Am Ende

[lupestripe]

It hasn't been an optimal week, although I feel we've made the best of it. After being concerned that our house was becoming too full for Folsom, in the end, no-one stayed at all. This was for a variety of legitimate reasons - and two people will be visiting us at separate times between now and the middle of October - but it did make the weekend feel rather flat. Wolfie didn't even go to the Street Fair in the end, but I felt that I'd rather regret something I had done than regret something I hadn't. It meant I had to change my attire - I was going to go as full spandex Lupe but in the end just donned a rubber surfsuit and mask - but this went down quite well with a few people even taking photos. I got down there about 4:30pm and bumped into Clay and his friend Cornelious pretty early on. The latter knew many people from the London Fetish scene and he ended up bumping into them a lot, which only emphasised how few people I know here. I had tried to muster people to come out with us, but they were either not there or aloof, which is why I went alone. I had hoped to bump into a few people there but this never transpired either, although once Clay and Cornelious had left at about 5:30pm, I did hang around for Planke. This made me feel a little like a plank as I was on my own around the Qualgeist stand for the best part of an hour, but he did turn up eventually. This time also afforded me the opportunity to go and see Nighty in the stall next door, which seemed to be a purveyor of metal chastity devices. Looking at these up close was a real pleasure and gave me many ideas for purchasing in the future.

Seeing Planke was fun and he introduced me to his other friends, who were at Folsom. We ended up grabbing a drink together at the Dreizehn concession before moving to the dancefloor. It was typical dance hits, but accessable, and I had a good time meeting many more people there. Indeed, it ended up being a rather good day and I stayed pretty much to the end, deciding to walk a new friend called Robert back to his hotel near Zoologischer Garten shortly after 9:20pm. After I had dropped him off, I didn't have the confidence to walk around Berlin on my own in full rubber (even though I am sure no-one would have cared) so I donned a t-shirt and a pair of shorts, which only made me look more conspicuous. Not having had dinner, I noticed an opportunity to go to Five Guys for the first time since moving to Berlin, as it was opposite Robert's hotel. This I did. It was the usual eyewatering price but the burger was succulent and the fries unique, cooked as they are in peanut oil, while the Coke Zero mixed with orange was a surprise revelation. In the end, then, I made the best of Folsom under the circumstances but I would have liked to have a larger group. It was also a shame Wolfie wasn’t there – I understand his reasoning but not being with your Master at such an event is a rather lonely feeling and I would have liked him to have shown me around. Next year, we will strive towards this again, while I think we'll try and do the full suite of events including the PiG party too. EDM and casual fucking isn't really my thing, but I may as well immerse myself in the whole event. Let's see how Animalz goes in November first.

It was Clay who had convinced me to come out. He and Corenlious were in Berlin all weekend for Folsom and he had dropped me a message last month asking what we were doing. By the start of this week, he had an itinerary all mapped out while I was feeling pretty bummed about our plans falling apart. One of these plans was going to Nighty’s PetPlay munch on Friday evening. This is the second Friday of the month and as yet I had never been, partly because it’s largely conducted in German and partly because I am still in awe of Nighty even though he is a lovely guy. Clay’s flight was delayed but at 6:30pm on Friday he confirmed he would be there. I thought this was as good an opportunity was ever to meet new people and as it was merely one bus ride away, it made sense. It was actually in Café Hardenburg, very near where we used to live. Indeed, it was a place I used to walk past frequently while during lockdown. I was about half an hour late but there was still room on the table. It was great meeting Clay again and everyone was really friendly, even though the majority of people I spoke to, it turned out, were not from Berlin but were just visiting for Folsom. We had an English section of the table and Nighty came over for a chat halfway through the evening, while towards the end I ended up talking politics with a couple from Duisburg. We were the last ones left in the bar, leaving at around 11:30pm, far later than Clay had done as he was tired after an early start and his delayed flight. It was a really nice event, I just wished I had spoken to the locals, many of whom kept saying Spandau through their German talk. I should be back next month though and as you can get food there too, it seems like a good place for a whole evening out. Maybe Wolfie will come too.

We can’t be blamed for a lack of effort when it comes to trying to meet people ahead of Folsom, but maybe we had left it too late. On Wednesday, we headed out to Sommergarten James June for the English language BDSM munch. Alas, we could not find the group, even though they said it would be clear due to the unicorns on their table. I even wore a unicorn t-shirt and we definitely overheard the bar staff comment about the munch. Alas, we could not find them anywhere in the beer garden while the indoor part of the building was so hard to find, it was like one of those door puzzles in the Crystal Maze. We sat at the entrance to the beer garden supping a Pilsner Urquell hoping to spot people and while two people disappeared with no trace, we had no idea where they went. It was pleasant enough sat in the waning September light though. We probably should have just asked the staff but I am quite shy at the best of times, let alone talking about this topic with strangers in a language I don’t fully understand.

It wasn’t a wasted night though as we headed down to Salami Social Club, which was just a short walk (or two U-Bahn stops) away. Wolfie had never been here before – we had tried on his birthday but Thursday is slice night and it was rammed – but there was a seat outdoors next to the neighbouring Spati, which was blasting out French rap music. It was an opportunity to sit outdoors though and the white black pudding pizza was delicious. Basically, it was like the black pudding one I had had the previous week but with no tomato base. I preferred it with the tomato but it was still a good pizza, albeit again a little expensive. After this, we decided to go home, trying to save money and calories but we were so tired it ended up being something of a wasted evening.

Tiredness has been the theme of this week really and I am looking forward to next weekend when we have very little on. Today has been a bit of a lazy day but I am having to do work intermittently and we did pop down to a local festival in Spandau. This seemed to be for children more than anything – with craft stalls, hook-a-duck and the like – but there was a beer tent, some food and a live band so it was a pleasant place to stroll. Alas, we were there in the only half hour of heavy rain, which seems to have been our luck this week.

The only other thing that has happened this week is the death of the Queen, which engendered very strange feelings in me. I am neither a Monarchist or a Republican, but I still felt a weird sense of dislocation and foreboding about the future of my country. We are already in a time of flux and she was a rock-solid emblem of it. Politically, she garnered majority support and although I think people will take to King Charles III, it does feel more instability in an unstable world. I also kept thinking about my grandfather, who I lost in March at a similar age, which is perhaps one of the reasons why I wasn’t too receptive to the snarky tweets from certain furs. Some of the anti-Monarchist lot did their cause no good by lauding people’s grief, while being reminded of the UK’s colonial past by others wasn’t helpful either, despite some of these points being wholly legitimate. Some people were equating the Queen with the Irish Potato Famine or things that happened long before her birth let alone her reign, while others didn’t understand the largely ceremonial role she possesses. Furthermore, while some foreigners kept talking about the national mourning being a ‘cult’, much of it came from a lack of understanding of the British psyche and the nature of our country. Despite this, it was often HOW these points were made that was most galling. I believe too that sport shouldn’t have been cancelled and that the rolling news coverage is over the top, but it was always going to be thus. I think, right now, the time is to let the nation grieve and heal, before making points about the role of the monarchy, whether it should still fulfil that role and its relationship to the rest of the world. I do wonder, though, why some people who hate my country with so much vitriol could ever follow me on Twitter. Yes, I am profoundly frustrated and angry with the UK, and I do lambaste it regularly, but I do try and be constructive. Ultimately, for better or worse, it is where I am from and seeing people attack it – some with justified points, others in total ignorance – has hurt more than I ever thought it would.