Counting Down To Sweden
Feb. 18th, 2024 04:17 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lupestripeIt's been a very quiet weekend, largely because NordicFuzzCon is next week and I don't want to get sick. Consequently, we have largely stayed at home, which has allowed me to do a little writing and some con preparation too. Wolfie and I even slept together for the first time in seven weeks last night as our collective insomnia has seen us sleep apart recently. I have missed early morning cuddles, so that was certainly a good start to the day.
Thursday was the Fureigners Meet-Up, again at Brewdog Friedrichshain as it seems to be popular. There was a request to go upstairs this time as downstairs was deemed too noisy, although I noticed no real difference. Still, the range of drinks was as good as ever, while the usual suspects were all in attendance. I'll admit that the final hour wasn't particularly great as I had a sense of being left out, having been shunted to one side and everyone talking about tech-related things. This is sometimes the problem with the Fureigners group in general, it is very geek-heavy and sometimes impenetrable for people like me. There was also a lot of hugging and touching going on, which makes me a little uncomfortable, but that's probably more a jealousy thing than anything else.
The job is very much the usual and I rewrote my CV earlier in the week with the hope of getting a new role. I'll look to apply for a few jobs tomorrow. With me being off most of this coming week though, the imperative to leave is less strong, and I'll probably try and see it out for another month as I'm off in early March too. I am still learning useful skills and being in Germany means the money is definitely needed, but my mother is right when she highlights I am not engaged and this is making me feel listless. At least my after hours work has abated, so there has been more time to relax, with my mental health picking up as a result. The nights getting shorter has also boosted my mood, while Friday in particular was inclement and warm. We have a spider with a baby spider living one of the corners above the window and I want to get them out but I am scared. It's looking like they're starting to die due to the lack of flies in here though, which means we really should move them soon. As ever, though, I need Wolfie's help and these chores seem to take days to ever be actioned. Also on Friday, I had to break away from work to pick up my multi-pack of Walkers crisps from a post office over a mile away in a separate town. They said they rang on Tuesday morning, but didn't. If you had told me I'd be importing Walkers crisps three years ago, I would have been stunned, but they are relatively cheap and Germany doesn't really do individual-sized bags of crisps for some reason. It's most strange.
One thing that is dragging me down though is NordicFuzzCon itself. I've had a few calls recently to help arrange some events, while there is so much to do, I am fearing FOMO and running around. I also don't feel I am good enough. I'd love to have some kinky and sexy fun, but I always seem like an outsider looking in when it comes to this sort of thing. I have no courage, confidence or self-love, and all of these things are really getting to me. Indeed, I don't feel like I am good enough in most aspects of my life, which is a really poisonous mindset to have.
Thursday was the Fureigners Meet-Up, again at Brewdog Friedrichshain as it seems to be popular. There was a request to go upstairs this time as downstairs was deemed too noisy, although I noticed no real difference. Still, the range of drinks was as good as ever, while the usual suspects were all in attendance. I'll admit that the final hour wasn't particularly great as I had a sense of being left out, having been shunted to one side and everyone talking about tech-related things. This is sometimes the problem with the Fureigners group in general, it is very geek-heavy and sometimes impenetrable for people like me. There was also a lot of hugging and touching going on, which makes me a little uncomfortable, but that's probably more a jealousy thing than anything else.
The job is very much the usual and I rewrote my CV earlier in the week with the hope of getting a new role. I'll look to apply for a few jobs tomorrow. With me being off most of this coming week though, the imperative to leave is less strong, and I'll probably try and see it out for another month as I'm off in early March too. I am still learning useful skills and being in Germany means the money is definitely needed, but my mother is right when she highlights I am not engaged and this is making me feel listless. At least my after hours work has abated, so there has been more time to relax, with my mental health picking up as a result. The nights getting shorter has also boosted my mood, while Friday in particular was inclement and warm. We have a spider with a baby spider living one of the corners above the window and I want to get them out but I am scared. It's looking like they're starting to die due to the lack of flies in here though, which means we really should move them soon. As ever, though, I need Wolfie's help and these chores seem to take days to ever be actioned. Also on Friday, I had to break away from work to pick up my multi-pack of Walkers crisps from a post office over a mile away in a separate town. They said they rang on Tuesday morning, but didn't. If you had told me I'd be importing Walkers crisps three years ago, I would have been stunned, but they are relatively cheap and Germany doesn't really do individual-sized bags of crisps for some reason. It's most strange.
One thing that is dragging me down though is NordicFuzzCon itself. I've had a few calls recently to help arrange some events, while there is so much to do, I am fearing FOMO and running around. I also don't feel I am good enough. I'd love to have some kinky and sexy fun, but I always seem like an outsider looking in when it comes to this sort of thing. I have no courage, confidence or self-love, and all of these things are really getting to me. Indeed, I don't feel like I am good enough in most aspects of my life, which is a really poisonous mindset to have.
