A Lesson On Tolerance

[lupestripe]

You may remember that a few months ago, I told you about a friend of mine who lost his wife through a muscular disorder back in November. Today was his birthday and I spent the day with him, visiting a few pubs and museums in the area. After all the help he had given me to beat depression a few years ago, I felt honoured that he chose me to spend his birthday with this year.

Of course, today was a sad day for him, as well as  a day of celebration, as it was the first time in 32 years that he had celebrated his birthday away from his wife. Still, I think he had a good time and he told me one interesting fact - that because I am gay and was open about it, I had taught him humility towards homosexuals and those who deviate from the norm. Equally, he told me that my closest colleague had also learned a great deal from tolerating my homosexuality.

I have never been a big exponent over my sexuality yet I have never hidden from it either. Yet it is humbling to hear that I have changed the opinions of two of my closest friends simply by being who I am. I don't think I am all that special but it is clearly a confidence boost to be thought of in such ways. Meanwhile, I am proud that my friend decided to spend his birthday with me and to also have a good time with me, despite the mixed emotions that he was feeling.

P.S. Jacqui Smith has quit as Home Secretary. The most pernicious influence in this Government has now gone. Hopefully, this is the signal of good times to come, coupled with social freedoms that she fought so hard to stifle.

Comments

[dark-raven-wolf.livejournal.com]

that's always nice to hear...^_^

you may not feel like your special but by you openly being you...
you are showing people the proof that their opinions may be faulty

which leaves them with 2 choices... except the proof and change or isolate themselves from the wider world

BESIDE....^_^... you are a special person.... (don't make me do the list)

[lupestripe.livejournal.com]

I have always said that I am just me - special or otherwise, what you see is what you get. I have never seen the point of hiding my true self from people because it's always going to get discovered eventually anyway. I think people respect the honesty. It was great to hear that from a close friend of mine :)

[darkone238.livejournal.com]

Good for you =) I wish there were fewer threats to being oneself over here though.

[lupestripe.livejournal.com]

I guess the difference between the US and the UK is that you have a large active religious movement which mitigates against individuality. In the UK, religion is effectively dead so we have fewer of those problems. That's how I perceive it, I may be wrong though.

[darkone238.livejournal.com]

It's not so much here that religion itself is so overabundant that it forces its views on people (although there is plenty of that), it's more that our traditions, laws, values, and culture all were built from people who were religious (specifically judeochristianity, specifically protestantism). Even those who are raised without specific religious views gain the tradition and culture of a religious society.

While we're far from theocracy, the churches still have quite a pull :)

[lupestripe.livejournal.com]

I imagine that is the case. I used to live in Louisiana and the influence of the church there - in every aspect of life from family values to education - was extremely strong.

The UK had religious influence in its set up too but events since have taken a different path. As I say, I read that over 50% of people in the US go to church - in the UK that's less than 2%. The US is not a theocracy, of course, but as you say, the influence of the church is ingrained in a way that it isn't in Europe.

[neudlucario.livejournal.com]

I'm personally proud but I don't say anything about it in RL, mainly because there's nobody to talk to here. But I'm very open about it on the internet.

There is one community on the internet (which I'll likely talk about a lot :P) where I'm...sort of influential, and I've heard from at least one person there that got over his homophobia because of my personality - that was a great moment for me, because he was somebody I respected - moments like that always make me feel real good, don't you agree :)

[lupestripe.livejournal.com]

I am proud about the fact that I managed to come out but I am not really proud of being gay because it's just part of who I am. I also don't really believe in Gay Pride as I don't think it's right ramming views down people's throats. Still, I never hide my homosexuality - if someone asked me, I would tell them straight.

It is a great feeling to hear that you have influenced someone and made them more tolerant. It took me aback lols. I think the massive problem is when people think gay, they think camp, and this scares them. I think if they realised that most gay people aren't like that, then perceptions will change. That's what my friend told me yesterday, anyway.

What community are you involved in?

[neudlucario.livejournal.com]

There's a wiki dedicated to the Mario franchise that I hang out at a lot, where I like to think I have a lot of friends; There are a few people there I would talk to about anything, maybe not a smart decision but I feel like I trust a lot of the people I hang out with. :)

You're right with the 'camp' thing - I know quite a few people (mainly the fellow furs I meet) who might seem like normal people - if not for their furriness and homo/bisexuality. I can honestly say I don't show very many signs of it in RL (if only because there's nobody I know to show it to xD) - I guess I'm trying to get across that it's just a thing I am, like you said, it's not something I make a fuss about.

[lupestripe.livejournal.com]

I have a trusting side to me as well - probably true trusting - and I find this hard to marry up with the fact that I find it very difficult to truly trust people. It's an awkward paradox - I want to trust but find it tough to. It's odd.

I think the camp thing distinguishes people apart from others and this is where the problem is. Everyone is individual but if a cross-section of the gay community was portrayed - people would see that gays are nothing to be feared and are indeed "normal" people.

[metamorphosys.livejournal.com]

You should be proud of who you are and your sexuality. My best friend is a homosexual and he is a great person to be with (I think you know him, Avalanche). I'll be honest with you my friend, us heterosexuals could learn a lot from people who are homesexual in the sense of being able to express ourselves better and be more tolerant and to be happy :)

I am glad that you had a good time with your friend :) You are a great person too and you should be proud of who you are. I have never met you but it is a pleasure to be on your LJ Friend's List :) Take care.

[lupestripe.livejournal.com]

I do know Avalanche, yep, but sadly not as much as I would like. Am sure there will be chances to meet up with him though. I think everyone should be able to live whatever they like provided it hurts no one else. In an ideal world, homosexuals wouldn't have to say they are gay just like heterosexuals don't say they are straight. In a way, there would be no gay pride.

It's been great speaking to you online - as I say, I am in Singapore in a few weeks time so perhaps we could meet. I may be able to come to Thailand.