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Wolfie and I have just spent the last five days down at Birmingham for ConFuzzled, marking our first attendance at the event in five years. As last week wore on, I'll admit at being more excited than usual heading into a convention, largely on account of the parties and the people I had arranged to attend and see. The very danger with such optimism is that the event itself can feel somewhat anti-climatic and indeed on occasions, this is how I felt. However, like with most cons, the experience was something of a rollercoaster, with periods of incredible highs and exhausting crashes on account of the sheer intensity of everything. This was certainly the case for me on Sunday morning after a hugely busy day on the Saturday, where many of my events and parties had been crammed. Consequently, I couldn't go to all of them and wondered whether I had made the right choices, despite having a fantastic time at the events I did attend. This resulted in full scale nightmare terror shit which left me somewhat debilitated for the rest of Sunday. However, with the help of friends, I did manage to dig my way out of it, which really helped.
The EU election results on Sunday evening were perhaps playing on my mind, but in the end these turned out to be better than expected. Avon was feeling somewhat down about the polls but I managed to cheer him up during the early hours of Monday morning, and it was the same with a few other people throughout the con too. Feeling somewhat overwhelmed at a con is natural - it's a full sensory experience and fifteen hours plus a day of socialising can be very draining mentally - so it gave me a real boost to be able to help some of my closest friends out of their own unhappy spells. It was also great seeing many friends who I hadn't seen for years, with our friendships picking up pretty much where they had left off. Shep and Elfasi with Biddenden's Crisps, Draken with his multitude of crafting projects and Skapup with our full range of mutual interests were all great company and people with whom I would like to spend more time in future. It was also great finally catching up with Blaze, a fellow traveller from Seattle with whom I had wanted to meet for so long. Socialising was indeed the main feature of the con for me, with me preferring private parties and drinks in the bar over the con scheduling. Indeed, aside from the Karaoke one evening, Motorfurs (where Wolfie showed off his RX7) and the Rock/Metal dance (which I only managed to hear twenty minutes of due to it being on my busy Saturday), I didn't attend any of the events at all. Part of this was due to time, which flew with such fantastic company, and indeed it was common for me to stay up until 3-5am every night of the con. However, I must admit there were a few people from whom I got a rather cold or disinterested response, people with whom I had been close at one point but we have since drifted apart. I guess that's normal and perhaps I'm looking too much into things, but it was the impression I got anyway. And typically, in the days after the event, on Twitter I was reminded of the many friends I have who I didn't get to see at all. This is very typical sadly.
My reservations about the hotel unfortunately proved to be true, with the service at the bar being worse than it was five years ago. Indeed, they messed my food order up on two successive evenings and I had to wait nearly an hour and a half for my dinner both times, which was pretty poor form. The hotel itself also looks quite tired and while the bar queues were better than they had been in 2014, it was still common for me to wait over twenty minutes for my beer. The bar staff were apologetic (I loved the sardonic beardy man) and it was clear they were being let down by their payment systems, but it was still rather frustrating on occasion. Still, at least the beer prices were reasonable this year and the street food options were a good addition, even if I didn't go until the very final day of the con (lovely jacket potato though). The pizza plus ice cream and drink deal was also a winner so there was improvement there, although two of the main lifts being out of action was also something of an inconvenience. Still, there was a lot of convention space, which provided for a wide range of events and panels and as we were staying in the overflow hotel, we didn't have to worry too much about the failings of the main hotel. This proved to be reasonable enough as it was only a five-minute walk from the main convention hotel, but at night through the forest by the lake was somewhat scary. Still, on two occasions I didn't go to bed until after dawn, so I guess there was little to worry about there.
