Tycho Brahe

I always have mixed feelings being back in the UK, but this time things seem to be more extreme. With things quite mixed over in Germany, there is definitely a lure of wanting to come back, but the issues here are still those which forced me to move and so I am unsure what that will accomplish. Visiting family and friends this week, as I have done, have also highlighted many of the positives that are here for me as while friendships are developing in Berlin, we are not quite slotting in as comfortably as we can over here.

Yesterday was the Leeds Meet day, our first since November, with the weather being quite in contrast to back then. It was a gloriously sunny day, which is more than can be said for my mood, as I had to endure a cramped train down from Yarm, where I was visiting my father. Most people got off at Thirsk for the races, but there was no room to move at all, with us all being buttressed against each other. At least the train turned up though, on the way north on Monday, my train only got as far as York, where it terminated. This necessitated me having to go to Northallerton to meet my father, as well as having to hang around York station for a while. Here I noticed that they have turned the ticket office into a Sainsbury's (where I bought a scotch egg) plus I fortuituously bumped into my business partner Dean, who had just come back from a trip to the United States.

I was very tempted to head home as soon as I arrived at the meet, after having given Wolfie the steak bake that it took me ages to purchase. This was largely because of a curmudgeon wanting to see the manager to complain about the unhealthy nature of the food while he munched down on a sausage roll. The lady said they only showed coffee in their adverts and she didn't know what she was talking about, so he asked for a complaint form for head office. The speed of service in Britain does seem noticeably slower these days, while the prices are much higher. This is most evident in the supermarkets but paying around £7 a pint in Foley's meant that beer prices were comparable to those in Germany. This made me feel a little better about that.

Wolfie has been feeling down about his car this weekend, with Friday seeing him particularly morose. It overshadowed my final evening with my father, such was my concern, while I am constantly reminded that he gave up much more to be in Germany than I did. This is his major hobby and he made the point that the current situation was like if I was only allowed to do writing for two weeks a year around my day job, which cut rather deep. It was this that overshadowed the start of the meet but he pursuaded me to stay, largely because Arcais wanted to speak with me. This was the right call as I soon got into the flow of things, chatting with Shinaku at the bar, Urban around the table and Adia in her delightful Moomin dress when she arrived. Taneli turned up in a sailor's outfit later on too, but I was due on the walk by then.

We had heard there had been a few issues on the walk of late, so I wanted to experience things first-hand, meaning I donned the sporty Leeds Furs hi-vis vest that isn't very hi-vis The velcro was gone, forcing it to pop open like some obese whore, which wasn't aided by the left-hand side being weighed down by the heavy walkie-talkie that kept deafening me. Still, the walk went off without a hitch, with us ending up on Park Row, unfortunately taking a photography in front of a sign dedicated to the 23 million people who have died in conflict since 1945. We moved in front of that sign eventually. With it being ConFuzzled next week, the attendance was a little low, but the walk was marshalled well and it went without a hitch. Wolfie did lead though and I am not sure how wise that was as we really need to identify issues.

I had to leave the walk early under threat of Tyhco Brahe-ing myself, a joke that I think only Procyon got, but this meant I managed to get drinks earlier. I spoke to Gamepopper around this time too, before the meet started to wind down. One of the bar staff wasn't particularly friendly about some of the things that had been left behind, and was very upset when some furs put their heads on a table that was reserved for a bunch of hooray henry's in bow ties and tuxedos who became increasingly and obnoxiously loud as the evening went on. We bade our leave and headed for Belgrave, only to discover it was so busy that it wouldn't work for a meet venue anyway. We then headed to Pizza Fella for some food.

Tonks spent a lot of time outside the pizza place rearranging tables only for the staff to tell him to put them all back again. We grabbed two tables and soon we were eating dinner and enjoying a Manchester-based cola that I think was called Sludge. I also twisted my foot en route to the bar and Wolfie was starting to play up, grabbing my upper arm and creating a very angry-looking bruise. After our meal, we ended up in Brew York, where Wolfie didn't drink anything and I sampled the range of excellent beers they had that I hadn't tried. It's good to see them making this unit a success, having been there for two years, and it was quite busy too. I spent a lot of time here talking to Baz and Tonks's new flatmate, but everyone soon filtered off, leaving just Wolfie and I left. We headed to Brewdog, who rang their final orders bell very early, and we headed off in a taxi shortly afterwards.

Wolfie and I had a little falling out at Brewdog, but this morning we managed to clear things up quickly. It was another stunning day and we headed out to get some shopping, the lack of food being in the house being the main issue last night. We grabbed a sandwich and a vegan sausage roll from Greggs and walked around the park, delighted that it has been done up quite well. There's a new playground and topiary dedicated to Pudsey Bear, as well as an ice cream stationed in the middle. The bandstand has been given a new lick of paint too and it was quite a pleasant place to be. Sainsbury's, where we went after, was less pleasant.

