It Didn't Last Long
Jan. 4th, 2026 02:53 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lupestripeI had hoped that the post-Festive period would last until at least the end of Sunday. I have been working throughout, but real life rarely impedes during the Holiday Season and things were sedate enough that I have felt reasonably content, or as content as I can feel these days. All of that was decimated this morning with the latest geopolitical news and now all I feel is existential dread.
The plan today had been to go to the Furry BDSM munch at Qualgeist, but I have pulled a muscle in my arm and Thursday and Friday were both rather painful. In addition to this, the nightmares have returned, having not really been plagued by them throughout December. This has led me to feeling incredibly tired, incredibly irritable and incredibly depressed, which has not been a great way to start the new year. It has also been bloody dark and gloomy, which hasn't helped either, but at least the snow has added a little brightness to proceedings. I also managed to do some writing today too - editing two stories based on writers' group feedback - but even there I'm starting to lose hope. When I see writing posts getting far fewer likes than people taking random photos of things on the wrong shelves at the supermarket, it's hard not to be discouraged.
New Year's Eve was the usual. Rarely, we were invited to a few parties, but Berlin is quite feral and we wanted a quiet one. Oddly though, of the six New Year's we have now experienced here, this one was the most sedate by a long way. Usually, the fireworks endure for about three days, but this year it was for barely three hours. The highlight was just after midnight where we went to watch the fireworks from our balcony, with glass of Sekt in hand. We met a few of the neighbours and wished them happy new year, while one toddler was arsing about with a sparkler. Wolfie suggested that it would be a 'miracle' if we were still in Berlin for next new years and I felt quite indignant - there must be some dream I'm clinging to that's wanting me to stay. That is still up in the air of course (see my 2025 year in review), along with so many other things. I can see the pros and cons of both the Germany and the UK. Aside from this, we spent the day on VR, seeing in the new year with loads of our virtual friends. I have fallen out of love with virtual reality of late, but I'll admit that Wednesday was a good evening, and I stayed online well past 6am.
The only downside to this was the day I was most looking forward to, Thursday with Wolfie, didn't really transpire. I had spent most of Christmas Day locked into family commitments, so didn't have much time to myself. Indeed, by the time we had finished cooking the food, it was past 9pm. New Year's Day was going to rectify that, but Wolfie didn't get out of bed until 7pm and I didn't surface until after 4pm. I ended up watching an old Ross Noble documentary on YouTube where he is touring around Australia while we did get to cook the pork steak with pistachio crust Hello Fresh meal as part of our Festive selection. We had some red wine too. It was quite a relaxed day, but waking up at 4pm does make you feel there's not much of it left as it's practically dark by the time you get up. I'm sure this isn't helping my mental health, but at least we've had the twinkly lights on.
Sunday will likely be just another writing day as I have a few stories to finish and January is looking quite busy now. This is nothing compared to February though, which will see me be in the UK for two-and-a-half weeks followed by Nordic Fuzzcon. I fear I have spread myself too thinly again, particularly as I'll only be in Pudsey for three days, but we'll see. In the meantime, January is largely a work month, with this coming week my first five-day spell since November. Considering I have to deal with the immigration people, sort 2025 taxes out, and try and get booked in for an ADHD appointment, it's all going to get stupidly busy. January is also sexual health check-up month so I'll need to go and do that too. Plus I should really try and find the time to learn German, lose weight, and find a new job as well. No wonder I'm feeling overwhelmed.
The plan today had been to go to the Furry BDSM munch at Qualgeist, but I have pulled a muscle in my arm and Thursday and Friday were both rather painful. In addition to this, the nightmares have returned, having not really been plagued by them throughout December. This has led me to feeling incredibly tired, incredibly irritable and incredibly depressed, which has not been a great way to start the new year. It has also been bloody dark and gloomy, which hasn't helped either, but at least the snow has added a little brightness to proceedings. I also managed to do some writing today too - editing two stories based on writers' group feedback - but even there I'm starting to lose hope. When I see writing posts getting far fewer likes than people taking random photos of things on the wrong shelves at the supermarket, it's hard not to be discouraged.
New Year's Eve was the usual. Rarely, we were invited to a few parties, but Berlin is quite feral and we wanted a quiet one. Oddly though, of the six New Year's we have now experienced here, this one was the most sedate by a long way. Usually, the fireworks endure for about three days, but this year it was for barely three hours. The highlight was just after midnight where we went to watch the fireworks from our balcony, with glass of Sekt in hand. We met a few of the neighbours and wished them happy new year, while one toddler was arsing about with a sparkler. Wolfie suggested that it would be a 'miracle' if we were still in Berlin for next new years and I felt quite indignant - there must be some dream I'm clinging to that's wanting me to stay. That is still up in the air of course (see my 2025 year in review), along with so many other things. I can see the pros and cons of both the Germany and the UK. Aside from this, we spent the day on VR, seeing in the new year with loads of our virtual friends. I have fallen out of love with virtual reality of late, but I'll admit that Wednesday was a good evening, and I stayed online well past 6am.
The only downside to this was the day I was most looking forward to, Thursday with Wolfie, didn't really transpire. I had spent most of Christmas Day locked into family commitments, so didn't have much time to myself. Indeed, by the time we had finished cooking the food, it was past 9pm. New Year's Day was going to rectify that, but Wolfie didn't get out of bed until 7pm and I didn't surface until after 4pm. I ended up watching an old Ross Noble documentary on YouTube where he is touring around Australia while we did get to cook the pork steak with pistachio crust Hello Fresh meal as part of our Festive selection. We had some red wine too. It was quite a relaxed day, but waking up at 4pm does make you feel there's not much of it left as it's practically dark by the time you get up. I'm sure this isn't helping my mental health, but at least we've had the twinkly lights on.
Sunday will likely be just another writing day as I have a few stories to finish and January is looking quite busy now. This is nothing compared to February though, which will see me be in the UK for two-and-a-half weeks followed by Nordic Fuzzcon. I fear I have spread myself too thinly again, particularly as I'll only be in Pudsey for three days, but we'll see. In the meantime, January is largely a work month, with this coming week my first five-day spell since November. Considering I have to deal with the immigration people, sort 2025 taxes out, and try and get booked in for an ADHD appointment, it's all going to get stupidly busy. January is also sexual health check-up month so I'll need to go and do that too. Plus I should really try and find the time to learn German, lose weight, and find a new job as well. No wonder I'm feeling overwhelmed.
