The Nature Of Submissives

[lupestripe]

Are submissives generally selfless creatures who wish to make others happy, or do they have self-esteem issues that are only alleviated by the opportunity to serve and make their masters happy? I really don't know my own take on it.

(And yep I am being way to psychoanalytical and I know you can't generalise completely - just interested in the psychological mechanisms)

Comments

[lupestripe.livejournal.com]

I have tried domination but I can't do it - can't get into the mindset. Part of it is because I am in control in my professional life and don't want to extend that into my personal life. However, another part of it is a desire to please and get the instant reward of being told I am doing a good job. Having cripplingly low confidence catalyses that, which is one of the reasons why I live to please.

[lupestripe.livejournal.com]

Agreed :)

[lupestripe.livejournal.com]

I think it's a more transparent and direct form of making people happy, which is one of the reasons why it appeals to me. I have low confidence so to be told I am doing something correctly is obviously a huge boost. Knowing that you are making someone happy and they express it regularly circumvents some of the fears you get in relationships, particularly when there is a lack of communication.

[lupestripe.livejournal.com]

I agree that it differs from person to person but then we are all united by a similar consciousness and instincts, meaning that the same base emotions are involved. I am interested in trying to work out what they are.

[lupestripe.livejournal.com]

I am certainly submissive because it allows me to relax as someone else is taking control. I have significant issues relaxing so this aids me greatly. However, my submissiveness also relates to my self-esteem issues.

[lupestripe.livejournal.com]

I think you're right but I also think there are unifying principles, based on human consciousness and emotion, that are shared. I am trying to strip away the individuality and look at it from a more collective stand point.

[lupestripe.livejournal.com]

It's pretty much why I am a submissive too really. My inability to switch off and relax has been the cause of a significant number of my mental problems and being a sub allows me to not worry about such things. Equally, however, the desire to please and to be told I am pleasing, is a huge confidence boost to my fragile ego.

[lupestripe.livejournal.com]

It definitely works both ways - the sub makes the dom happy and the dom makes the sub happy. It's why it works for me because it's both selfless and selfish at the same time. It's like charity fursuiting - you raise money for good causes but also get the ego boost that that is what you are doing.

[lupestripe.livejournal.com]

Completely agree - there is a difference between submissiveness for fun and being a lifestyle sub. I am the latter, I wonder if that makes a difference in terms of self-esteem?

[lupestripe.livejournal.com]

In its purest form, I completely agree that this is what the nature of submissiveness should be about. Luckily, I have got a Master who does that for me :)

[lupestripe.livejournal.com]

No, I guess not. It's an interesting symbiotic relationship and I think you can be both selfish and selfless at the same time as a dom and a sub. If it's completely empathetic, the emotion maelstrom is bizarre but it does work.

[lupestripe.livejournal.com]

It's just an interesting dichotomy and one I have been thinking a great deal about of late.

[lupestripe.livejournal.com]

Lols, I'm too lazy to be top :P

[lupestripe.livejournal.com]

I agree with you - a large part of why I am a submissive is because the nature of my life and work. I think statistics show that this is the case for a lot of subs too.

But then, on another level, I do have a psychological need to please. This extends way beyond being a submissive though - it extends to helping friends, supporting others etc.

[lupestripe.livejournal.com]

Heya, thanks for posting :)

I think a lot of subs have dominant positions in work. I am a manager for my own company, for example, but I am a sub. I think relinquishing control and being able to relax are two major reasons why people are submissive. However, I also think that what I highlighted above is also relevant. It's a very complex issue though, of course.

[dark-raven-wolf.livejournal.com]

ahhh..... I don't know if you can dig that deep with out spending your life on the subject

but nothing about humanity can be defined to a single thing one or two things

we all have the same basic emotional responces but it is in the way they mix (which is an individual thing) that defines the person

I do think I touched on 2 basic emotions ideas....
1. the need to be punished or degraded
2. the wolf pack idea.... by instinct the person bows to a superiour

*shrugs*.... it could be a simple as a lack of "normal" Testosterone levels or some other hormone that supports a aggressive or dominating behaviour

[dark-raven-wolf.livejournal.com]

judging from your responces I'd suggest that for you it's a way of coping and stress relief

you can spend a while noting having to worry about anything but what your told to do

[glennjam.livejournal.com]

Yeah I know what you mean x3 especially when you wanna please them and they wanna please you, so when you ask what they wanna do they say I wanna do what you wanna do, so that fails. XD

[lupestripe.livejournal.com]

I completely agree and what makes it worse is that emotions can't be rationalised, meaning that it is very hard to analyse. They do mix individually but I think you can probably sieve them back out again and this is something that interests me.

Part one is certainly true with me and I can account for the lack of testosterone too...

[lupestripe.livejournal.com]

That's certainly part of it. A lot of time I feel I am not meant for the human world due to the stress and anxiety that I so often feel.

[lupestripe.livejournal.com]

Lols, that's far too complicated for me man :P

[glennjam.livejournal.com]

<3

[dark-raven-wolf.livejournal.com]

that's called breathing lupe
every good wolf goes through it
it means you care enough to exist outside yourself

[dark-raven-wolf.livejournal.com]

*smiles*.... I'm with you.... the scope of the task doesn't stop us from trying!
just remember you probably won't just get one set of answers

----------------------
*tilts his head to oneside*.....you feel the need to be punished?
excuse my confusion...but ?you?
I can understand you being a sub.... but not that
you contain yourself far to well

[dark-raven-wolf.livejournal.com]

then you just take over and do what you know what gives them pleasure
hit every button on the remote and watch their face