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Priorities
Oct. 23rd, 2014 10:00 amThree weeks ago I wrote a lamentation about how little spare time I seem to have and how little I actually achieve, particularly in my personal life. It's a source of significant frustration that I don't get chance to realise half of my dreams - from learning to play the guitar to being a serious furry author - due to the lack of free time available. This in turn makes me quite angry and bitter - I'm quite an angry and bitter person generally - and this contributes to the negative feelings I have about myself.
I guess part of the situation concerns priorities. My job must come first and my health a close second, meaning I tend to work long hours and endeavour to go to the gym at least twice a week if not thrice. In this I'm successful but on a gym night, this generally means I don't have any free time until about 10:30pm, which after a long day at work and the gym, means I rarely can be bothered to do anything. At least I get to vegetate in front of the TV and watch programmes, films and series I have neglected to watch (seriously my film knowledge is abysmal, I must have only seen 10 of the top 100 classics). I hope do boost some of this this winter with our Anime Winter series, when I seriously get into a range of anime with my good friend Arcais. I've always wanted to watch more anime but have never really known where to start and a regular anime night would be a perfect way to see a range of series. It would also help me with my Japanese and help me become more comfortable in the fandom, from which I'm feeling very dissociated at present.
The gym is important due to the social drinking and restaurant meals I tend to have at weekends. Socialising is very important for my mental health plus I do like trying a range of different beers and cuisines in my home city, so the gym during the week is a necessary sacrifice.
I'm also learning Japanese on a Wednesday evening but as discovered last night, despite only being three weeks in, I'm already behind most of the class. Finding time to study is exceptionally difficult and, even though I'm trying to learn the Hiragana characters on the bus and at work, they're not sinking in as quickly as I would like. I'm finding it very hard to be honest and that's largely because I don't have the free time to commit to study. It may be better this week as I don't have two comedy gigs and hopefully not a late night at work (I finished at 9:45pm on Monday from a 10am start) but it is something else I'm struggling to commit to. Thus frustration.
The other issue is that Wolfie and I rarely have time together, least not on our own, and that also brings its frustrations. Perhaps we should socialise a little less to boost this aspect of our lives but then we enjoy socializing and things have significantly improved since the dark years of 2010 and 2011. I guess again it's all about priorities.
Getting up earlier will undoubtedly help but I do find this difficult. Furthermore, I could probably only realistically buy myself another half an hour as before this I would encounter rush hour, negating any time saving I would make with a longer commute time. Significantly, I regularly get urgent emails late in the day between 5-6pm so an early finish is far from guaranteed as I often find myself in the position of having to fire up the laptop and do more work as soon as I get home. Earlier starts therefore are unlikely to be of huge benefit, even if I could overcome my own lethargy (I've never been a morning person, ever).
I know that I have the key things in life sorted - job, partner, house and health (largely) - so perhaps I'm being churlish and over-demanding. And yet I'm still feeling unfulfilled as I know I could be so much more and I could achieve so many more things. My mother says that I'll have time for that later in life - that I've achieved a lot and cited my global travelling as one such positive example. Of course she's right, maybe I'm just expecting too much of myself. But then I've always been like that.
I guess part of the situation concerns priorities. My job must come first and my health a close second, meaning I tend to work long hours and endeavour to go to the gym at least twice a week if not thrice. In this I'm successful but on a gym night, this generally means I don't have any free time until about 10:30pm, which after a long day at work and the gym, means I rarely can be bothered to do anything. At least I get to vegetate in front of the TV and watch programmes, films and series I have neglected to watch (seriously my film knowledge is abysmal, I must have only seen 10 of the top 100 classics). I hope do boost some of this this winter with our Anime Winter series, when I seriously get into a range of anime with my good friend Arcais. I've always wanted to watch more anime but have never really known where to start and a regular anime night would be a perfect way to see a range of series. It would also help me with my Japanese and help me become more comfortable in the fandom, from which I'm feeling very dissociated at present.
The gym is important due to the social drinking and restaurant meals I tend to have at weekends. Socialising is very important for my mental health plus I do like trying a range of different beers and cuisines in my home city, so the gym during the week is a necessary sacrifice.
I'm also learning Japanese on a Wednesday evening but as discovered last night, despite only being three weeks in, I'm already behind most of the class. Finding time to study is exceptionally difficult and, even though I'm trying to learn the Hiragana characters on the bus and at work, they're not sinking in as quickly as I would like. I'm finding it very hard to be honest and that's largely because I don't have the free time to commit to study. It may be better this week as I don't have two comedy gigs and hopefully not a late night at work (I finished at 9:45pm on Monday from a 10am start) but it is something else I'm struggling to commit to. Thus frustration.
The other issue is that Wolfie and I rarely have time together, least not on our own, and that also brings its frustrations. Perhaps we should socialise a little less to boost this aspect of our lives but then we enjoy socializing and things have significantly improved since the dark years of 2010 and 2011. I guess again it's all about priorities.
Getting up earlier will undoubtedly help but I do find this difficult. Furthermore, I could probably only realistically buy myself another half an hour as before this I would encounter rush hour, negating any time saving I would make with a longer commute time. Significantly, I regularly get urgent emails late in the day between 5-6pm so an early finish is far from guaranteed as I often find myself in the position of having to fire up the laptop and do more work as soon as I get home. Earlier starts therefore are unlikely to be of huge benefit, even if I could overcome my own lethargy (I've never been a morning person, ever).
I know that I have the key things in life sorted - job, partner, house and health (largely) - so perhaps I'm being churlish and over-demanding. And yet I'm still feeling unfulfilled as I know I could be so much more and I could achieve so many more things. My mother says that I'll have time for that later in life - that I've achieved a lot and cited my global travelling as one such positive example. Of course she's right, maybe I'm just expecting too much of myself. But then I've always been like that.
