Gays, The Church And Me

[lupestripe]

An interesting dilemma has just presented itself.

I am going to Cambridge on Friday for a meal at my college with some of my university friends. One of them is a devout Catholic and, although he is a perfectly nice guy, he is somewhat intolerant of my lifestyle. He knows I am gay and prays for me apparently. He is perfectly friendly - nothing changed when I came out - but it's clear he doesn't approve of gays and the fact I am gay. He is not nasty, we have a laugh and a joke, and ultimately little has changed. He is not a bad person, I just think his views are wrong.

That's fine really, people are entitled to their views and I have no real right to proselytise. It's sad he thinks like this but before now it has been rather benign and very easy to overlook. We all have different opinions and experiences after all. However, he is now urging his friends on Facebook to sign up to Archbishop Carey's Coalition For Marriage against equal marriage laws for homosexuals. To me, this has now crossed a line as he is actively campaigning against something I believe should be an intrinsic freedom in a secular and progressive society. And of course what he is doing could and will have a direct impact on my life.

I was meant to be sharing a room with him in Cambridge on Friday but am now unsure whether I want to. I will have to make alternate arrangements in either Cambridge or London but that may be for the best. I doubt the conversation would drift on to this topic as he is respectful of alternative views but I am not sure I want to tempt fate. It's a difficult one to call.

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Comments

[crystamartin.livejournal.com]

You said it yourself - that crosses a line for you. Alternative arrangements would be for the best - for both of you.

[lupestripe.livejournal.com]

You are probably right - thanks for letting me know your thoughts.

[bloodbeauty.livejournal.com]

i wouldn't be comfortable in that situation either. maybe see if someone will swap with you?

[lupestripe.livejournal.com]

I don't see that happening to be honest, I'll ask around.

[shep-shepherd.livejournal.com]

I personally wouldn't want to share a room with him.

[lupestripe.livejournal.com]

Yep, I fear it would be too awkward :(

[avon-deer.livejournal.com]

You cannot count on this subject not cropping up. This will lead to tension. I'd make other arrangements.

[lupestripe.livejournal.com]

Yep, that's what I am thinking of doing.

[silent-o.livejournal.com]

I had to live with a guy like that for a year. (college roommate)

He also walked in on wuff and me several times because he ignored the sock on the doorknob. (Nobody wears ties anymore.)

[lupestripe.livejournal.com]

What was his reaction to that?

[tinycorvid.livejournal.com]

I don't blame you, I'd definitely make alternative arrangements if you can. I'd feel really uncomfortable in a situation like that.

I hope he hasn't recruited too many people into his campaign, either.

[lupestripe.livejournal.com]

49,186 have signed the petition, although of course that's not all his work. Yep, I fear I will say something bad. I will definitely feel awkward. I think I'll make my excuses.

[alexf0x.livejournal.com]

Well I can offer a room, even if it's a bit out of the way as I don't live in cambridge, on friday (double bed, big screen TV, DVD player, internet, barrel of extra strength home brew that needs cracking open).

I can arrange collection but it will depend on what time that you are planning on ending the evening. Message me here or on twitter if you are interested or need it.

[lupestripe.livejournal.com]

That's very kind of you, thanks. Where do you live?

My main fear is one of me taking the piss. I imagine my evening will end at about 10pm but I need to be at Cambridge station at 9.15am on Saturday to go to London. This means I doubt we will have much time together and I don't want to abuse your hospitality in such a way.

[alexf0x.livejournal.com]

Ramsey about 27 miles out but neither of these are concerns, I've had to collect my parents from as far out as Cambridge at that time in the past. As for the trains I wouldn't worry, I live about half hour from Huntingdon station which has a service to London kingsX every half hour (I think the fast non-stopper express is every hour). I think it's even faster and slightly cheaper than the Cambridge service as well.

As for early ups well, I've got to rise early to let the hens out anyway.

[lupestripe.livejournal.com]

Are you sure it's okay hun, I don't want to be a hassle.

[alexf0x.livejournal.com]

So long as I get enough warning it's not really a problem.