Being in the overflow hotel meant we had to plan things a little better, and I was kindly aided by Raymond and Douveux who let me use their room as a base. This was particularly useful for some of the parties we ran, but it wasn't until Monday that I realised it could also work for fursuiting. As a consequence, I didn't bring my fursuit over to the main hotel until then, by which time I didn't really get the opportunity to wear it. This is a shame as I do like playing puppy and I imagine many people would recognize me through it, but I was so busy elsewhere with other things, I just didn't get chance. These days I find the hassle of fursuiting outweighs the exhilaration, which means I am doing it less and less. Perhaps I am falling out of love with it, but with so many other cool things going on, I don't feel I missed out. Fursuiting outwith the main hotel though is an issue - with concerns over where you would leave your wallet/phone and where you would shower afterwards far outweighing the positives.
While this report so far may seem a little downbeat, the experience was anything but. ConFuzzled was a microcosm of everything that is great about the furry fandom - the acceptance, the madness, the escapism and the positivity. Yes it was overwhelming at times, but it was great to be in an environment where you could just be yourself and this had a positive effect on me. It was affirming seeing transsexual friends of mine being able to truly express their identity, along with others on the LGBT spectrum with no fear of judgement. It was great to be a part of a supportive community and an electric atmosphere of people having fun. It was unpredictable and insane, but then this is what the furry fandom is. The positive vibe was on show in a number of private room parties too, where I shared more intimate experiences with close friends, and this also made me feel so privileged to be a part of this community. The fact I was invited to things and people wanted me there - whether it be femboy parties or seeing the Pokemon Detective Pikachu movie (which was excellent by the way and I'm not hugely absorbed into the franchise) - really boosted my self-belief, particularly after it had hit the floor on Sunday morning (and indeed over the last two months, which have been really tough mentally).
I feel blessed to have so many good friends who encouraged me to be myself too - to give me the confidence to embrace my transvestism and feminine side. Arcais and Gothicat have both been instrumental in supporting me on this journey, with the latter even going as far as to do my make-up on Monday evening. Stepping out in female clothing and getting so many positive comments from friends and strangers was very humbling and it gave me such a sense of empowerment. Even Stray calling me Jill Lindermann was amusing. Indeed, I now feel able to express my true self and am far more comfortable in female attire, although I have started to ask deep questions about my identity, which is making me feel a little pensive.
Ultimately then, it was an electric weekend, one full of many happy memories and true friends, both old and new. Granted, I did my usual thing of trying to win people over by making them laugh, perhaps trying too hard, but I felt a great connection with so many people and I hope they did too. Thanks go to every single fur with whom I spent time and aside from the aforementioned people, particularly Stray, Ferret, Ninji, Shiro, Oracle, Windsor and Blacksnip for their fantasitc company. We really do hope to be back next year.
The EU election results on Sunday evening were perhaps playing on my mind, but in the end these turned out to be better than expected. Avon was feeling somewhat down about the polls but I managed to cheer him up during the early hours of Monday morning, and it was the same with a few other people throughout the con too. Feeling somewhat overwhelmed at a con is natural - it's a full sensory experience and fifteen hours plus a day of socialising can be very draining mentally - so it gave me a real boost to be able to help some of my closest friends out of their own unhappy spells. It was also great seeing many friends who I hadn't seen for years, with our friendships picking up pretty much where they had left off. Shep and Elfasi with Biddenden's Crisps, Draken with his multitude of crafting projects and Skapup with our full range of mutual interests were all great company and people with whom I would like to spend more time in future. It was also great finally catching up with Blaze, a fellow traveller from Seattle with whom I had wanted to meet for so long. Socialising was indeed the main feature of the con for me, with me preferring private parties and drinks in the bar over the con scheduling. Indeed, aside from the Karaoke one evening, Motorfurs (where Wolfie showed off his RX7) and the Rock/Metal dance (which I only managed to hear twenty minutes of due to it being on my busy Saturday), I didn't attend any of the events at all. Part of this was due to time, which flew with such fantastic company, and indeed it was common for me to stay up until 3-5am every night of the con. However, I must admit there were a few people from whom I got a rather cold or disinterested response, people with whom I had been close at one point but we have since drifted apart. I guess that's normal and perhaps I'm looking too much into things, but it was the impression I got anyway. And typically, in the days after the event, on Twitter I was reminded of the many friends I have who I didn't get to see at all. This is very typical sadly.
