lupestripe | Die erniedrigende Wirklichkeit...

NEWCASTLE MEET - 4th and 5th MAY 2008

Sunday

The Bank Holiday weekend heralded the fourth monthly Newcastle meet and it passed fruitfully. From the comments I have had, furs enjoyed it but if there are any comments or suggestions of improvement then I will happily take them on board. It's your meet, don't let me fuck it up for you :P

Wolfie and I arrived early on the Sunday full of egg mayonnaise sandwiches, scones, Diet Coke and erm, other stuff. We met up with everyone at the usual spot before I had to go off and do an interview for a local radio station. Thanks for baring with me guys although I must admit it was odd talking about the Boro round the back of Newcastle Central station whilst wearing a two foot strap-on with a pink end - the pink end being the tip of my tail of course :P

Family gathered and hot chocolate drunk (the lady in the Millies Cookies stall was very impressed with my tail - which is one of the first times I've ever been able to say that), we headed off to the City Vault, our brand new venue which was in the city but didn't really look much like a vault. For a start there was no big heavy metal door nor was there any dials or access codes required which was a bit of a downer.

Still, I was amazed that we had actually got a venue as this one was only confirmed at 4:30 on Friday afternoon. There's nothing like cutting things finely.

I cannot commend the staff highly enough in the venue. They were all approachable and friendly and loving the furry vibe. The phrase they had used after I had explained who we are on Friday was "Well, it can't be much worse than most of the stag and hen parties we get in here" and after finding out that on Friday night, they had had twenty guys dressed as Smurfs in, I knew all would be fine.

I hope you all liked the venue but I am currently canvassing opinions to see if I should book it again. There were a few problems - particularly the lack of toilet doors which caused an issue when I wanted a crap (not a very nice sight that, watching me on the shitter - those toilets with mirrors where you can watch yourself having a dump really freak me). The sticky floor. was also an issue. I also thought it was a little dark too but apart from that it was all good. Plus from next time we can bring our own music. Yeys!!

I started on the beer but quickly moved to cocktails. Their Skittles is to die but sadly I could not ape my hero Brian from Family Guy and get a Mojito. Do you think it's a gay drink coz I don't? Plus all I wanted to do was say "It's a Mojito" time and again to really annoy people. Alas they had no mint so you were all spared. Bummer.

I really enjoyed my time at the bar, even though the dark cubby hole where Urban started to run a little lair started to scare me somewhat. Equally there was weird talk about my arse, which I only caught the back end of (pardon the pun).

Still, I must have talked to everyfur there and it was great to catch up with you all. Also, to my delight, there were a few newbies there - particularly Shergar - and it was an honour to help him get acquainted with the Fandom.

Like a surprise castration, my tail fell off shortly after we left the bar, right in front of the watching crowds at Pizza Hut. I saw they were looking at me funnily but of all the places, why did I have to lose my member there?! Still, it was good to see that they had got pizza again as on Friday night we were told that they had "run out of pizza". My response of "So you're just called Hut then" didn't go down to well.

We traipsed in the rain to bowling, which was up a hill. Why was I not informed - I'm a lazy bastard!! Either way, we all fragmented into four groups and then got back together at the AMF place so order was restored. We had to wait for 40 minutes to get lanes but once we did, everyfur had fun.

Meanwhile I bought a bottle of rose (£3.90 for a glass, £7.80 for two but you get the rest of the bottle too kinda had me sold), which I proceeded to down. It was great walking through the amusements with a glass of wine in my paw, all sophisticated like. The kids at the air hockey table had a nice air of respect for me. It was class. Then someone bought me a second bottle of rose which I drank most of too. That was my mistake.

After the bowling we all headed back into town to the old meet haunt of the Baron and Baroness. By this time

bluewoozle was somewhere between horizontal and perpendicular,

bloodbeauty had collapsed in the street, I'd given everyfur a pep talk at the top of my voice (I am auditioning a role in a new musical about Brian Blessed, honest) about Monday's proceedings and I'm sure other stuff happened too.

Unfortunately, thinking it was a good idea, I started buying triple vodka and cokes at the B&B so I can't actually remember much else of the evening. I know I went home with

kennofox on the train whilst another group went back to mine by car. I know

redmoor was on the train too but beyond that I really don't know.

At Darlington station Kenno and I were hungry so we used the half an hour wait to head to Spar to get some nosebag. After perusing the shop I opted for a Bounty bar and then some girls thought my tail looked like a giant pink sperm so I offered them a stroke. They declined and I was very sad.

We may have hitched a ride back at Middlesbrough or perhaps we walked. I can't really remember. Apparently I was emo, either way I felt a little flat and needed some air. So after half an hour or so, making sure that everyfur was settled in my flat, I headed out for a walk. It was at this time that I thought it would be a great idea to phone

lsfiox and talk random drivel to him. Did I say "to him", I meant "at him" really. I think I just kept telling him I was heading "north to the River". The alcohol hadn't impaired my sense of direction as the river is north of where I live but I dunno why I need to tell the lion-fox this. Still, he was good about it and his text message afterwards was sweet.

