Lena, the main river in Tirana, but this was diverted in Communist times and is now just a concrete channel sluicing its way through the city. Apparently, the river used to flood and so this was a worthwhile endeavour, but ultimately, it just makes the river one step higher than a sewage pipe. All rather disappointing. As I was looking at the bridge, a man in a green shirt was walking over it and challenged me as to why it was there, now bridging a nothing. I told him about the river diversion, he agreed, and we merrily went on our separate ways. After this, I climbed up the pyramid to see the sunset over the twinkling tower blocks and minarets of the city, which was a rather moving and evocative affair.

With the light now gone, I decided to walk around and see what I could see. The Twin Towers in Tirana house two banks, Otpbank and Finbank, and I wondered if they ever had a fierce rivalry where they threw things from the blocks at each other. I ambled past here and stumbled across one of the main stadiums (the Air Albania Stadium), right next to Mother Teresa square, which was essentially a roundabout with some decking in the middle of it. The buildings here were lit up well though - the one at the end in a dark blue and the Merriott hotel above the stadium in reds and purples. In the courtyard around the stadium, there were kids playing ball games, while there was a football lit up in the Vodafone colours. Indeed Vodafone do seem to have quite the presence in the Albanian capital as there was a bridge over the Lena that had arches placed along it in the shape of the Vodafone speech logo. All rather depressing, but lit up at night there was a magic to it. I walked around the stadium, tempted to look inside but I didn't, before moving on with my exploring.

After this, I headed into the Blloku district, which is the main area for bars, restaurants and nightlife. I was largely undecided on where to go, but stumbled across a party taking place in the gardens of Hoxha's former house. As villas go, this isn't the greatest, looking more like a condominium built in the 1970s, but for Albanian standards of the time this was quite palatial. The main government residences were all here, and ironically there is now a KFC opposite Hoxha's garden. I was looking for the house as I wanted to see it, so I was delighted to find out I could actually go inside. There was a special event on this weekend called Vila 31 Art Explora with a three-day open studios programme running from Friday through Sunday. I hit there just before 7pm, with the place shutting at 8pm, giving me an hour to explore. I got chatting with one of the curators on the front door and he explained what it was all about, while I then explored the house while looking at some fabulous artwork too. Some of the highlights included the hardcore gay pornographic drawings laid out in one of the offices and the table of food on the ground floor. This cookbook exhibition had recipes for things like baklava, corn bread and bread in milk, yet except detailing how these things were made, the recipes talked about the political and social issues during the Communist time and the privation of the days. In the swimming pool, there was a picture of a snake relating to an old Albanian myth while one of the artists, Dardan Zhegrova, had a film in the basement called "Anchored in the Drift" which was about a gay relationship. It was quite moving but also a little pretentious I found. Zhegrova also did a performance in the garden dressed as a red wolf devil creature, but I only got to see this from one of the balconies of the house rather than outside itself. I did, however, come back on the Saturday and grab a can of Super Bock beer they were selling from a van parked up on the grass. I sat on a deckchair and enjoyed the rave that was going on, expecting another reading, but not really getting one.

After this, I really needed to get some food, so headed down the road to Era Restorant-Piceri. Initially, they struggled to fit me in, and I said I'd walk around and come back later. Then I realised that all this would do would put people ahead of me in the queue, so I went back to the restaurant and agreed to wait for the fifteen minutes they said. This was about right, but I did feel a little guilty that I was seated on a four-person table when it was just me on my own. I bought a bottle of Korca beer - Sabian's favourite but a beer so average it makes you cry - and upon realising that most of the interesting dishes were lunchtime specials and thus not available, opted for the dollma. I could have gone for the really exotic like lamb's intestines, but I'm not the martyr I was fifteen years ago. Dollma, rice wrapped in grape leaves and served in a lemon sauce that looked like cum, are delicious and I really did enjoy the food. I also ordered some bread rolls, which I had with olive oil and an extremely tart apple cider vinegar. It was good grub, but probably not as good as my meal the previous evening.

