Do Us A Flavour - Onion Bhaji

[lupestripe]

And finally we have reached the end of our journey. I hope you found it as pleasant and as comfortable as the average National Express Train when you are forced to sit in vestibule class with the scary looking student listening to third-rate indie on his iPod whilst you try to dodge the strange liquid that is leaking from the toilet all over the carpet.

I hope you have enjoyed our little foray into the world of rancid crisps. Next week, we will review all the normal flavours just for good measure. Still, at least I never have to eat these things again (see the sacrifices I put myself through for you :). Now I can finally live again...

Onion Bhaji

The slightly cannibalistic picture on the packet belies the delicate taste sensation within. An onion-headed person who appears to have a bonce more aligned with that of a teapot than an onion is wildly excited about a plate that contains something resembling horse droppings. Apparently this was Carole from Durham’s inspiration so she has achieved something that only Cash In The Attic has also achieved – turning shit into gold.

Describing these crisps as “mildly spicy” is like describing Saddam Hussein as a very naughty man as they knock your block off – teapot shaped or otherwise.

Still, they have managed to capture the flavour of slightly disappointing Indian food quite well. They have even gone so far as to replicate the sensation of nausea associated with the food poisoning induced after eating a very dodgy curry. All they need now is to replicate the drunken stagger home after ten pints of Stella and the perfect British Saturday night out would be cannonised in crisp form.

Apparently this crisp will “bhaji” its way into your favourites as it will “tikka” all the right boxes. With puns like that, they may be right.

The parallel between these crisps and applying for a second mortgage is actually quite shrewd as the two actions are similar. After all, you expect so much from both but both leave you with a sense of disappointment, gluttony and nausea once the ordeal is over. Still, it gives a whole new meaning to the phrase “Credit Crunch” I suppose…

Lupe’s Verdict: 8/10
Wolfie’s Verdict: 8/10

Comments

[lupestripe.livejournal.com]

Lols - the vestibule class story is a true one - it happened to Wolfie and I on the way back from RBW in 2007 - it was truly dreadful. And yes, there are often people like you on National Express trains - why are you so attracted to them - is the humming of the electrics like a psyren call to your kind :P

A furmeet crisp, hmm, it would probably taste a little bitter but a little cheeky at the same time. There would probably be a bad smell emanating from the packet making these crisps not for everyone.

Credit Crunch flavour? It would cost the taxpayer £4.5bn and would end up being inevitably disappointing. This would then lead to feelings of anger and vitriol, the likes of which we have never seen before outside the pages of the Daily Mail.

[stuart-otterson.livejournal.com]

LOL @credit crunch

As for national express, free wi-fi Internet nuff said hehe. I'm replying while sat in one having my studently strongbow :p

Seriously, though they aren't as sleek as first transpennin, but good for what they're having to work with. Better then when the east coast was operarated by GNER.

[lupestripe.livejournal.com]

Discussed all this at the meet lols but glad you liked the Credit Crunch Flavour - just need the Oral Sex Flavour next - slightly soggy, slightly unpleasant with a bitter aftertaste. Come to think of it, sounds like Builder's Breakfast.

Still, not as bad as Bulmer's - you pouring that over your arm was one of the most hilarious moments of the year so far. And as for GNER/Nat Ex - I don't really notice the difference to be honest except Nat Ex got rid of the nice Piper's Crisps and replaced them with crappy Walkers. So Booo to them. And the incident I told did really happen.

[stuart-otterson.livejournal.com]

I still can't believe I did that in my drunken haze! Bloody hell though, you've paid to sell professional comedians and yet the most funny moment so far is a rabbit who can't even be trusted with a fly swatter mis-targetting his pint glass for his wrist! XD

[lupestripe.livejournal.com]

I guess it's the kind of comedy I like - nothing wrong with a bit of slapstick. But as you know, comedy is about situation and timing and yours was perfect :)

And after all, if you can have a good laugh with your mates then you know you are in great company.