Woke Up In A Sorry Little Town

[lupestripe]

I'm having one of those dearths of creativity at the moment, like a writer's block where I have no idea what to write about on LJ.

I think I am just thinking too much about things. It's the same reason why I am feeling mild panic at every social gathering I go to these days - I never felt this before. Perhaps I do care too much about what people think of me. I know it's stupid but I've had this insecurity for as long as I can remember and I always feel I have let people down even though I know deep down I haven't.

Equally one mistake and I castigate myself for it. This then makes me feel I have let others down and then I am on edge. And then I castigate myself for it. It's a perpetual cycle.

I feel alone yet I have more people who care about me now than I have ever had. In fact I am lucky to know you all, true friends, good friends. So this loneliness my mind is creating for myself is a fallacy, a mirage and one I am finding so overwhelmingly frustrating. Perhaps I should stop thinking about things and trying so hard.

Still, realising your failings does allow you to work on them. Now I need to work out how to overcome it. Resorting to alcohol like I have done these last two weeks is probably not the way forward.

I hope everyone is having a fantastic Easter, be you Christian, Pagan or just glad to have a little break. I hope to be seeing you all around real soon (and hopefully not panicking about it) *huggles all*

Comments

[lupestripe.livejournal.com]

Heya hun, my home phone doesn't seem to want to accept incoming calls so I may not have realised it was you. I have been working silly hours again of late though (which isn't helping the creativity) so it is also highly likely I was in the office.

I used to be really creative but then I had the time back then. I am hoping soon I will have the time again and it will start to flow again. Creativity is weird though as when you force it, it never works but when you just sit there relaxed, it flows quite easily.