It was 9pm after this and I thought about maybe going to Radio Bar next door. This had been one of Skavi's recommendations and apparently it's LGBTQ+ friendly, but when I went the day after, I saw little sign of this. The Pink Passion Rum cocktail I had was both sweet and tart, wonderfully delicious, and for 850 leke reasonable value too. The bar itself was bedecked in old radios and CRT TV monitors, a real blast from the past, although the conservatory area where I was was largely bereft of these accoutrements. It was brightly coloured though and the vibe was good, while they even gave me some peanuts to eat with the food too. They were the ones you had to break into yourself, cascading shells all over the place, but it gave me something to do and meant I didn't feel too self-conscious about being on my own. Anyway, this was at 6pm on the Saturday, rather than the Friday as I decided not to go here then. Instead, I went to The Taproom by Pan's Microbrewery. This seems to be the best craft beer bar in the city and certainly it was the best one I tried. While they did have about fifteen taps, only five were functional, but this was enough for a tasting flight. I found the two IPAs particularly tart, but the other three beers were very pleasant. Before getting my board, I decided to sit underneath an electric heater with a cat who was curled up there enjoying the warmth. Alas, about five minutes later, a group of seven young people turned up and were struggling for a place to sit. I had a table of four to myself, and there was another empty table next to me, with little other option for this posse. I volunteered to move, to which they were so grateful that they paid for my beers. I didn't know this until I got up to pay and thanked them profusely for their generosity. I also had some peanuts here, come to think of it.

With the gate closing at 11pm, I wanted to get back in time, but what had been a happy day took a turn for the worse as I dropped my phone in the toilet as I was leaving. Fortunately, the chain had been flushed and I hadn't yet used it, while I was able to fish it out pretty quickly. However, once I had gotten back to my hotel, I was alarmed to discover the charger wasn't working as there was liquid in the system. With only 25% charge, being in a foreign country, and all of my boarding passes on the device, I started to panic. I dabbed at the connection with tissue paper, I used a hairdryer on it, but it took about two hours before it was dry enough to start functioning again. Fortunately it did and although I ended up staying up until 2am to ensure it had reached 100% charge with no issues, I was very relieved that my mistake hadn't put a dampener on my trip. The only issue with this was that my planned get up time of 9am was pushed back later and later, with me not surfacing until nearer 11am. I had bought another croissant for breakfast, but the truth was I was incredibly tired after just one day of touring. Yes, it had been intense - I had been out for twelve hours and had walked over 26,000 steps - but I never remember being this tired and that really does worry me. Still, it didn't cause too many issues, even if I did feel somewhat foggy throughout my second day in the city.

It's been three weeks without alcohol, the longest period without drinking in my adult life, and things have developed a pretty decent rhythm. This will change on Tuesday as we are going to a St. Patrick's Day event, but this whole thing was about reducing alcohol consumption rather than cutting it out entirely. We have also forgone any snacks and have reduced bread consumption too. With increased exercise - made a little more difficult this week due to an annoying blister on my foot which has only just cleared - I surely must have lost weight, but it doesn't feel like it. I doubt I'll ever be happy.

It's been another largely pedestrian week. Work has been work, while I have managed to squeeze some writing in too. I'm feeling a little pessimistic about this right now, wondering what the point of it is, but at least I am still motivated to do things. Hopefully I can harness this energy over the coming days and weeks. I am still very tired though and generally depressed, things have changed little from my negative post last week. I should probably go and get my ADHD diagnosis sorted out, but things keep cropping up.

The only other thing that's happened this week was Al Song came to visit on Friday. We met up at 7pm, after he had toured the Zitadelle, and I guided him around Spandau. We then met up with Wolfie at Cappuccino for dinner. They had run out of pizzas, which was a little frustrating but afforded us the opportunity to try their pasta dishes. They were quite delicious, although the mushrooms on mine became a little too slimy towards the end as they had spent minutes sat in the sauce. Normally, I would swerve pasta at a restaurant as this type of dish is much easier to make at home, but I'm glad we got to try some. Wolfie had been wanting to sample their pasta dishes for a while so this gave him the perfect opportunity.

