![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
It has been a mixed year all told, with a lot of uncertainty going into the next decade.
The major thing that has happened, of course, is the confirmation of Brexit, which will now take place in exactly one month's time following Boris Johnson's victory in the General Election three weeks ago. I still haven't really processed this yet, as very little has changed over the Festive Period, but no doubt as we descend into January, I will start to feel it more and more acutely and this certainly worries me. Having fought so hard over the last three years to try and stop Brexit, it is hard to accept that it was all in vain, and it's difficult to know precisely what I will do in the new year now that this aim is no longer attainable. Was it always an outside shot? Were we let down by the lack of a progressive alliance and poor leadership from both Labour and the Lib Dems? And, ultimately, does this mean that the UK (England and Wales at least) is now a lost cause and a place I should accept I no longer identify with? I keep toying with remaining politically active, but my motivation was always about retaining my European identity and the rights associated with it more than it was out of any loyalty to the UK - it was just convenient that those two aims happened to be aligned. I suppose the only positive that can be gleaned from this is that the situation is now clear and if I want to retain my rights, I will need to move to an EU country in the next twelve months. Wolfie certainly seems determined to do this and I have started applying for jobs in earnest so hopefully this dream can be realised at some point next year. I think this is where my hope will now derive.
Regarding work, I have received two promotions this year and a significant increase in my salary, partly related to the fact that I am now working for the parent company rather than the company through which I was originally employed. This new arrangement begins next month and it seems to be a different way of working, with far more monitoring, less autonomy and a far greater focus on targets. Whether this will work for me after a more laissez-faire attitude at a much smaller company is unknown, but I am certainly willing to give it a go and see what transpires. However, I won't lie by admitting that I feel that maybe it is now time to leave Leeds. Most of my close friends have either moved away or moved on, and having been here nearly ten years, I am a little bored of the place. I certainly feel more alone here than I have ever done, which is contributing to my desire to try something new.
After ploughing so much money into the mortgage in 2018, 2019 was one far more focused on travel. Indeed, February and November were the only months when I was fully in the UK as I've managed to squeeze a number of trips into the rest of the year, starting with the excellent Furry Not New Year's Party in Dublin in January. Utilizing the bank holidays more, we managed to tour Italy over Easter and Finland/Estonia over the early May Bank Holiday, both in the pursuit of Brewdog stamps (along with last week's Scotland visit), while in August we squeezed a pleasant few days in Cyprus, which marked my 58th country visited. The highlight of the year was definitely the trip to Argentina though, my first time in South America, with a fantastic con in ArFF followed by the truly memorable experience of watching a full solar eclipse in fursuit on the side of a mountain in central Argentina. The fact there was Wolfie, a Mexican fur, a Japanese and an Argentinian made it even better and this was one of the most special moments of my life, not just for seeing a once-in-a-lifetime phenomenon but the friendships it represented, all made possible through furry. The same was the case at my third FURUM in December, despite being ill, as it was great to meet so many of my friends again, some of whom I have now known for over ten years.
Relationship wise, things are going pretty well, with me gaining the confidence to be a little more open these days, particularly at cons. I got to explore pony play in greater depth in 2019 thanks to the support of some very close friends while I am hoping to explore my feminine side a lot more in the coming year. I have always been confused as to whether I am transsexual or merely gender fluid and I am hoping I will be able to discover some answers in the next twelve months. One thing I think will help is my desire to lose weight, which I will be starting from New Year's Day. A slimmer body without the masculine beer gut will definitely aid my mental state so I am targeting to lose between 10 and 15kg. It will be a slog and will involve some sacrifice, but I think it's key to improving my mindset, which has been rather rocky this year, partly due to my identity issues, partly due to politics and partly due to general frustration.
I am therefore hoping that 2020 will be a year of change - perhaps a new job in a new country with a new slimline me too. I am aiming to focus more on my guitar playing over the next twelve months too, as I am not as far as I would like with that, with the time saved by not going out drinking being put to more constructive use. I also have a book idea brewing that I would like to pursue and I do want to reconnect with some friends as well, so it looks like it's going to be an incredibly busy year next year. I do hope it's a breakthrough one after the last few difficult ones. I'm feeling strangely optimistic.