My reservations about the hotel unfortunately proved to be true, with the service at the bar being worse than it was five years ago. Indeed, they messed my food order up on two successive evenings and I had to wait nearly an hour and a half for my dinner both times, which was pretty poor form. The hotel itself also looks quite tired and while the bar queues were better than they had been in 2014, it was still common for me to wait over twenty minutes for my beer. The bar staff were apologetic (I loved the sardonic beardy man) and it was clear they were being let down by their payment systems, but it was still rather frustrating on occasion. Still, at least the beer prices were reasonable this year and the street food options were a good addition, even if I didn't go until the very final day of the con (lovely jacket potato though). The pizza plus ice cream and drink deal was also a winner so there was improvement there, although two of the main lifts being out of action was also something of an inconvenience. Still, there was a lot of convention space, which provided for a wide range of events and panels and as we were staying in the overflow hotel, we didn't have to worry too much about the failings of the main hotel. This proved to be reasonable enough as it was only a five-minute walk from the main convention hotel, but at night through the forest by the lake was somewhat scary. Still, on two occasions I didn't go to bed until after dawn, so I guess there was little to worry about there.
Being in the overflow hotel meant we had to plan things a little better, and I was kindly aided by Raymond and Douveux who let me use their room as a base. This was particularly useful for some of the parties we ran, but it wasn't until Monday that I realised it could also work for fursuiting. As a consequence, I didn't bring my fursuit over to the main hotel until then, by which time I didn't really get the opportunity to wear it. This is a shame as I do like playing puppy and I imagine many people would recognize me through it, but I was so busy elsewhere with other things, I just didn't get chance. These days I find the hassle of fursuiting outweighs the exhilaration, which means I am doing it less and less. Perhaps I am falling out of love with it, but with so many other cool things going on, I don't feel I missed out. Fursuiting outwith the main hotel though is an issue - with concerns over where you would leave your wallet/phone and where you would shower afterwards far outweighing the positives.
While this report so far may seem a little downbeat, the experience was anything but. ConFuzzled was a microcosm of everything that is great about the furry fandom - the acceptance, the madness, the escapism and the positivity. Yes it was overwhelming at times, but it was great to be in an environment where you could just be yourself and this had a positive effect on me. It was affirming seeing transsexual friends of mine being able to truly express their identity, along with others on the LGBT spectrum with no fear of judgement. It was great to be a part of a supportive community and an electric atmosphere of people having fun. It was unpredictable and insane, but then this is what the furry fandom is. The positive vibe was on show in a number of private room parties too, where I shared more intimate experiences with close friends, and this also made me feel so privileged to be a part of this community. The fact I was invited to things and people wanted me there - whether it be femboy parties or seeing the Pokemon Detective Pikachu movie (which was excellent by the way and I'm not hugely absorbed into the franchise) - really boosted my self-belief, particularly after it had hit the floor on Sunday morning (and indeed over the last two months, which have been really tough mentally).
I feel blessed to have so many good friends who encouraged me to be myself too - to give me the confidence to embrace my transvestism and feminine side. Arcais and Gothicat have both been instrumental in supporting me on this journey, with the latter even going as far as to do my make-up on Monday evening. Stepping out in female clothing and getting so many positive comments from friends and strangers was very humbling and it gave me such a sense of empowerment. Even Stray calling me Jill Lindermann was amusing. Indeed, I now feel able to express my true self and am far more comfortable in female attire, although I have started to ask deep questions about my identity, which is making me feel a little pensive.
Ultimately then, it was an electric weekend, one full of many happy memories and true friends, both old and new. Granted, I did my usual thing of trying to win people over by making them laugh, perhaps trying too hard, but I felt a great connection with so many people and I hope they did too. Thanks go to every single fur with whom I spent time and aside from the aforementioned people, particularly Stray, Ferret, Ninji, Shiro, Oracle, Windsor and Blacksnip for their fantasitc company. We really do hope to be back next year.