I had no idea what my plan was but I needed to think so I sat opposite the Crown Court and did just that. Sadly, the warming embrace of the night was so tempting and I fell asleep on the park bench. Wolfie phoned, was worried, came out to see me and about two hours later I sheepishly returned. Sorry about all that guys, it's just at the moment I am doing through some really weird panic attacks and moments and things, sometimes I just need space.

The party was in full swing back in my flat, with music, alcohol and other stuff I really can't remember. Suffice to say, when we all woke up several hours later, there was much illness and hangovers ensuing - and we still had Day Two in Newcastle to go.

Monday

The carload of furs headed north,

bloodbeauty headed to York and Wolfie and I grabbed more really bad snacky food as we headed back to Newcastle. Delicate stomachs were the order of the day but as it was Urban's birthday, we felt it would only be right to give him a right proper shindig. Or should that be reet and proppa shindig?

The decision was quickly made to head to South Shields (local dialect: Souff Shee-elds) as the day was warm and the centre of Newcastle was soon to be descended upon by 56,000 football supporters. Being a Boro fan, I am kinda allergic to Geordie Zebras so I thought for my own sanity, and not lest because of how busy the centre of town was going to be, it would be best to escape. We did so by Metro and I loved the honking sound it makes when the doors are about to close. It sounds like a hippo being raped. Most invigorating.

Souff Shee-elds was lovely, like a faded reminder of how the Victorian era used to be. The first thing to say is that it would be

enteirah's Heaven as there was a Greggs, next to a shop, next to another Greggs. Also, there was a Greggs a mere 200 yards oop the road. I'd never seen two Greggs so close together before and judging by the girth of some of the women there, you could see that they were being heavily used. I think at this stage Wolfie found a public toilet that didn't work and kept playing with a swizzlestick. Strange boy.

Heading towards the beach, we grabbed an ice cream and chatted. It was a good vibe being emanated. We walked around the Amusement Park where Kenno was the lucky winner of a dildo dolphin - an inflatable creature with a big pink wang sticking from its undercarriage. I think it was meant to be the handle of a hammer but why, of all colours, did they have to choose pink? Either way it wasn't anatomically correct anyway as we all know that dolphins have S-shaped penises...

There were also many adverts of how not to take care of your kids in the amusement park. Firstly, a woman just let her kid hit the deck before walking off before a second woman refused our help at getting her kid and pushchair down the stairs and just drove the pushchair over the edge, with baby in it. Startling.

We also saw inflatable tiger vore which was quite fun if you're into that sort of thing, before we all headed back to another venue as Quasar was on the agenda. I didn't participate in this as my stomach was killing me - two bottles of rose wine do not a happy Lupe make - but everyone else had fun and I had more pleasure watching the weird mini-bowling lanes they had set up. The balls were tiny and the pins were held there by string. Draken, Wolfie and I had a go and we got the lamentable score of 50 in a game that was clearly aimed at the under eights. Sedric and his partner got 82, putting us to shame.

Whilst everyone was performing in the furry equivalent of an Ultralase advert, Sedric, his partner (whose name has escaped me - I'm so sorry) and myself walked down the pier towards the lighthouse deeley. Sadly Barnacle Bill was not there (he bought a time share in the Isle Of Bute, apparently there are better lighthouses there) but it was great chatting, particularly about music, with which we have a common interest.

After this we tried to search for a Chinese restaurant but clearly they had all gone to Tibet or something and we had to make do with Subway, where I paid an astounding £6.19 for a Veggie Patty Meal Deal with cheese!! Whoever put the words "Meal" and "Deal" together in the same phrase needs shooting, largely because it's often used to describe a sandwich and a packet of crisps which I would say was less of a meal and more like a picnic. If that. But then what does picnic rhyme with? Precisely. Plus it's just not a picnic without miniature Scotch Eggs and pork pies.

After this, we all fragmented, with Wolfie and I heading to Sunderland for a brief look-round. Here, two chav girls flicked stuff in Wolfie's face and I sadly couldn't find my way to Pennywell so I decided to just say "Sunderland" over and over in a mock Mackem voice. There was no one around to beat me up (the town had quite clearly decamped to Whitley Bay (Whitlee Bae-er) for the day so thankfully I was safe.

Anyway, there's my account of the two days. It was great seeing you guys and roll on June 8 :-)

Don't have nightmares, do sleep well *cue bombastic Crimewatch music and Nick Ross looking scarily at you - that gives me more nightmares than anything else on that programme, it's like he's going to jump out of the screen and eat you*