The major thing that has happened, of course, is the confirmation of Brexit, which will now take place in exactly one month's time following Boris Johnson's victory in the General Election three weeks ago. I still haven't really processed this yet, as very little has changed over the Festive Period, but no doubt as we descend into January, I will start to feel it more and more acutely and this certainly worries me. Having fought so hard over the last three years to try and stop Brexit, it is hard to accept that it was all in vain, and it's difficult to know precisely what I will do in the new year now that this aim is no longer attainable. Was it always an outside shot? Were we let down by the lack of a progressive alliance and poor leadership from both Labour and the Lib Dems? And, ultimately, does this mean that the UK (England and Wales at least) is now a lost cause and a place I should accept I no longer identify with? I keep toying with remaining politically active, but my motivation was always about retaining my European identity and the rights associated with it more than it was out of any loyalty to the UK - it was just convenient that those two aims happened to be aligned. I suppose the only positive that can be gleaned from this is that the situation is now clear and if I want to retain my rights, I will need to move to an EU country in the next twelve months. Wolfie certainly seems determined to do this and I have started applying for jobs in earnest so hopefully this dream can be realised at some point next year. I think this is where my hope will now derive.
Regarding work, I have received two promotions this year and a significant increase in my salary, partly related to the fact that I am now working for the parent company rather than the company through which I was originally employed. This new arrangement begins next month and it seems to be a different way of working, with far more monitoring, less autonomy and a far greater focus on targets. Whether this will work for me after a more laissez-faire attitude at a much smaller company is unknown, but I am certainly willing to give it a go and see what transpires. However, I won't lie by admitting that I feel that maybe it is now time to leave Leeds. Most of my close friends have either moved away or moved on, and having been here nearly ten years, I am a little bored of the place. I certainly feel more alone here than I have ever done, which is contributing to my desire to try something new.
After ploughing so much money into the mortgage in 2018, 2019 was one far more focused on travel. Indeed, February and November were the only months when I was fully in the UK as I've managed to squeeze a number of trips into the rest of the year, starting with the excellent Furry Not New Year's Party in Dublin in January. Utilizing the bank holidays more, we managed to tour Italy over Easter and Finland/Estonia over the early May Bank Holiday, both in the pursuit of Brewdog stamps (along with last week's Scotland visit), while in August we squeezed a pleasant few days in Cyprus, which marked my 58th country visited. The highlight of the year was definitely the trip to Argentina though, my first time in South America, with a fantastic con in ArFF followed by the truly memorable experience of watching a full solar eclipse in fursuit on the side of a mountain in central Argentina. The fact there was Wolfie, a Mexican fur, a Japanese and an Argentinian made it even better and this was one of the most special moments of my life, not just for seeing a once-in-a-lifetime phenomenon but the friendships it represented, all made possible through furry. The same was the case at my third FURUM in December, despite being ill, as it was great to meet so many of my friends again, some of whom I have now known for over ten years.
Relationship wise, things are going pretty well, with me gaining the confidence to be a little more open these days, particularly at cons. I got to explore pony play in greater depth in 2019 thanks to the support of some very close friends while I am hoping to explore my feminine side a lot more in the coming year. I have always been confused as to whether I am transsexual or merely gender fluid and I am hoping I will be able to discover some answers in the next twelve months. One thing I think will help is my desire to lose weight, which I will be starting from New Year's Day. A slimmer body without the masculine beer gut will definitely aid my mental state so I am targeting to lose between 10 and 15kg. It will be a slog and will involve some sacrifice, but I think it's key to improving my mindset, which has been rather rocky this year, partly due to my identity issues, partly due to politics and partly due to general frustration.
I am therefore hoping that 2020 will be a year of change - perhaps a new job in a new country with a new slimline me too. I am aiming to focus more on my guitar playing over the next twelve months too, as I am not as far as I would like with that, with the time saved by not going out drinking being put to more constructive use. I also have a book idea brewing that I would like to pursue and I do want to reconnect with some friends as well, so it looks like it's going to be an incredibly busy year next year. I do hope it's a breakthrough one after the last few difficult ones. I'm feeling strangely optimistic.