We headed back to ours after this, via the supermarket, and Al stayed until around 2am. It was great catching up with him again - this was the first time we had seen him since late December - and I do hope he can stay another year with his current teaching program. He has fitted so well into Berlin life that I am somewhat envious - he has certainly found it much easier to make friends here than I have - but he has also been a catalyst for me doing things too. He wanted to come around tomorrow, but I'm too busy with writing, but we've arranged quite a few meet-ups in the coming weeks, which should be fun. I also managed to give him the Anubis mouse mat and the candy I bought for him while at Nordic Fuzzcon the other week.

It has been a week of nothing. We're now two weeks into our diet, where we're having no alcohol and reduced bread and snack intake, and I don't feel any better for it. Indeed, I feel I may have put weight on, which makes no sense as I know I've had a calorie deficit. The weather has turned very Spring-like too, hitting 19C earlier in the week, meaning I have been walking an awful lot too, to the point of giving myself blisters as my new shoes seem to have less sole than the previous ones. I guess I'll just have to keep going as getting my weight down will improve my self-esteem, but my mental health has been in the gutter this week and it seems to be getting worse. I should probably try and get some sort of help before it gets exceptionally bad, but I'm caught in a spiral from which I'm unsure how to escape. Global events are contributing significantly to this, while I am tempted to get off social media for a while too. Part of this is the news, but part of it is that everyone seems to be on broadcast mode and it's easy to get overlooked. I hate having to compete for attention and yet that seems to be how things are these days.

This weekend was always going to be quiet. I had my rearranged writing group last night which went well, while we were going to go and see Hoppers today, the new Pixar movie. Alas, despite buying the tickets, I have decided not to go as Procyon alerted me to its snake-heavy content. There are no snakes in the trailer, nor on the main advertising posters, so I appreciate the heads-up as it would have been horrific had I walked in blind. However, it is frustrating that this is now three major furry movies - The Bad Guys 2 and Zootopia 2 being the others - which have snakes as a central theme, meaning I feel like I'm missing out again. However, when I googled what these snakes looked like last night, I knew I would find them terrifying on the big screen. I feel bad for Wolfie that we're missing the movie but he seems philosophical enough. However, it hasn't helped my low self-esteem.

Another issue is I feel somewhat lost here. Berlin is one of the greatest cities in the world and yet, in five years, I have precious few friends. I'd like to hit the pup and kink scene more, but Wolfie seems more interested in VR, and I have no-one to go with. My German is acceptable but still not great, and while I am committed to a German language course from next month, I doubt it's ever going to be good enough. Then, of course, there is the whole self-esteem issue as previously mentioned. I have always hated myself, but have been very good at running away from it. What I hadn't realised was just how much I hate myself. I'm hoping weight loss is one way of improving that, but I know it won't be a panacea. Changing my job will also help.

Speaking of which, work is work - no breakthrough on a new job - while my main client may be forcing through redundancies in the coming weeks. Whether I am affected, I am unsure, but I'd be happy either way. I've wanted to get out for a while, but the money is useful, so I guess we'll just see what happens. My UK business may be starting to take off though, meaning I may have to leave anyway, so I'm just going to take each day as it comes and see where I end up. No doubt everything will settle in due course, but this could be a positive in the mid-term at least.

The fallout from the Brewdog sale has been interesting, with a lot of righteous anger on the Brewdog forum. The new owners, Tilray, seems to be making decent-enough overtures towards those who invested in Brewdog and I accept they probably saved as many jobs as they possibly could. I'm not overly enamoured with the situation though, but that isn't Tilray's fault. While access to Brewdog products will now be very difficult in Berlin and Leeds, there has been talk of opening bars again so I do hope Leeds will have a venue in a different location. It would be nice to see, certainly, as travelling to Manchester or Hull to go to a Brewdog bar simply isn't viable. The introduction of new U.S. craft beers is of interest though, but for me the jury's still out. Let's see how the rest of the year goes.

