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[personal profile] lupestripe
Wolfie and I have just come back from two glorious, if rather expensive, days in Norway. It is oft discussed the prices in Norway but at £7 a pint, £10 for a Burger King meal and £26 for a standard burger and chips at the airport, this incredulity is often well-founded. High wages mean high prices but you wonder whether it's worth it. Still, I guess it makes prices abroad cheaper. The best thing we discovered was Wiener Pølse from Narvesen for 16Kr, approximately £1.70. Indeed, going to Europe makes you wish that newsagents in the UK would sell hot dogs in store, whilst I also wish we could eat in shops too without facing the wrath of the shopkeep. I drank a lot of Sjoko Mjelk - a chocolate milkshake drink with a picture of a dog on the front. I also like the fact the notes and coins used both spellings of Norway (Norge and Noreg) due to the two different versions of Norwegian. I can be such an arse when it comes to language.

I flew in from Newcastle, set to meet Wolfie who had flown in from Dortmund on another adventure he may tell you about. I met a couple of Newcastle furs in Newcastle and we were paid £1 to sample some Sour Cream & Onion Pringles by some people with clipboards in the street. We were guided into a Weight Watchers building (with no sense of irony) and were asked our opinion on the three crisps put afore us, particularly on their coating and their crunchiness. We then got paid £1. After this, we settled in The Northumberland Arms pub for some good Tyskie beer and some less good food - the mash was lumpy and akin to something you grout walls with although the sausages were nice. We were ogled by two old men yearning for their youth and we chatted about things. Draken, Rabid, Kit and Marston were there, all good people. While we were waiting for them, we did a grand tour of two Boots the Chemists (they have these in Norway too), bought a nail file and stared at a lady's bum bum when she was sat down, giving her builder's (pert) arse.

The train to t'airport was shorter than expected so I had some time to kill, which I did speaking to family. Boarded the Ryanair flight, the usual cattle class, but to be fair the airline got me to my destination 45 minutes early both there and coming back. I like the little fanfare about how punctual they are which adorns the plane when we land. I spent the journey reading Private Eye and contemplating how an airplane is a lot like a toilet tube smothered in a sanitary towel.

I didn't get to Oslo until late on and Wolfie's phone had run out so I had to navigate the city in a tired haze, walking from the Bus Station to the Train Station back to the Bus Station and back to the Hotel. I eventually bought a map for 89Kr - over £9. The hotel was a swanky place, couldn't believe it when I saw it, which is why I spent a lot of time going back and forth in front of it before deducing that this must be our hotel. I then had the task of explaining to the staff who I was - with no booking reference, no credit card as it was booked by Wolfie and no Wolfie to vouch for who I am. The staff eventually knocked on the door, Wolfie came down sans hair and we went for a nice stroll, relaxed in the vibe of another European capital. And I must say it was quite relaxed as we walked past the Parliament building, which was directly opposite our hotel and guarded only by a flimsy metal chain. Got to love the relaxed nature of the Scandinavian people. I grabbed a Weiner Pølse and some Sjoko Mkelk and we chatted about things whilst being propositioned by drunk girls and prostitutes. There were also a fair few homeless too.

Back in the hotel, we trawled the delights of Norwegian TV and discovered that they get Embarrassing Bodies (some guy had piles that made his arse look like a swollen pommegranite) and Hollyoaks. I dread to think what perception they now have of us British. Embarrassing Bodies was set in Hull whilst the thump-thump music of a local nightclub detracted from the quality of the hotel - still, we got to sleep reasonably quickly and the shower was a pantheon of greatness.

Thursday was furry day and we met our friend Dax Cyro outside our hotel. He is to Norway what Ralesk is to Hungary and he was to be a rather fantastic guide, albeit one who made us walk in the torrential downpour for most of the day. Our first port of call was the Royal Palace, a beautiful building standing atop the hill which overlooks the main road into the city. We saw some guards not unlike the beefeaters before we headed off to a local off licence - like in most Scandinavian countries, hard liquor and wine can only be sold at Government controlled and licenced stores. They fix the price and Christ, what a price. A bottle of Bombay Sapphire for over £50 paints a picture. We went here to get out of the rain but it was interesting to compare and contrast alcohol prices. We discovered that most beer is £7 a pint but that Norwegian beer isn't the best. Ringnes, the main tipple is largely tasteless gas (and so bad it could be worse than Carling - it's owned by Carlsberg apparently), whilst Hansa, the second favourite, is not much better. I personally like the taste of Aass - the better of the three beers I have tasted so far.

