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Identifying National Identity
Apr. 22nd, 2012 12:40 amDespite my birth certificate and passport confirming my British identity, I have never actually felt British.
This is something I cannot really explain. Ever since I developed sentience of such things as a child, I never felt a connection or an empathy with this country. I still don't. I'm not saying this country is bad (although those of you who know me well will be aware of my many frustrations with the UK), it's just I don't feel at home or relaxed here. I guess this partly explains my love of foreign travel and perhaps my general outlook on life too.
Without wishing to make a crass or simplified comparison, I imagine psychologically it's similar to those feelings experienced in the transgender community when you feel you are of one gender but you have the genitals of the other. Despite being British, I have always felt spiritually German. I have no relatives from Germany aside from an aunt who married into the family so I have no idea where these feelings have come from. But it is how I feel, it's not something I can deny, which is perhaps why I am so pro-European. Germany fascinates me, intrigues me and inspires me in a way that Britain doesn't.
Part of the answer possibly lies in my childhood. I was born on Teesside, a part of the country much derided and frequently overlooked by everyone and everywhere else in Britian. My hometown has developed a strong identity in response to this and although there is still an element of patriotism there, its perhaps slightly different to how it would be anywhere else. Nearly thirty years of such conjecture does become wearying and this has partly been responsible for my feelings of detachment from the rest of the country.
Aside from that though, I honestly don't have an explanation. This is not an anti-British post and I don't have particular anti-British feelings yet it is not the place where my heart lies. I don't know why, it's just how it's always been.
This is something I cannot really explain. Ever since I developed sentience of such things as a child, I never felt a connection or an empathy with this country. I still don't. I'm not saying this country is bad (although those of you who know me well will be aware of my many frustrations with the UK), it's just I don't feel at home or relaxed here. I guess this partly explains my love of foreign travel and perhaps my general outlook on life too.
Without wishing to make a crass or simplified comparison, I imagine psychologically it's similar to those feelings experienced in the transgender community when you feel you are of one gender but you have the genitals of the other. Despite being British, I have always felt spiritually German. I have no relatives from Germany aside from an aunt who married into the family so I have no idea where these feelings have come from. But it is how I feel, it's not something I can deny, which is perhaps why I am so pro-European. Germany fascinates me, intrigues me and inspires me in a way that Britain doesn't.
Part of the answer possibly lies in my childhood. I was born on Teesside, a part of the country much derided and frequently overlooked by everyone and everywhere else in Britian. My hometown has developed a strong identity in response to this and although there is still an element of patriotism there, its perhaps slightly different to how it would be anywhere else. Nearly thirty years of such conjecture does become wearying and this has partly been responsible for my feelings of detachment from the rest of the country.
Aside from that though, I honestly don't have an explanation. This is not an anti-British post and I don't have particular anti-British feelings yet it is not the place where my heart lies. I don't know why, it's just how it's always been.