Next week promises to be a busier one, with Suede tomorrow night and a chat with a student journalist about the history of LeedsFurs on Wednesday. I'm hoping I can survive another week without alcohol, but there are some social events on the horizon the week after next, where I will be back on it again. Still, this whole thing is about changing my lifestyle rather than being a monk - no alcohol and snacks in the house will have a big effect - so I'm hoping I can find a good equilibrium. In the meantime, I hope I can sort my head out as this cannot go on for much longer either.

After three weeks of travelling, it has been good to stay in the same place this week, although all of the usual issues with day-to-day living have returned too. I'm still no further ahead on the job front, I still have all of the same doubts as before, and I'm still wondering what the future will bring. One thing we have done this week is to cut alcohol out completely. Twenty-two pints at Scotiacon (plus a beer tasting session) and sixteen at NFC was definitely too much. I've wanted to lose weight for a long time and I've decided the only way I can do this is to ban alcohol in the house completely. I'll still drink in social settings, but there aren't too many of those over the coming weeks. We have also decided to eat only healthy snacks (carrots and hummus this weekend) and reduce bread consumption too. What hasn't helped has been the con crud we picked up after NFC too. It has been more low level and annoying, but again I'm not sleeping, and have not felt my best.

It has been a little difficult swerving alcohol, but tonight's Jackbox session wasn't too bad in this regard. I have been drinking carbonated water with cordial and it went quite well. Unlike the January event, which ended abruptly, tonight we were on for six hours. Most of the games we played were from the most recent, eleventh, iteration of Jackbox. Doominate was probably my favourite as it had similar vibes to Quiplash, plus it had a unicorn. Suspectives I was unsure about until the very end, when the clues and answers somehow came together, making deducing the criminal much easier and fun. You could also be dogs in that one. Cookie Haus was okay, although the cow character was a little annoying, while Legends of Trivia was absolutely fantastic. This is a three-part RPG game where you have to answer trivia questions to beat monsters. I got to be a dragon in a yellow flowing dress and although most of the questions were frustratingly too geeky for me, the fact we had to work as a team rather than against each other, meant we completed the game. Ultimately, though, it's just been great to get all of our friends back together again - this was the highlight of the lock down years - and it's cementing my view that we should probably move back to the UK (even if nearly everyone we know inconveniently lives in Manchester these days).

On Friday, Brewdog announced the immediate liquidation of their brewery and shop in Germany. This wasn't too surprising, but it is disappointing. I suppose it will make the no drinking thing easier, but we've lost about half of the decent craft beers in Berlin in the last two years, and the place was hardly replete with them in the first place. I'm more pissed off than I thought I would be about this, but with the final Leeds bar having closed in January, the whole brand is now dead to me. They'll likely be bought out by a macro brewery, with their UK operations surviving (although I think the bars will close), but I doubt I'll patronise them again. They will become everything they railed against, while the owners cashed out nicely.

It has felt very Spring-like today, with temperatures approaching 19C, so I've been enjoying the sun. It was great getting out and about, and with it now being March, it does feel the worst of the Winter is behind us. The weather tomorrow is cloudier and cooler though. I was tempted to go to the post-NFC anti-PCD fursuit walk around the city centre, but this was moved from Saturday to Sunday due to a BVG strike and I like to keep Sundays free. Instead, I am hoping to do some more writing tomorrow - having made some requested revisions to another story midweek - while I'd like to relax a little more ahead of another full working week next week. I am hoping for more luck on the job front too, but it's been two years since I started applying for jobs seriously, and still there is little. I'll keep going, but it is affecting my confidence.

What else? World events are also starting to intrude again - it's a shame we couldn't have one month without the threat of global war hanging over us - but the situation in Iran is desperately worrying. I have no idea how it will go from here. At least Reform lost the Gorton and Denton by-election in midweek and I hope Labour will pivot to the left after the Greens' convincing victory there. I doubt they will, but they really need to, as their Blue Labour tripe is clearly convincing no one. Aside from that, we have the usual right-wing threats from the usual right-wing people, which has me feeling riled and irritable. I don't like being like this, but it's hard not be at times. Certainly, I have become more cynical and bitter of late, and I do need to rein that in. I have no idea how, but it's something I should try and work out.

