Schuppen Schützen
Mar. 30th, 2025 05:24 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lupestripeIt has been a very quiet week followed by a very quiet weekend, largely on account of me heading towards burnout. I think there are many factors for this. The increasingly grim political situation in the US is ever-present, as is the increase in AI-generated slop. This week certainly felt like a saddening progression with Studio Ghibli styles being generated specifically by the plagiarism machine, despite the studio's founder being vehemently anti-AI. Meanwhile, I have thrown myself into my writing an awful lot of late. I have probably overdone it and yet I am starting to feel both envious of others and generally unsatisfied. I do wish I was more productive and give myself a hard time because of it, but then I went through everything I have written since early November and realised it totals over 60,000 words. That's a decent amount in anyone's books, but is very good for someone who has a job too.
The job is also starting to get me down, largely for the same reasons as the last one. I really want out of this sector and into something better. I want to feel like I am contributing positively to society and to do something engaging. I am spending a lot of time applying for jobs, both full-time and freelance, but the only bites I am getting are from those already in the sector I am in. This is frustrating as even though I have a load of transferable skills that will work across all areas of online marketing and journalism, no-one is giving me the chance. As usual, it seems more about who you know than what you know - nearly all of my interviews have come from referrals - and that doesn't bode well for getting into something new. I guess I just have to keep working at it though, but I do hope my fortunes change soon.
In an attempt to channel myself into something other than writing, I started playing the Loco Moto video game last night. It's a cute affair where you are a bear running a miniature railway. It is only in demo version but the full game is released on 8 April so I might get it. I have also gotten heavily into VRChat this week too, finding it a far greater solace than usual. I have an odd relationship with VRChat as Wolfie is on it most nights and I feel very left out. Furthermore, I do struggle to speak with people and make new friends on the program. However, I do have a few groups and friends, while the last two nights in particular have been the philip I've needed. I'm also 18+ registered now too so I can get into adult events. This is done with a sponsor pack and I may continue to sponsor VRChat as I am on it most weekends. I've been feeling the same about author Patreons too, but money is finite and I am struggling to make ends meet. This is one of the reasons why we have stayed inside this weekend - aside from going to a place called Burger Room in Spandau for a decent smash burger and cheesy chips last night - while our trip to Vienna next week has meant we have avoided being ill. With a trip to Leipzig booked over Easter and seeing my father for his 70th birthday in June (I'm flying into Edinburgh on the Friday and back out of Glasgow on the Sunday), finances are tight, necessitating a few cheap weekends. I don't mind the spending though, particularly as we know we will be leaving Germany at some point in the future, but I do have to be careful.
Despite this, we have committed to staying until the end of July now at least, and I don't know how I feel about it. Partly, I think it's a good opportunity to see more of Berlin and the surrounding area. Going through everything, we realised we still have a lot to see and do, so staying another month is good. Summer in Berlin is also wonderful (aside from the apartment getting too hot), so it will give us more opportunity to do things as well. The negatives, of course, are financial and social which we have already discussed. I'd also like to move my career on somewhat and feel the UK may be best for this, but having access to both labour markets may not be a bad thing. Furthermore, I still need to wait to see how things develop in the UK before I can make an open-minded decision on the future so for now, staying in this holding pattern probably makes sense. We also need to see what the law will be on dual citizenship while I am seeking advice on permanent residency too. Depending on what we need to do, staying indefinitely may make sense. Again, though, it's taking time to find things out.
Aside from this, I need to control my envy as I've noticed I've started getting bitter again. I am probably spending too long on social media, while YouTube Shorts have started to become like crack cocaine. One day last week I spent seven hours on my phone and that is a lot of wasted time. I need to rein some of this in and have a healthier attitude to my digital life.
The job is also starting to get me down, largely for the same reasons as the last one. I really want out of this sector and into something better. I want to feel like I am contributing positively to society and to do something engaging. I am spending a lot of time applying for jobs, both full-time and freelance, but the only bites I am getting are from those already in the sector I am in. This is frustrating as even though I have a load of transferable skills that will work across all areas of online marketing and journalism, no-one is giving me the chance. As usual, it seems more about who you know than what you know - nearly all of my interviews have come from referrals - and that doesn't bode well for getting into something new. I guess I just have to keep working at it though, but I do hope my fortunes change soon.
In an attempt to channel myself into something other than writing, I started playing the Loco Moto video game last night. It's a cute affair where you are a bear running a miniature railway. It is only in demo version but the full game is released on 8 April so I might get it. I have also gotten heavily into VRChat this week too, finding it a far greater solace than usual. I have an odd relationship with VRChat as Wolfie is on it most nights and I feel very left out. Furthermore, I do struggle to speak with people and make new friends on the program. However, I do have a few groups and friends, while the last two nights in particular have been the philip I've needed. I'm also 18+ registered now too so I can get into adult events. This is done with a sponsor pack and I may continue to sponsor VRChat as I am on it most weekends. I've been feeling the same about author Patreons too, but money is finite and I am struggling to make ends meet. This is one of the reasons why we have stayed inside this weekend - aside from going to a place called Burger Room in Spandau for a decent smash burger and cheesy chips last night - while our trip to Vienna next week has meant we have avoided being ill. With a trip to Leipzig booked over Easter and seeing my father for his 70th birthday in June (I'm flying into Edinburgh on the Friday and back out of Glasgow on the Sunday), finances are tight, necessitating a few cheap weekends. I don't mind the spending though, particularly as we know we will be leaving Germany at some point in the future, but I do have to be careful.
Despite this, we have committed to staying until the end of July now at least, and I don't know how I feel about it. Partly, I think it's a good opportunity to see more of Berlin and the surrounding area. Going through everything, we realised we still have a lot to see and do, so staying another month is good. Summer in Berlin is also wonderful (aside from the apartment getting too hot), so it will give us more opportunity to do things as well. The negatives, of course, are financial and social which we have already discussed. I'd also like to move my career on somewhat and feel the UK may be best for this, but having access to both labour markets may not be a bad thing. Furthermore, I still need to wait to see how things develop in the UK before I can make an open-minded decision on the future so for now, staying in this holding pattern probably makes sense. We also need to see what the law will be on dual citizenship while I am seeking advice on permanent residency too. Depending on what we need to do, staying indefinitely may make sense. Again, though, it's taking time to find things out.
Aside from this, I need to control my envy as I've noticed I've started getting bitter again. I am probably spending too long on social media, while YouTube Shorts have started to become like crack cocaine. One day last week I spent seven hours on my phone and that is a lot of wasted time. I need to rein some of this in and have a healthier attitude to my digital life.
