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Reflections On The Wall
Apr. 9th, 2023 01:37 amIt's been another tedious week and another tedious weekend, but at least this is the last blank weekend until mid-June. Indeed, with the potential of visiting London Pride and then Dublin during the first two weeks of July, it's looking like I won't have many free weekends until the end of the summer. While part of me thinks it's best to enjoy this quiet period, part of me is also champing at the bit to go and do stuff. Seeing people travelling has really triggered the envy and night after night on VR really doesn't cut it for me. Last night was better than most in this regard, but I really want to be doing things again. I do feel a little down that we are not doing any of the Easter Fetish events, but then cruising and EDM really isn't my scene, while even the Medieval Festival at Zitadelle I am struggling to muster much enthusiasm over. Consequently. I have just been watching old episodes of Challenge Anneka, revelling in how Leeds looked in 1992 and how if you didn't have a paper map, you were pretty stuffed when travelling around a new place. My nostalgic look at the Nineties was of course triggered by the recent relaunch of the series, which featured an episode on Teesside. Indeed, the charity they were helping have their registered business address only two doors down from where I used to live in 1992. Incredible.
Work is likely to step up soon too. I moved to a new role on Monday, but they have not replaced my old jobs, so I am effectively getting the same pay for much more work. I am hoping this will change in due course. My company is going well while there are a few other opportunities too, although these are taking longer than I expected to come to fruition. Still, it does allow me to focus on other things without being overwhelmed so it could be a blessing in disguise. Frustratingly, I am working on Friday and Monday as normal - no Easter for me - but with Wolfie having to study for a forthcoming professional certification, hanging around makes sense. He also needs to build his war chest too, so again, saving money makes sense.
The only thing of interest we have done this week was go out on Thursday night to celebrate our 16th anniversary. I was three minutes late, which made Wolfie feel antsy, something I did not realise was a thing. That put a dampener on the start of the evening, but Grindhouse Burger, where we had arranged to meet, was a good quality meal albeit a mite spendy. The burger wasn't bad but it was the truffle fries where they excelled. They have spent much of the last six months advertising to me on Facebook, which is why I thought I'd give it a go. Wolfie went after work and we decided to hit a few bars in Prenzlauer Berg afterwards. Sadly, our first choice, Manifest was busy while we also had to perch near the bar at Belgian place Hermann too. It was the Thursday before Easter so I guess it was no surprise it was rammed. We did end up in a food hall place, where a Mexican concession was serving beer from Gorilla Cervezeria. We happened upon this place as we were walking to Brewdog and one of the serving ladies overheard us talking. She was right they did have craft beer and it was good. We then ended up in Brewdog, which closed early, so we could only stay for one rather expensive drink. We therefore ended up in The Castle, the only place open past midnight on Thursday, where we had a nice drink, which Wolfie ended up spilling half on the floor.
Wolfie's job seems to be going well, but we are still having the same social issues in Germany. I think part of the problem is no-one approaches anyone. Furthermore, after speaking to Gordon last night in VR, I realised my self-esteem is lower than I thought. When he stayed over in October, he flirted with me a lot and I did not read the signs, largely because I cannot conceive why anyone would be sexually attracted to me (despite evidence to the contrary). This has also manifested itself in my feeling that people would rather not be around me, which again isn't borne by evidence. It is a really cripping anxiety which is getting worse, but at least Wolfie and I are having a stronger time of things right now. There are also loads of exciting things planned, but it's clear the German move, which I thought would be the panacea to my problems, has just meant I have run away from them. I have to get the ADHD diagnosis sorted but again the procedure is daunting and I don't have time. Despite this, I cannot go on like this either, as it's getting increasingly tiring the older I get. Furthermore, I think the worry has exacerbated my recent illnesses, which seem to have come back in the form of headaches and lethargy today. It really does need sorting.
Work is likely to step up soon too. I moved to a new role on Monday, but they have not replaced my old jobs, so I am effectively getting the same pay for much more work. I am hoping this will change in due course. My company is going well while there are a few other opportunities too, although these are taking longer than I expected to come to fruition. Still, it does allow me to focus on other things without being overwhelmed so it could be a blessing in disguise. Frustratingly, I am working on Friday and Monday as normal - no Easter for me - but with Wolfie having to study for a forthcoming professional certification, hanging around makes sense. He also needs to build his war chest too, so again, saving money makes sense.
The only thing of interest we have done this week was go out on Thursday night to celebrate our 16th anniversary. I was three minutes late, which made Wolfie feel antsy, something I did not realise was a thing. That put a dampener on the start of the evening, but Grindhouse Burger, where we had arranged to meet, was a good quality meal albeit a mite spendy. The burger wasn't bad but it was the truffle fries where they excelled. They have spent much of the last six months advertising to me on Facebook, which is why I thought I'd give it a go. Wolfie went after work and we decided to hit a few bars in Prenzlauer Berg afterwards. Sadly, our first choice, Manifest was busy while we also had to perch near the bar at Belgian place Hermann too. It was the Thursday before Easter so I guess it was no surprise it was rammed. We did end up in a food hall place, where a Mexican concession was serving beer from Gorilla Cervezeria. We happened upon this place as we were walking to Brewdog and one of the serving ladies overheard us talking. She was right they did have craft beer and it was good. We then ended up in Brewdog, which closed early, so we could only stay for one rather expensive drink. We therefore ended up in The Castle, the only place open past midnight on Thursday, where we had a nice drink, which Wolfie ended up spilling half on the floor.
Wolfie's job seems to be going well, but we are still having the same social issues in Germany. I think part of the problem is no-one approaches anyone. Furthermore, after speaking to Gordon last night in VR, I realised my self-esteem is lower than I thought. When he stayed over in October, he flirted with me a lot and I did not read the signs, largely because I cannot conceive why anyone would be sexually attracted to me (despite evidence to the contrary). This has also manifested itself in my feeling that people would rather not be around me, which again isn't borne by evidence. It is a really cripping anxiety which is getting worse, but at least Wolfie and I are having a stronger time of things right now. There are also loads of exciting things planned, but it's clear the German move, which I thought would be the panacea to my problems, has just meant I have run away from them. I have to get the ADHD diagnosis sorted but again the procedure is daunting and I don't have time. Despite this, I cannot go on like this either, as it's getting increasingly tiring the older I get. Furthermore, I think the worry has exacerbated my recent illnesses, which seem to have come back in the form of headaches and lethargy today. It really does need sorting.