The news about Brewdog this weekend was not surprising. It has been clear for a while that the company is not doing well and ultimately, I would not be surprised if it goes under. It is clear, at the very best, that there will be some sort of asset stripping, but then there aren't that many assets left to strip. It all looks doomed, but then I might be wrong.

I invested in the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, and 5th iterations of the Equity For Punks scheme, sinking £475 into the business. I'm aware I am not going to get any of this back, but then that's investments for you. It's all just gambling in a suit. And ultimately, I have made more than £475 back in discounts and merchandise so I can't really complain. I also don't regret travelling around Europe to get my beer visas stamped. We spent a good chunk of 2018 doing this and it was a good opportunity to go to places we had never been before. Was it pointless? Perhaps, but then it was a hobby. I don't understand the appeal of other people's hobbies, this was something that Wolfie and I could do together.

Do I regret investing? Not really, certainly not prior to 2017 when most (if not all) of my investments were made. The truth is that Brewdog changed after a significant chunk of money from a venture capitalist company that year at very onerous terms. These devalued my shares significantly. I probably should have cashed out then, but the valuation was poor. At the same time, community was discarded and everything became corporate, as is often the case with such deals. Ironically, this also happened to the company where I was employed at around the same time - it was bought by a group owned by investment bankers and everything became about bottom lines and spreadsheets. It became a much less dynamic place to work and ultimately I was made redundant during the first lockdown in 2020.

I was fully on board with the Brewdog vision prior to 2017 and I am still thankful for their huge role in popularising craft beer in the UK and beyond. Prior to 2010, there was very little and now you can even buy decent ones in supermarkets. When the bars opened, they were great places to try exciting guest beers, and they did offer a leg-up to many small breweries at the time. We became friends with the bar staff, had regular pub meets there, and it did feel like a community. However, the last few years have also proven that the best craft beer is local. I was out in Bradford last night and this was highlighted again. By trying to conquer the world, the Brewdog senior management clearly made many poor business decisions and it is these that have directly contributed to the current malaise. Spirits, sours, seltzers, spice rubs, and expanding quickly into certain territories are just some examples. They also diluted their offering, brewing poorer quality beer.

Brewdog was largely dead to me before this announcement. The closing of the final Leeds bar last month, coupled with the shuttering of their German online shop at the start of February, has narrowed down my options significantly. What's sad is that should the other two Brewdog bars in Berlin close (which is likely - the one in Friedrichshain fell in mid-Janaury) then the number of craft beer bars in the German captial will have halved in three years. That's not a good trajectory. You also see the same in cities like Birmingham and Leeds, which does make me fear for the future. Furthermore, there's no longer a place to get reasonable craft beer at reasonable prices in Berlin. I guess this will help me with my weight loss goals if nothing else.

You can point to COVID, the cost of living, higher energy prices, and lower hop yields due to climate change as all being contributory factors. You can also highlight reduced drinking in general - although the rise of non-alcoholic beers should mitigate a good chunk of this - but ultimately Brewdog failed because of poor business decisions and trying to become a macro while discarding the community that helped found it. Poor quality at a high price point with reputational damage to boot.

Do I feel betrayed? Certainly. The senior management cashed out nicely. But then this disappointment is just one in a long line of disappointments. The well-publicised allegations against certain people in the business, the removal of their B-Corp status, the withdrawal of their commitment to being a living wage employer, trying to open a bar in Dubai while claiming to be pro-LGBTQ+ rights, and shutting bars with merely hours notice all left a bitter taste in the mouth. They even stopped promoting local guest breweries too, resorting to their own now poorer-quality offerings. However, what also leaves a bitter taste is a few furs celebrating the company's demise when there will likely be a large swathe of people left unemployed as a result.

Ultimately, then, I have mixed feelings. I'll be sad to see Brewdog go, but then they long ago abandoned their principles. Furthermore, by trying to compete with tha macro breweries, they have brewed below-par beer for years. By forgetting about community, particularly the one they needed from the start, I do not lament their demise. I just hope all of the good people who worked for them will be able to find new roles should the worst come to the worst.

