Woke Up In A Sorry Little Town

I'm having one of those dearths of creativity at the moment, like a writer's block where I have no idea what to write about on LJ.

I think I am just thinking too much about things. It's the same reason why I am feeling mild panic at every social gathering I go to these days - I never felt this before. Perhaps I do care too much about what people think of me. I know it's stupid but I've had this insecurity for as long as I can remember and I always feel I have let people down even though I know deep down I haven't.

Equally one mistake and I castigate myself for it. This then makes me feel I have let others down and then I am on edge. And then I castigate myself for it. It's a perpetual cycle.

I feel alone yet I have more people who care about me now than I have ever had. In fact I am lucky to know you all, true friends, good friends. So this loneliness my mind is creating for myself is a fallacy, a mirage and one I am finding so overwhelmingly frustrating. Perhaps I should stop thinking about things and trying so hard.

Still, realising your failings does allow you to work on them. Now I need to work out how to overcome it. Resorting to alcohol like I have done these last two weeks is probably not the way forward.

I hope everyone is having a fantastic Easter, be you Christian, Pagan or just glad to have a little break. I hope to be seeing you all around real soon (and hopefully not panicking about it) *huggles all*

Woke Up In A Sorry Little Town

I'm having one of those dearths of creativity at the moment, like a writer's block where I have no idea what to write about on LJ.

I think I am just thinking too much about things. It's the same reason why I am feeling mild panic at every social gathering I go to these days - I never felt this before. Perhaps I do care too much about what people think of me. I know it's stupid but I've had this insecurity for as long as I can remember and I always feel I have let people down even though I know deep down I haven't.

Equally one mistake and I castigate myself for it. This then makes me feel I have let others down and then I am on edge. And then I castigate myself for it. It's a perpetual cycle.

I feel alone yet I have more people who care about me now than I have ever had. In fact I am lucky to know you all, true friends, good friends. So this loneliness my mind is creating for myself is a fallacy, a mirage and one I am finding so overwhelmingly frustrating. Perhaps I should stop thinking about things and trying so hard.

Still, realising your failings does allow you to work on them. Now I need to work out how to overcome it. Resorting to alcohol like I have done these last two weeks is probably not the way forward.

I hope everyone is having a fantastic Easter, be you Christian, Pagan or just glad to have a little break. I hope to be seeing you all around real soon (and hopefully not panicking about it) *huggles all*