The Prism Of A Pink Puppy

[lupestripe]

Yesterday evening I received a tweet that made me think about perceptions. It was from a casual acquaintance, someone I've never met, who told me that I was one of the more bouncy and positive furs on Twitter. Now anyone who knows me well knows that my demeanor is more on the negative than positive side of life - I'm prone to having strong opinions, irrational outbursts and spells of deep cynicism, never mind my history of depression. Some of this occasionally seeps into Twitter, and I do often fear that my timeline is more negative than positive. It's good to have it affirmed that this is not the case. The same was true earlier in the year when another person says I don't ever say anything bad about anyone - this isn't true either, as my close friends can attest - but I do eschew confrontation and don't like making people unhappy, no matter how annoying or frustrating I find them (which sadly happens quite often - my tolerance threshold is incredibly low).

Of course, on Twitter certainly, I tend to live my life through the prism of a pink dog. I won't lie; this is my aspirational side, the positive bouncy person that I wish I could be. This does seep into my day-to-day life, as Wolfie will attest, and sometimes it's hard to differentiate where I stop and the puppy character begins. It is so intrinsic to me that, aside from work, I tend to be in the puppy mindset most of the time as it does temper the latent feelings of bitterness, anger and frustration which constantly live with me. The pink puppy does at least help me take the edge off those feelings and I'm glad that my Twitter feed is seen in a positive light. I would hate my true self to be exposed on social networks - or indeed anywhere - as the cynical negative person I am or at least can be) isn't particularly edifying. I'm not a bad person, just someone whose emotional settings are switched to the negative and who has a lot of bitterness and jealousy for reasons I don't really know - I've felt this way since childhood. I accept that this negativity can get relentless, particularly to those who may not know me well, and this can only result in a downward spiral unless it's kept in check. So the pink puppy will continue, it's such an intrinsic part of who I am, and through it I'll try to experience more positive moments. If it's working on Twitter then I'm sure it can help generally.

Comments

[porsupah.livejournal.com]

No, your general impression, as far as I perceive, is indeed - well, much as depicted in your default icon. ^_^

We can't necessarily always be who we really are. But we should always strive to be such. ^_^ I've only met you once, so far (and very much hope that's just the first time!), and you came across - frankly, much as I'd expected. ^_^ Happy, bouncy, and full of insight. (It's not exactly difficult to see why Wolfie grabbed hold of you)

If I could offer any asinine advice, it'd be to try not to worry about feeling low. It will happen, but it doesn't mean anything worse of yourself. You are a good fur, and we all know that. That isn't going to change because you're feeling particularly self-critical someday, only if you begin consistently treating people terribly. (See how likely that is?)

[lupestripe.livejournal.com]

You're too kind, I guess I'm overly critical of myself, but then I always have been. I am quite good at hiding my feelings, however, and I do have this latent anger which sometimes seeps through. I don't really know how to deal with it.

It would be great to meet up with you again too at some point - to that end, I sent a reply to the email you sent me last week. Did you receive it?