I'm now halfway through my trip to the UK and the weather has been the dullest, dreariest grey I have ever known. It has barely stopped raining, which has been prohibitive, so I suppose having to work has been a blessing. I don't particularly like working when staying with my parents - I was at my father's place before Scotiacon and I'm at my mother's place now - but with so little to do, it's a trade-off I can live with. Of course, with both parents having dogs, they are proving to be quite the distraction while my wrist sprains sustained a couple of weeks ago from falling over seem to be getting worse rather than better. This has made typing painful and I may have to go for an X-ray once I get back to Germany.

The benefit of working at my parents is I can spend longer with them. I spent four days with my father for example. While I was kept busy during the day, it meant I was able to chat during the evenings, even going on the occasional walk with Edward the dog. He was a bit weird, at one minute affectionate, the next disinterested, but he was largely nay bother. We also managed to go up to The Murray Park for another fantastic barmeal, although I did swerve the Chicken Highlander with haggis as last time I tried it, it was dry. The fish and chips were divine though, as was the selection of Scottish cheeses, but as ever these never come with enough crackers. You would think that this would be the cheapest part of the ensemble and yet the cheese was overloaded. Still, I couldn't complain for £10. With my mother, we have largely been watching the Winter Olympics, with us trying and failing to understand the figure skating scores. The performances were something else and despite initially struggling to get into it, I did find myself getting more involved the more the competition progressed.

My parents living in different parts of the country has made visiting more tricky, thus necessitating working from theirs, but I suppose that means longer stays. I'm only with my mother for two days though - there's less to do in her rural farmhouse than my father's medium-sized town. It has been jarring switching between my real name and he/him pronouns with my parents compared to she/her and my fur name at the con, but I guess it's something I'll have to live with for now. After the harrassment I endured from normies on Friday, it's particularly jarring though. I'm still unsure where I want to take my gender and although my parents will probably be supportive, there's probably no need to tell them yet. The only other negative is the alcohol and heavy food that's being plied on me, particularly after a convention where I drank 22 pints and did a craft beer tasting too. I may cut drinking out completely post-NFC and see if I can get my weight down as that would be a huge boost to my self-esteem and gender issues. Seeing this beer belly enhances my maleness and causes a load of discomfort. Losing it will definitely help me.

Aside from this, I have been trying to sort out my professional situation, but two more full-time job rejections during my time away has hit my confidence. Still, there could be a few positive changes with my two main clients, plus I may get more freelance editing gigs inside the furry fandom too. This was one of the reasons behind the creation of my business cards which I distributed at Scotiacon, although I know that full-time furry editing is unlikely to generate the income I need. Still, I feel I may be able to construct something that works, but I'll have to see.

It has been an incredibly busy and exhausting week, to the point of being overwhelming. I have still felt lethargic after the tail-end of last week's illness, but pushed myself through work despite my better judgement. This was despite sleeping exceptionally poorly on both Monday night and Wednesday night, with an average of two hours' sleep each night. I've also been applying for jobs, while on Friday, I submitted all the details for my tax return to my accountants. Now that's done, I'm hoping to get the final document I need for the immigration people for me to secure permanent residence. It has taken longer than expected, but I'm hoping I'm reaching the end of the bureaucracy, at least for now.

Tomorrow, I head back to the UK for 18 days, largely to see family and attend Scotiacon. The direct flights to Glasgow have all been seemingly cancelled so I am going via Edinburgh. I'll be seeing my father before the con, and I'm glad I opted to fly on Sunday rather than Friday night (there were no flights today). There were a few reasons for this - I wanted to do more writing today and there is an online Jackbox event this evening - but it has given me more time to do all the chores I needed to do. One of those was on Friday when I went for my usual yearly trip to the sexual health clinic. I always go in January and had wanted to do it earlier in the month, but the illness, lack of sleep and falling over on the snow twice pushed things further back. I tend to feel sick when I have my blood taken and I didn't want to risk fainting. The service is really friendly though and I got all the tests I needed, with the results coming on Monday. Fortunately, I didn't fall on the snow again. After last Saturday's tumble on the packing strap, I slipped down a hill on Tuesday when carrying my shopping home. I fell on my bum, which at least cushioned the blow, but pulled muscles in my right wrist and thumb. This didn't hurt as much as Saturday's fall, but it has resulted in having two painful wrists for most of the week.