The
Vigelandsparken was our main destination for the morning's activities and as we got wetter, my clothes got smellier. Still, spirits were almost as high as the prices and we enjoyed our trip around the suburbs. The Vigelandsparken is a Sculpture Park on the outskirts of Oslo and features 212 bronze and granite sculptures created by Gustav Vigeland. A lot of these are homoerotic in nature, with more genitals on show than your average furry house party. There is also a monolith at the centre of the park which is made out of sculptures of 121 human forms whilst the fountain and tiled labrynth before it create an impressive foreground. It is quite impressive to see but the most famous part of the park is the bridge with 58 of the 212 sculptures upon it, including the angry baby - Sinnataggen - who is having a tantrum by the river.

We made our way back to the hotel to dry off and have a chat, before I burned my bottom on the towel rail which Wolfie had left on overnight. It was scorching. After this, we made our way gingerly towards the Parliament building to meet up with the crazy metal wolf that is Ziggy Wolf. He came down from the town of Drammen to see us and we were very glad he came too. He wanted to come with us to the Viking Museum (Vikingskipshuset) on Bygdøy, the peninsula just west of Oslo. We needed to get the number 30 bus to get here and we waited for one at the tram stop, before Wolfie pointed out the Norwegian notice to our guides that the bus stop had moved 100 metres away due to construction work.

The Vikingskipshuset was one of the highlights of the trip as it charted the history of the Vikings from the eighth to the tenth centuries. The historical explanations were perhaps a little lacking but the artificats were stunning, including the two fully restored Viking longboats which had been found almost completely preserved in mounds around Oslo (from Tune, Gokstad (Sandefjord), Oseberg (Tønsberg) and the Borre mound cemetery). There was also a third which was less well preserved. These were used as burial chambers for royalty or warriors and there was a vast array of artefacts with which they were buried. Some of these were on display, including three beautifully ornated sleds, beds, bridles, cooking pots and a variety of other miscellany including combs and other functional items. They were also buried with horses and dogs, I wish not alive but fear they probably were. Graverobbers had robbed the graves of true treasure (the Vikings would have been proud) but there was still a trove of fascinating artefacts. The Chinese seemed to think so, as there was a massive party of them which looked extremely official. We also got to view the ships from above too and we saw the remains of some of the Vikings they had dug up. The story of mitochondrial DNA and carbon dating to find out clues to their existences was fascinating.

The Norsk Folkemuseum was our next port of call, with tired feet and a sense of soggy satisfaction. This was one of those open-air living history sort of places and we wandered around the villages set up to demonstrate Norwegian architecture throughout the ages. There were also ladies dressed up in period costume who told us all about pottery making, bread making and there were some people doing some traditional folk dancing in a fire-warmed wooden room too. It was all quite exciting and fascinating, particularly eating the thick bread with lots of traditional creamy butter on it. It was boiling hot and we spread the butter with a wooden knife. I really dig those kind of things. The Gol Stave Church, the traditional giant wooden edifice, was the highlight of the trip though, it was an impressive sight. I have wanted to see one ever since I learned about Norway so it was great being in its imposing presence, made even more imposing by the lashing rain and dark clouds. These turned the ornately carved wood an angry shade of brown, which added a black metal mystik to proceedings. Another highlight was the musem dedicated to Sami culture, which detailed the forced Norwegianization of the people in the 18th and 19th centuries to the accepting of Sami that exists today. It also detailed their way of life and their hopes and aspirations for the future. I was surprised to learn that more Sami live in Oslo than they do in Samiland, in the north of Norway, Sweden, Finland and Russia. It was also great to learn of another group of people who speak a Finno-Ugric rather than an Indo-European language.

A traditional Norwegian restaurant was next on the agenda so we found ourselves at the Stortorvets gjestegiver, opposite the impressive cathedral which is certainly imposing but tremendously difficult to take a picture of. We knew this would be expensive, this was Norway, but sometimes you have to pay a lot of money for the experience and this we did. Aside from the gassy Ringnes, it was a fantastic meal although I do regret not having the Norwegian cheeseboard, with the Brown Cheese that the country is so famed. We had a delicate reindeer and horse radish starter, which was full of flavour. It was a dark meat, almost as rich as a sweetmeat in flavour. For main, we both tried the moose stew, which was deliciously tender and dark.

