A Week Of Nothing
Mar. 8th, 2026 06:50 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lupestripeIt has been a week of nothing. We're now two weeks into our diet, where we're having no alcohol and reduced bread and snack intake, and I don't feel any better for it. Indeed, I feel I may have put weight on, which makes no sense as I know I've had a calorie deficit. The weather has turned very Spring-like too, hitting 19C earlier in the week, meaning I have been walking an awful lot too, to the point of giving myself blisters as my new shoes seem to have less sole than the previous ones. I guess I'll just have to keep going as getting my weight down will improve my self-esteem, but my mental health has been in the gutter this week and it seems to be getting worse. I should probably try and get some sort of help before it gets exceptionally bad, but I'm caught in a spiral from which I'm unsure how to escape. Global events are contributing significantly to this, while I am tempted to get off social media for a while too. Part of this is the news, but part of it is that everyone seems to be on broadcast mode and it's easy to get overlooked. I hate having to compete for attention and yet that seems to be how things are these days.
This weekend was always going to be quiet. I had my rearranged writing group last night which went well, while we were going to go and see Hoppers today, the new Pixar movie. Alas, despite buying the tickets, I have decided not to go as Procyon alerted me to its snake-heavy content. There are no snakes in the trailer, nor on the main advertising posters, so I appreciate the heads-up as it would have been horrific had I walked in blind. However, it is frustrating that this is now three major furry movies - The Bad Guys 2 and Zootopia 2 being the others - which have snakes as a central theme, meaning I feel like I'm missing out again. However, when I googled what these snakes looked like last night, I knew I would find them terrifying on the big screen. I feel bad for Wolfie that we're missing the movie but he seems philosophical enough. However, it hasn't helped my low self-esteem.
Another issue is I feel somewhat lost here. Berlin is one of the greatest cities in the world and yet, in five years, I have precious few friends. I'd like to hit the pup and kink scene more, but Wolfie seems more interested in VR, and I have no-one to go with. My German is acceptable but still not great, and while I am committed to a German language course from next month, I doubt it's ever going to be good enough. Then, of course, there is the whole self-esteem issue as previously mentioned. I have always hated myself, but have been very good at running away from it. What I hadn't realised was just how much I hate myself. I'm hoping weight loss is one way of improving that, but I know it won't be a panacea. Changing my job will also help.
Speaking of which, work is work - no breakthrough on a new job - while my main client may be forcing through redundancies in the coming weeks. Whether I am affected, I am unsure, but I'd be happy either way. I've wanted to get out for a while, but the money is useful, so I guess we'll just see what happens. My UK business may be starting to take off though, meaning I may have to leave anyway, so I'm just going to take each day as it comes and see where I end up. No doubt everything will settle in due course, but this could be a positive in the mid-term at least.
The fallout from the Brewdog sale has been interesting, with a lot of righteous anger on the Brewdog forum. The new owners, Tilray, seems to be making decent-enough overtures towards those who invested in Brewdog and I accept they probably saved as many jobs as they possibly could. I'm not overly enamoured with the situation though, but that isn't Tilray's fault. While access to Brewdog products will now be very difficult in Berlin and Leeds, there has been talk of opening bars again so I do hope Leeds will have a venue in a different location. It would be nice to see, certainly, as travelling to Manchester or Hull to go to a Brewdog bar simply isn't viable. The introduction of new U.S. craft beers is of interest though, but for me the jury's still out. Let's see how the rest of the year goes.
Next week promises to be a busier one, with Suede tomorrow night and a chat with a student journalist about the history of LeedsFurs on Wednesday. I'm hoping I can survive another week without alcohol, but there are some social events on the horizon the week after next, where I will be back on it again. Still, this whole thing is about changing my lifestyle rather than being a monk - no alcohol and snacks in the house will have a big effect - so I'm hoping I can find a good equilibrium. In the meantime, I hope I can sort my head out as this cannot go on for much longer either.
This weekend was always going to be quiet. I had my rearranged writing group last night which went well, while we were going to go and see Hoppers today, the new Pixar movie. Alas, despite buying the tickets, I have decided not to go as Procyon alerted me to its snake-heavy content. There are no snakes in the trailer, nor on the main advertising posters, so I appreciate the heads-up as it would have been horrific had I walked in blind. However, it is frustrating that this is now three major furry movies - The Bad Guys 2 and Zootopia 2 being the others - which have snakes as a central theme, meaning I feel like I'm missing out again. However, when I googled what these snakes looked like last night, I knew I would find them terrifying on the big screen. I feel bad for Wolfie that we're missing the movie but he seems philosophical enough. However, it hasn't helped my low self-esteem.
Another issue is I feel somewhat lost here. Berlin is one of the greatest cities in the world and yet, in five years, I have precious few friends. I'd like to hit the pup and kink scene more, but Wolfie seems more interested in VR, and I have no-one to go with. My German is acceptable but still not great, and while I am committed to a German language course from next month, I doubt it's ever going to be good enough. Then, of course, there is the whole self-esteem issue as previously mentioned. I have always hated myself, but have been very good at running away from it. What I hadn't realised was just how much I hate myself. I'm hoping weight loss is one way of improving that, but I know it won't be a panacea. Changing my job will also help.
Speaking of which, work is work - no breakthrough on a new job - while my main client may be forcing through redundancies in the coming weeks. Whether I am affected, I am unsure, but I'd be happy either way. I've wanted to get out for a while, but the money is useful, so I guess we'll just see what happens. My UK business may be starting to take off though, meaning I may have to leave anyway, so I'm just going to take each day as it comes and see where I end up. No doubt everything will settle in due course, but this could be a positive in the mid-term at least.
The fallout from the Brewdog sale has been interesting, with a lot of righteous anger on the Brewdog forum. The new owners, Tilray, seems to be making decent-enough overtures towards those who invested in Brewdog and I accept they probably saved as many jobs as they possibly could. I'm not overly enamoured with the situation though, but that isn't Tilray's fault. While access to Brewdog products will now be very difficult in Berlin and Leeds, there has been talk of opening bars again so I do hope Leeds will have a venue in a different location. It would be nice to see, certainly, as travelling to Manchester or Hull to go to a Brewdog bar simply isn't viable. The introduction of new U.S. craft beers is of interest though, but for me the jury's still out. Let's see how the rest of the year goes.
Next week promises to be a busier one, with Suede tomorrow night and a chat with a student journalist about the history of LeedsFurs on Wednesday. I'm hoping I can survive another week without alcohol, but there are some social events on the horizon the week after next, where I will be back on it again. Still, this whole thing is about changing my lifestyle rather than being a monk - no alcohol and snacks in the house will have a big effect - so I'm hoping I can find a good equilibrium. In the meantime, I hope I can sort my head out as this cannot go on for much longer either.
