I Must Be Emo

I'm sick of Middlesbrough and the fact that I don't really know anyone here.
I'm sick of the fact I have to travel at least an hour to be able to have a social life.
I'm sick of my social life revolving around a hotel bar where I drink copious amounts of gin and then stumble home at 2am to get up for work at 8:30am.
I'm sick of being a borderline alcoholic who must have drank close to 70 units this week and knowing that I will drink again today.
I'm sick of people belittling other people's issues as "emo" when they dare talk about them.
I'm sick of the overarching feeling of pessimism, negativity and defeatism that seems to be incumbent within the Fandom at the moment.
I'm sick of the pervasive feeling that I don't fit in because I have little common interests with everyone.
I'm sick of people treating me like shit, going back on their word or messing me about when all I have ever tried to do is help them.
I'm sick of struggling to talk to people on IMs because I genuinely feel I am boring them and because, due to a lack of common interest, I don't have anything insightful or inventive to say.
I'm sick of always being walked over because I eschew confrontation. I would rather just nod and smile than cause drama or tell people what I really think.
I'm sick of castigating myself for having an opinion, no matter how benign or extreme that may be.
I'm sick of not being able to express this opinion in the form of an intellectual debate.
I'm sick of fearing that people will hate me because I have posted this or have posted other emotional things in the past.

It's fair to say I am pretty fucked off right now. What certain people have said and done over the last 72 hours has really pissed me off and I need to reassess what I actually get out of a lot of aspects of my personal life.

I won't be on any IMs or IRC for a while so if you want to speak to me, either phone/text me, do it through LJ or through the UK Fur boards.

And yes, I am sorry for this post.

I Must Be Emo

I'm sick of Middlesbrough and the fact that I don't really know anyone here.
I'm sick of the fact I have to travel at least an hour to be able to have a social life.
I'm sick of my social life revolving around a hotel bar where I drink copious amounts of gin and then stumble home at 2am to get up for work at 8:30am.
I'm sick of being a borderline alcoholic who must have drank close to 70 units this week and knowing that I will drink again today.
I'm sick of people belittling other people's issues as "emo" when they dare talk about them.
I'm sick of the overarching feeling of pessimism, negativity and defeatism that seems to be incumbent within the Fandom at the moment.
I'm sick of the pervasive feeling that I don't fit in because I have little common interests with everyone.
I'm sick of people treating me like shit, going back on their word or messing me about when all I have ever tried to do is help them.
I'm sick of struggling to talk to people on IMs because I genuinely feel I am boring them and because, due to a lack of common interest, I don't have anything insightful or inventive to say.
I'm sick of always being walked over because I eschew confrontation. I would rather just nod and smile than cause drama or tell people what I really think.
I'm sick of castigating myself for having an opinion, no matter how benign or extreme that may be.
I'm sick of not being able to express this opinion in the form of an intellectual debate.
I'm sick of fearing that people will hate me because I have posted this or have posted other emotional things in the past.

It's fair to say I am pretty fucked off right now. What certain people have said and done over the last 72 hours has really pissed me off and I need to reassess what I actually get out of a lot of aspects of my personal life.

I won't be on any IMs or IRC for a while so if you want to speak to me, either phone/text me, do it through LJ or through the UK Fur boards.

And yes, I am sorry for this post.