Woke Up In A Sorry Little Town

[lupestripe]

I'm having one of those dearths of creativity at the moment, like a writer's block where I have no idea what to write about on LJ.

I think I am just thinking too much about things. It's the same reason why I am feeling mild panic at every social gathering I go to these days - I never felt this before. Perhaps I do care too much about what people think of me. I know it's stupid but I've had this insecurity for as long as I can remember and I always feel I have let people down even though I know deep down I haven't.

Equally one mistake and I castigate myself for it. This then makes me feel I have let others down and then I am on edge. And then I castigate myself for it. It's a perpetual cycle.

I feel alone yet I have more people who care about me now than I have ever had. In fact I am lucky to know you all, true friends, good friends. So this loneliness my mind is creating for myself is a fallacy, a mirage and one I am finding so overwhelmingly frustrating. Perhaps I should stop thinking about things and trying so hard.

Still, realising your failings does allow you to work on them. Now I need to work out how to overcome it. Resorting to alcohol like I have done these last two weeks is probably not the way forward.

I hope everyone is having a fantastic Easter, be you Christian, Pagan or just glad to have a little break. I hope to be seeing you all around real soon (and hopefully not panicking about it) *huggles all*

Comments

[kajidog.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

If you ever find a solution .. let me know !!!

I always thought it was a good thing, realising your failings (and hoping to work on them) .. in comparison to most people who seem not to care. But then, maybe that's what separates me from them - like if only I stopped caring about what's wrong with my life maybe I'd feel happier. Eh. I dunno.

Alcohol can be kinda helpful yeah =).

What I find also helps is talking about it (which you've done by posting, awesome that) and taking your mind off it by doing fun things that keep you busy. Cuddling with someone and exercise are my favourites but not getting too much of the former being so isolated ;/.

I think I wouldn't feel so insecure if I had more meaningful RL friendships that weren't based on superficial bullshit, still working on that one.

Have a great Easter mohawk pup!

[lupestripe.livejournal.com]

It's weird. I am sure everyone else has their own battles and their own inner turmoil, I guess people deal with it in different ways. Some are very insular, some are very extrovert, some turn to drink or drugs etc etc.

Sometimes I use alcohol to help me understand things as it does give me greater clarity. Problem is sometimes I use it as a means of escape and as alcohol tends to heighten my own sense of emotion, using it as an escape route is never a good thing.

I agree with you about sharing problems but then I feel like a burden. I know real friends are there to help you through the difficult parts in life and I would always help a friend in need but sometimes you think you just piss off those you love by being constantly morose or contemplative.

The problem with me often goes down to too much time to think. From that point of view, cuddling, exercise etc are good ways forward.

Friendships are an important cornerstone in life and one I greatly treasure. I hope you consider me a good friend :)

[kajidog.livejournal.com]

*giggles* I barely know ya =p but we'll get there don't worry hehe.

Interesting that you get clarity from booze .. I didn't really find that .. I was drinking a bunch last year, kind of to de-stress from uni when I got home and to make sure my brain switched off for a bit instead of panicking about exams and life and other various things.

Erf, anyway, looks like you have a bunch of supportive friends who will tell you if it's ever a problem =).

take care ! x
-k

[lupestripe.livejournal.com]

It'd be cool to meet up some time hun lol and you can learn a lot from someone through LJ and IMs. Indeed a lot of my closest furiends have come from these pages hehe.

Sometimes I get clarity, sometimes I get more confused. I think my problem is that I am one huge ball of worry and confusion, I tend to worry about things where there is nothing to worry about. Problem is when you use it to de-stress like I do, you feel shite the next day and then the frustration and stress comes back twice as strong.

Supportive friends are always good, I just fear I am pissing them off too much. That neuroses sucks :(