Aside from that, I haven't done as much writing as I would have liked this week, due to the illness and bureaucracy. Wolfie is still sick with his cough, which is now starting its fourth week, so I had to do most of the chores again, including picking up parcels from the local pack station when they couldn't be bothered to ring on the doorbell. I also wanted to meet up with Al and the crew this week before going back to the UK, but ultimately, I ran out of time. Still, I had a productive writers' group meeting last night and my writing website has had its best month ever. Furthermore, there may be a few more freelance editing gigs coming my way, which will hopefully mean I can ditch my least favourite client. We'll see what happens on that regard, but I would really like to move into professional editing of fiction and non-fiction than the soul-sucking stuff I'm doing now.

I'm also glad that January is now over as it seems to have lasted half a year. With two cons and family visits in February, I'm hoping for a good month, while I'd really love my professional situation to improve. I am trying, that's all I can say, but things are tough on the jobs market right now. I just have to keep going I guess, but I'd like a bit of luck soon.

Early Sunday morning update: It's been a fun evening on Jackbox playing the likes of Gartic Phone with the usual crew. It felt very much like the one bright spell of the pandemic again and I am glad these are coming back every month. It did end quite early though, with Procyon, Doveux, Wolfie and I staying on for another few hours to play a few more games. It was great catching up and I'm looking forward to the next one.

We've just come back from Hamburg, where we attended the inaugural furry rock and metal dance, Winter's Embrace. I've been yearning for such an event for almost 20 years. The furry dance scene is very well-established, particularly in Germany, but many organisers have been very sniffy when it comes to anything outside of the usual electronic genres. I have always thought this was a mistake - the metal dances at NFC and CFz are both very popular - so there was no reason why a dedicated rock and metal dance shouldn't work. This was where Winter's Embrace came in, which sold out within the first week of tickets opening, meaning it was a full and riotous occasion. It lasted for ten hours and took place in the Stellwerk Club at Harburg train station. This is a club between platforms 3 and 4, which you can see on the main dance floor. It was fascinating watching all the trains pull in and out, as well as dancing in fursuit in front of the smokers who were sat on the bench outside. The signal box theme of the club (Stellwerk is the German for signal box) with a real semaphore signal in the corner was also fantastic.

The dance area itself was quite small but there was room for a dedicated moshpit. The styles of music varied between rock/metal and hardstyle, but it was quite synchronous. Unfortunately, due to technical issues, proceedings didn't start until about 40 minutes after they should have done. We had sponsor tickets so we were allowed to enter the club early, meaning we were hanging around for over an hour and a half just chilling and chatting. The bar were serving bottles of Ratsherrn craft beer for €5 a pop, although they did have an odd 50 cents Pfand system which didn't make much sense, while I did have an interesting chat with one of the bar staff who preferred cash over card for data privacy reasons. We also caught up with DASPRiD, who was hosting a heavy metal set at 8pm (moved to 8:40pm due to the delay). I decided to get into suit for this, spending the full two hours moshing and rocking on the dance floor. I have been very fatigued since summer though and it was quite difficult to remain in suit for so long, but I pushed my way through and rewarded myself with some Haribo suppositories at the end. There was a load of free food on offer, both in the fursuit lounge and near the bar, so I spent a lot of the evening grazing on Haribo and paprika-flavoured crisps, while at one point in suit, I was asked "Femboi or Scottish?" on account of me wearing a kilt. "Why not both?" I replied.