[lupestripe.livejournal.com]

If I could stay at yours on Friday evening, it would be appreciated. I'll probably be finished by 10pm, 10:30pm at the latest. Would this be okay?

[alexf0x.livejournal.com]

That's OK just phone me about 1 hour or 45mins before you think that you will finish and I'll drive over to collect you. I will send you my home (best to ring me on one of those) and mobile numbers in a DM tweet on twitter.

I don't know what you want to do no saturday, but if you want to stay some extra time you are welcome to, and if you need taking back to cambridge, Peterborough or Huntingdon stations I can take you there the next morning.

[lupestripe.livejournal.com]

That's brilliant thanks hun. As the Portsmouth plan has been canned, I have a largely free day on Saturday. I need to be in London in the evening though. If you could DM me your number that would be great. Looking forward to seeing you :)

[alexf0x.livejournal.com]

One step ahead, now said two steps behind :P

I can get you to a station that has a London bound train (they run fairly regularly through Huntingdon to kingsX) later in the day if you want (though it curbs my ability to drink somewhat). Apart from that your welcome to the Ramsey experience.

[lupestripe.livejournal.com]

The best thing to do will probably be to play it by ear. I certainly don't want to curtail your drinking so I may be able to get a taxi or bus to Huntingdon - or I could leave early - I am happy either way. I imagine the possibility for me to stay later means we can stay up later on Friday evening and drink, which is no bad thing ^^

[alexf0x.livejournal.com]

This is true you can get a bus from Ramsey to the station in huntingdon, but it is a bit plodding with a lot of stops for what is a 20 or 25 min car ride. The Bus number is 30 and runs every hour until 17:19 and takes an hour to get there, oh and you have to add and extra 20mins or so to walk to the train station.

There are a few local cab firms as well, but you will have to call them up now since there is no taxi office in town any more. The cost I would also imagine might also be somewhere in the region of £20.

Yes I have no problems with staying up a little latter as well since there is no hurry in the morning. Also cereal or cooked breakfast in the morning?

[lupestripe.livejournal.com]

We'll see what happens, I guess. We certainly don't have to drink during the day on Saturday and I can head off whenever so there are no real limits.

Either type of breakfast is fine - it's up to you ^^

[harlequeen.livejournal.com]

We have a spare room in Cherry Hinton. Will have to check with my currently invalid husband.

[lupestripe.livejournal.com]

Thanks, that's very much appreciated. As I have mentioned above though, my evening will probably end at about 10pm and I have to be on a train to London at 9.15am the next morning. I don't want to abuse your kindness or hospitality.

[harlequeen.livejournal.com]

You'd be most welcome. We cannot however offer you transportation to or from Cambridge as Mark cannot drive due to his ankle, and I do not have a license. The bus to the train station does leave from the end of our road, however. And taxis to/from town cost around £9.

[lupestripe.livejournal.com]

Thanks for your kind offer, it's very much appreciated. I think this time it may be better to stay with Alexfox due to the change of plan but it would be great to meet up with you at some point :)

[guitar-stitch.livejournal.com]

I'm the oddball here... to each his own, live and let live, etc. If he wants to campaign against something, that's his choice. Just means that you have to work extra hard in the counter campaign. Keep it professional, keep it strictly on the topic and not personal on the individual level, and remain pleasant. Nothing diffuses tension and promotes acceptance better than being tolerant yourself. Regardless of whether it's race, religion, sexuality, or political stance.

[lupestripe.livejournal.com]

I do agree with you but once you start trying to convert others in such a way, or actively discriminate against a particular group of people, my tolerance does dry up. I will remain pleasant at the event itself but fear that, given there will be alcohol, the tension may bubble to the surface.

[guitar-stitch.livejournal.com]

You also are putting too much thought into it. Focus on the event and not on the conflict. If the topic comes up, very clearly state that you do not wish to engage in conversation about that subject at this time and that you respectfully request that he do the same. :)

[lupestripe.livejournal.com]

You are right. I think this time, I will stay elsewhere for my own sense of ease but I certainly won't bring the topic up.