A trip to Grønland was next as this is where the main fur shop is in Oslo. We were also told about the abomination Winnie the Pooh character, who performed on the main streets in the hope of getting change by scaring small children. The costume was manky by all accounts. There were a lot of those freaky living statues too, made even more freaky by the fact they wore gargoyle masks with long noses that made themselves look like Postman Pat after a face transplant. We also saw a man-sized Super Moose plush, a blue moose dressed like Superman. He was very happy. Outside the main railway station - a non-descript place compared to some I have been to - we also saw a tiger statue, the symbol of the city. He had a very shiny tail and he was anatomically correct. There was also a bright Blackpool tower type thing outside the station I didn't understand.

Anyway, we were all off to see Mittens the Kitten who sadly had no Kittens of her own I could call Mittens' Kittens. We brought beer and S
ørlands crisps (yummy) and headed up to her apartment, where we had an impromptu fur party. There were many furs there - myself, Dax, Wolfie, Regandor, Gray Fang, Wolftale, ZiggyWolf, Thrashwolf, Miles, Mittens, Leon and Darkferal. It was great meeting everyone and I felt so relaxed in their company. I think I made people laugh with my poor jokes and banter concerning the UK fandom. I spent a lot of time talking to Mittens, particularly as we have similar interests. We even had a few quiet drinks in the rock bar in which she works towards the end of the night as she had to go and do a shift in the middle of the party. The music was excellent, the beer less so, but it was a great night nonetheless and many new friends were made. We said our goodbyes around 2am as we had to be up the next day for more sightseeing, to check out and to get our flight back home.

In the morning, we went to Akerbrygge, the main harbour in Oslo, which is now a trendy eating spot not dissimilar to the residential areas on the banks of the Thames. We grabbed a cookie and some more Wiener Pølse - this time with bacon wrapped around it and stuffed with cheese - from Deli de Luca and Narvesen respectively and soaked up the vibe. Sadly, we didn't get chance to go on the fjord tour due to a lack of time but there was a massive ship we saw, which we marvelled at, whilst some of the statues we saw were wonderous in their mathematical perfection. The spitting horse was particularly divine, as were the waterfalls - I have pictures of them. After this, we went to Akershus Festning, the main fortress in Oslo where we had an extremely brief look around. We saw the castle - Akershus Slott  - which was unlike many castles I have seen before as it was made of brick. I liked the dungeon part myself but there were many different rooms which were all equally fascinating. Unlike British castles, every room had its own unique character, charm, appeal and lighting which made every section of the castle an interesting contrast. Also unlike British castles, the military is still based there and there are museums on military history, not least the Norwegian Armed Forces museum and the Norwegian Resistance museum. Sadly, we didn't have time to visit them. We did see the mausoleum though, where many of the royalty is buried. A statue of Franklin D Roosevelt is in this complex, I am not sure why but I guess it may be a WWII liberation thing.

After this, we had to get the bus back to the airport, ending our 36 hour stay in Oslo. The road followed typical farmland really although if you like tunnels, Norway is the country for you. Sadly, they were just bare concrete on the inside and not interesting tiled affairs. Apparently, the railway line to Moss Oslo Rygge Airport goes by a scenic lake but you had to get a 4km bus journey from Rygge to the airport to catch it and this sounded like a hassle. Plus, you didn't get to see the glorious car park and bus station at Mortenrud - a must-see for everyone. I also liked the T-bahn in Oslo, although it was much the same as most other subways really.

Once we got to the airport, we grabbed another expensive beer (£7 for a pint of Guinness) and I bought some duty-free Aass, which is the best beer we have had so far. It was also the cheapest 55NOK (around £6) for six cans as opposed to the £13 I paid for a six-pack of Hansa for the previous night. Still you get 1NOK (about 11p) back for every can you drink in Pant so it's probably worth it. Still, can't complain, unlike the bloke who was clearly from Middlesbrough who was doing the same in the pub. Most annoying.

In Newcastle we had three hours to kill as I booked a later train, fearing a flight delay. We went to Nudo, a fantastic oriental restaurant in the city where I had a delightful Thai Green Curry and some of the best sushi ever. Sadly, no Newcastle furs could come out to play, but nevermind. We were happy, if not tired. The train journey back was a nightmare, stopping for 15 minutes in most stations, and we got talking to a beardy bloke who worked in television and mental health simultaneously. He had a beard and drew cartoons when people on the train pissed him off. He was quite a guy :-)
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