We ended up staying until 2am, eight of the 10 hours, largely because of my tiredness. Wolfie's leg, which has behaved all weekend, was starting to give him some issues by this point and with the music turning to hardstyle and the like, I had less interest. The highlight of the evening was DJ Fuchs's metal mix, which included loads of nu-metal bangers along with some pop punk too. I would have liked to have suited for this too, but alas I was too tried. Also, annoying, as soon as I had gotten into suit the first time, I needed a pee, which is a challenge as I have no zippers. We managed, but my aging weak bladder is starting to become an annoyance. Apparently, there was a reward for the best fursuit there - we were given stickers to give to your favourite one - but I don't think many people participated in this. Anyway, I didn't win, I know that. There were only a handful of full suiters there, so the changing area was pretty well-sized for us. It was in the main bar area, away from the smaller club area.

All in all then it was a fantastic event and one I really hope returns next year. Hansa Furs did a great job, while EF donated all of the equipment. I'm glad to see that a rock and metal furry rave is not only possible, but popular, and I hope more will spring up. I also hope it will convince other cons that there is demand for this type of music and there is nothing wrong about having some more diversity. Let's see what happens.

The rest of the trip was pretty uneventful, but no less fun. We got into Hamburg about 20 minutes late at 10:30pm and checked into our hotel, the Holiday Inn niu. This was around the corner from the usual Premier Inn we stay at in Hammerbook. I wanted to try somewhere new and it was a little cheaper. I signed up to their membership program to get the free late check-out to 2pm, which was useful today, even if room keeping knocked on our door twice beforehand. They apologised at reception, saying sometimes people are drunk and forget to wake up, but it was a little annoying. As we had a bit of time before our train back today, we grabbed a burger at Burger Heroes, a local smash burger chain that conveniently had a branch right outside the train station. This was very juicy and tender, but the fries were the best, with the aioli sauce incredible. Once sated, we ended up in a simple bar at the train station as we had an hour to kill before catching our train. We sat with a beer and watched live coverage of three Bundesliga 2 matches simultaneously, with the coverage switching between all three. 

On Friday evening, after we had checked in, we headed to Craft Bier Bar, a place we usually go as it's the best craft beer bar in the city. So it was again, with a range of interesting beers on tap. Most of these were 250ml pours and Wolfie and I had one each. We usually share, but Wolfie still had the remnants of the cold that's been plaguing him for over a week. Towards the end, the man wearing flags was back singing Nessum Dorma. We stayed until closing and there was one angry man who told him to 'fuck off' and I don't know why. The barman tried to persuade this guy no to do his usual party piece, but he asked whether he could sing it just once. The barman acquiesced and I'm glad that he did. This guy is a bit strange, but harmless, and it adds character to the place. We also spent a good amount of time marvelling at a Namco Japanese shooter game from 1995 with shonky graphics and an even shonkier story line.

Little else has happened this week. The Trump tariff threats have overshadowed the weekend a little bit, but hopefully Europe will stand up to his insanity. I had a palaver over picking up a copy of The Wideness of the World, the Furry Historical Fiction Society book in which I appear. UPS said they couldn't deliver it on Monday, despite me being in all day, so they sent it to a pack station 35 minutes' walk from my house. They said I just needed my ID, but when I got there on Thursday, they insisted on a QR or eight-digit code, neither of which I had. I tried to ring customer service but it wouldn't connect, so I sent them an email once I had gotten back home, annoyed. Fortunately, they did send me a code on Friday and that meant I could pick it up, but it was a huge chunk out of both days. The only other writing thing that's happened this week is the launch of the Ursa Majors, in which I have two stories in the running. I'm currently canvassing for nominations, as it would be great to make the shortlist.

Conveniently, little is happening at work, at least with the main client. I am not sure how long this is going to last though and I think it won't be long before the arrangement comes to an end. This would be annoying financially, but I wouldn't lament losing the work, although it would be nice to find something else to replace it beforehand. I have been applying for many jobs, but have had little come back. You either get ghosted, rejected, or the job is no longer available. This latter situation has happened twice in the last six weeks now and is particularly annoying as both of these jobs looked very good. I spent a lot of time on the applications, so it is frustrating, but I guess I've just got to keep ploughing on. I would like a break though as a dedicated professional purpose would probably improve my self-esteem somewhat.