We have spent the day doing odd jobs around the house. We have installed a new camera in the kitchen to monitor potential leaks, which will help put my mind at ease, while we have cleaned the guttering to prevent leaks outside. Wolfie did some painting of the window frames in the garage while I pruned the trees and washed the plastic window frames as they were dirty. I also washed the plastic box which stores our meters. I have also enjoyed reading in the sun, although Ian Dunt's How Westminster Works and Why It Doesn't is not necessarily the most relaxing reading. I also walked around the town during Pony Chat until the point when my phone ran out of charge. That was sadly only twenty-five minutes in, which was annoying as this was my first opportunity to speak with the ponies since Easter. Later, Wolfie and I also went down to Pudsey Carnival, where they had quite a wide range of rides, although sadly most of them were already closing up. We missed the Parade yesterday as, as usual, it clashed with the May Leeds Meet.

With ConFuzzled coming up, I am accutely aware how fat I have become. I had lost a lot of weight in March, but socialising and travelling from mid-April onwards has definitely taken its toll. The food when visiting my family wasn't too bad but I did have a disappointing parmo at The Ship in Worsall on Tuesday, the chicken being quite rubbery in the middle. Most of the meals were home-cooked - my father always did me a boiled egg for breakfast and a soup with cheeseboard for lunch - but every night we drank and thus I am on a two-week alcohol binge. This isn't what you need ahead of a furry con. At the meet yesterday, I must have drank seven, the same as at Eurovision the week before. It doesn't help that in our house we still have loads of expired beer that we really need to drink.

I had tried working half of the time I was there and taking Thursday and Friday off, although work did need me to come in briefly on the latter day. This seemed to work, giving me more time to spend with my father in the evenings. On Tuesday, my mother took me to Worsall with my father, with it just being the three of us for the first time since perhaps the divorce. It was a little surreal and I was talked over a bit, but it was a pleasant evening. I also went around to my mother's on Thursday, where I met my sister, who had gone over earlier on account of having a hair appointment. Here I needed to sign to become executor of my mother's will, which was a little morbid, but it did mean I get to meet one of her farmer neighbours, who was pleasant enough but hinted at a few racially insensitive things. My mother put on a great meal of gammon, beans and avocado, new potatoes and a mixed leaf salad. For dessert, there was American cheesecake and double cream. The conversation was good, although I was struck by just how much more cultured my sister (and indeed brother) are. They talk about high art films, books and plays, while all I do is read furry pornography. On the way back from my mother's to my father's place, my sister inadvertently ran over a badger. There was little she could do, with it darting out right in front of her, but she was distraught for the rest of the evening, panicking about whether she should check up on it or tell the police.

Staying for five days meant I could get to know my father's dog Edward better, and our bond definitely grew stronger. He was allowed into my room to wake me up at 9:30am each day and on the final two days, it was very much a running jump to greet me. We also took him on a few long walks, one in a newly-planted wood near an industrial plant at Long Newton. This was on Friday, the rainiest day of my stay, and the ground was a bit sloppy, making walking on shoes with little soles quite challenging. I do need to buy new shoes but they don't do my favourite ones in my size any more. I have picked up new jeans though, as well as a new Fitbit as the battery on my old one kept conking out at inopportune times. I have also had to charge it up overnight, every night, for the last two weeks.

I always have mixed feelings staying with my parents. Often I feel guilty for not spending enough time with them, with my mother insisting I come back more often. This is difficult when living in Germany, but these five-day stays are much longer than what I used to do. Staying in my childhood bedroom and seeing how little has changed in the last thirty years is a real hit of nostalgia. I spent some time looking through my drawers and found my old university Material Sciences booklet from first year. Flicking through it, I realised just how little I have remembered, with the mathematical equations looking like they are from a different planet. At least I got reacquainted with Avogadro's number, but it does highlight how little I am using my intellect these days. I do feel I could learn all of this stuff again pretty easily, but I was definitely far more intuitive and switched on twenty years ago. As I say though, little has changed up there and I have moved on, but then the same can be said about how I feel about Leeds. This is probably why I feel so dislocated and caught between the UK and Germany - I can see pros and cons to both. Right now, there's no point changing things, but I am certainly more worried than I have been and less happy than I expected I'd be. I know some of that is circumstantial, particularly related to work, so there's no point making a decision right now. I guess, as I have said numerous times already, we'll see what transpires.