Sad Makes Puppy...

It's currently -2 degrees in Moscow but it is after midnight so that is to be expected. We arrived in the Russian capital late last night to poor weather and promptly had a load of hurdles put in our way which prevented us from arriving at our hostel until 1.45am.

We arrived in the city centre after taking the sleek and stylish express train from the airport. There was TV on the service which consisted of videos of crocodiles failing in their hunting endeavours and adverts for environmental characters including Greenpeace which had a waving dog with a watering can in it.

Once we arrived we couldn't find any taxis whatsoever, which meant we had a problem as we only had the address and nothing else. We decided to go to a McDonald's - whose logo was written in Cyrillic fantastically - to use their wifi. We also had a beef roll, an eastern European burger in a wrap.

With directions found and Google maps guiding is, we ventured on to the Metro. I had read how the system worked and my stuttering Russian can cover buying two tickets so we were generally okay getting aboard. We still came across a rude man though who shoved us out of his way at the cash desk. Indeed Moscow is full of rude people.

The stop we needed was closed - we didn't know this until the station was skipped - so we had to plan an alternative route. Eventually we found the metro station we needed, got there and followed Google maps to completely the wrong place. It turned out to be the Ministry of Transport so we left very quickly.

An hour later of walking around in the persistent drizzle and I phoned my Russian fur contact who was asleep. I tried another fur who thankfully could guide us - although it did take 25 minutes on a roaming phone call so I dread to think how much that is going to cost. Anyway the galling thing was the hostel is 50m from the metro station. The road name I had been given was a mix of Russian and English and I didn't realise that I actually knew the Russian for the English part (garden = sad) so I was looking at the road it was on all the time.

What didn't help in all this was our inability to find a taxi. The drivers either ignored us, were asleep or we were barged out of the way by a rude Muscovite. When we tried to hail a taxi, randoms stopped instead while one woman who was in the area was clearly a prostitute.

The code we were given to get into the hostel was incorrect so we had to use our initiative to crack it. We then clambered up the eight floors to the room as the lift was broken. They had clearly given up on us coming as they were storing dirty plates in the room but everything was soon sorted and we were let into our basic and slightly faded room. Still it's functional and despite the hideous Hanseatic wallpaper it's a good place.

I will update how I spent my birthday in the morning but it was one of the greatest days of my life. The generosity, openness and vivacity of the Moscow furs is extraordinary and it has been a very special day ^^

The Tale Of The Chocolate Dog Cock

Yesterday (by which I mean my birthday), I awoke to the sound of 14 furries knocking at my bedroom door. A dream for many but with intolerable jet lag, well, actually it was still a dream.

I went outside once I had donned some clothes and met the crew. Nexion, the fur who has helped us so much regarding organising this trip, introduced me to everyone while the Russian receptionist at the hostel looked on perplexed. Happy birthdays were greeted and I was given one of the greatest presents ever - one of those Russian dolls but a Lupestripe version.

We descended down the eight flights of stairs and grabbed some breakfast at one of the ubiquitous Subway restaurants. This is sad example of how globalisation is making everywhere the same. Our first two meals here were McDonalds and Subway while there are also Burger King, KFC, Wendy's and Dunkin Fucking Donuts here. All the Soviet resistance to American brands has evaporated although we did enjoy a nice meal in My-My (pronounced Moo-Moo), a cheap and cheerful cow themed restaurant which came out of the ashes of the old Soviet canteens.

Like all Soviet Metro systems, the one in Moscow is something to behold. Ornate, classical and still dripping with Soviet iconography, these spaces melded functionality with art in a way the West simply didn't do. Marble is still a strong theme and every station has its own unique character.

We were headed for Red Square, one of the most iconic places in the world. As we approached it over a bridge and the wondrous Hotel Metropol, the view of St Basil's Cathedral in the sunset was truly magnificent. We saw the church's famous five domes - the ones with the varying colour and design - while the Kremlin to its left was equally sublime.

If you want an area surrounded by stunning architecture then Red Square is it. As well as the Kremlin, with its stately clock towers and blood red walls, the Soviet shopping centre is a triumph of ornate wonder in grey. At the far end is the rubescent and intricate National History Museum while the simplicity of Lenin's Mausoleum and the state burial area adds to the atmosphere.

There is also another church at one end, outside which lies the centre of Moscow. It is marked by a series of gold plaques with animal features and it is tradition to stand in the centre, throw a coin over your shoulder and make a wish. I did this twice as the furs wanted a good picture of me.

Around the other side of the Kremlin is the eternal flame, guarded by two Russian soldiers. We observed the changing of the guard before looking at the Hero Cities monument, which is my fifth overall. We also spied an obelisk dedicated to those who died during the Napoleonic Wars and a courting cave under the Kremlin itself.

We didn't go into the Kremlin as it was shutting so we decided to go to the Bolshoi Theatre via a square which contained someone dressed as the ugliest Shrek I have ever seen. We also walked past Stardogs, a hot dog stand which in Cyrillic looks like Crapdogs (the snausages here are actually quite tasty to be fair). The theatre was stunning, as all these buildings tend to be. The contrast in styles between this and the Lenin Library - a Greek style huge Soviet thing with a statue of Lenin sat outside - was quite telling.

After this we headed to a restaurant where we tried some traditional Russian fare. Meat wrapped in cabbage leaves, meatballs with fried egg on top and a squishy purple salad thing which was pleasant enough. Some chocolate paws came out - both dark and white - before my second present of the day - a full sized chocolate replica of a wolf's penis. Apparently it was done looking at pictures rather than using a mould. I will look forward to nibbling on that later.

After food we ventured to Arbatskaya, one of the main shopping districts and the place full of the aforementioned American fast food chains. It was while walking down this street that we were stopped by a Russian TV station and asked to make pirate sounds into the camera. We obliged. We also stopped off at a shop where a local fur works to get some wrapping paper for my cock.

There are seven huge Stalinist structures in Mosvow and the new university building is one. Completed in 1953, this huge structure is a very imposing sight, particularly in the dark (it gets fully black at about 5.45pm at present). With giant lit-up clocks adorning the turrets of this beast, it's hard to believe that this building functions as a place of study. There is a boulevard exactly 1000m long adorned with statues of famous luminaries which makes its way up to the university. At the other end, you have a breathtaking view over Moscow, with a ski jump to one side from which skiers jump into the cold waters of the Moskva River.

By this time we were getting cold and so retired to a Czech bar to have a Cut - pilsner and dark beer in the same glass. This is done so there is a dark layer over the pilsner and it makes the beer taste exceptionally sweet. We also had one of the greatest cheeseboards ever, with a range of cheeses including a strong one pickled in herbs and tomatoes, and a layered one with ham. There was another which resembled piquant cheese strings.

By the time we left the bar, it was heading tirades midnight and there were only six of us standing. Feeling tired we all headed our separate ways but Serie came back with us to ensure we found the place okay. He is such a sweetie. It was great meeting so many new friends and my birthday truly was special ^^

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