The Nature Of Submissives

[lupestripe]

Are submissives generally selfless creatures who wish to make others happy, or do they have self-esteem issues that are only alleviated by the opportunity to serve and make their masters happy? I really don't know my own take on it.

(And yep I am being way to psychoanalytical and I know you can't generalise completely - just interested in the psychological mechanisms)

Comments

[graywolf769.livejournal.com]

I tend to be the selfless kind of person that just wants to make others happy. That sounds more nice. :)

[simbab.livejournal.com]

Are submissives generally selfless creatures who wish to make others happy, or do they have self-esteem issues that are only alleviated by the opportunity to serve and make their masters happy?

I'm going to give you the answer that boomeroo used to give me whenever I'd ask him an either/or question, which always used to throw me off—"Yes."

Of course, now I that little smart aleck trick myself. XD

[wruf.livejournal.com]

I'd like to think I'm in the former group but who knows. I try not to psychoanalyse myself too much.

[kiwihunter8.livejournal.com]

Oops, I realise in my comment I just said what you already said - you can't generalise!

IN which case, I say: from the submissives I've talked to (and in my own experiences with those feelings) I'd say it's about happiness gained from pleasing someone else.

They may or not may not have self esteem issues. But I think sometimes it's a control issue. When oftentimes we don't have the opportunity to do something simple to make someone happy it's fun to 'do a good job' on whatever it is the dominant wants.

It's a lot more satisfying than going to work and being just a cog in a machine where you don't get to oftentimes see the immediate results of what you've worked for.

[avon-deer.livejournal.com]

A bit of both.

[balto-mike.livejournal.com]

I'd say its pretty selfless for me, as that is a major aspect of my personality. However I feel I just don't have the mindset to dominate too.

[little-wolf1985.livejournal.com]

Personally, I enjoy pleasing my partner and making them happy. That is where I get my enjoyment, from knowing that they are happy and that I am the cause of that happiness.

[dark-raven-wolf.livejournal.com]

I'd agree with kiwihunter8

it really does differ from person to person

for some it's a selfish act since they get their sexual pleasure from being punished

others it's just a general wish to make people happy

others it's something similar to a wolf pack..... they just do it without question because it's their alpha and their an omega


me.... I take great personal joy in watching the minds of those I make happy work and swirl.... watching faces and moods...^_^
but then I'm not a sub....

[bucky-firehawk.livejournal.com]

i am submissive when i want and dominate when i need to be. in my case its all just a matter of being in the moment. how i am feeling and what needs are being met

[rebelsheart]

Honestly, that's probably a person-specific judgement.

[crystamartin.livejournal.com]

For me it's not a self-esteem issue as I can and have been known to switch. Those who have seen me as a Domme are few and far between, mind.

It boils down to two things, with me - the mandatory "I'm happy when I'm pleasing someone else" that's been mentioned a few times already (which makes life awkward when you're with someone who is happy when YOU'RE happy, yay vicious circles >:D), but its also a control issue.

If you think about it, I live on my own, drive my own car, work my own job, etc. I've got universal control over my life, a lot of it. Sometimes that is what makes me crack - there's too much to be done because I have to make every choice and I'm not always prepared to cope with them. By subbing, I give up that control. It's up to Master what I do - all I have to worry about is obeying him. It's a release from the stresses I go through daily, basically.

[darkone238.livejournal.com]

this

[lsfiox.livejournal.com]

I'd say it depends entirely on each person as every sub will be different. In my experience subs aren't all selfless but neither are they all selfish, there's different levels, though i guess it raises the question of where do you draw the line between sub to switch to dom/domme?

I like to think of myself as a switch and also like to think i'm pretty selfless, you don't have to be a sub to be content with making other people happy. :P

[lazyhowl.livejournal.com]

Thought over this one with my mind a long time, been dom in mindset but with submissive fantasys. Everyone's unique, I think self esteem only comes into it if you use fantasys to make your self feel better rather than just for fun. I've known selfish subs and dom in years online ie (one's who only talk to get you to rp and then not speak after. It's just a matter of the inderviguial more that what kind of person they are.

[actively-lazy.livejournal.com]

imo, both dom and sub should be out to make the other happy, so its not just the subs just to please their master, but the master should be making sure that the sub enjoys their time as the sub.

If they get this right, then should have no need to be selfish as they can be assured their partner is making sure they're getting the pleasure and comfort they need.

[slinkat.livejournal.com]

I'd echo what crystamartin said - I'm living alone with responsibility for everything...mortgage, bills, food, car, the lot. Then I have another layer of responsibility at work. I think being submissive is a subconscious reaction to all of that. I have to be in control of so much that it just feels natural to let go of it all and be completely at the mercy of someone else, whatever the scenario. I just don't think I could be dom AND have all the usual work and life pressures, I'd go mad.

[yingguoren.livejournal.com]

It depends on what sphere of behavior you're talking about. For example, being submissive in the bedroom is not necessarily always linked to being a pushover at work or in social groups.

Being a submissive person socially I would guess *can* be linked to a cycle of low self-esteem and indecision, although as with these things there're always going to be people who go with the flow because they think it'll make other people happy, and can do so with no damage to their own self worth.

As for how much of the time social subs are bedroom subs, I don't know. Would be interesting to do a literature search of PsycInfo and find out if anyone's studied it :)

Hi, btw. Thought I'd post because it was an interesting questions :p

[blueberrybadger.livejournal.com]

Dunno, i'm a top

[metamorphosys.livejournal.com]

I never looked at myself as a submissive although I guess I am as I am selfless and wish to make others happy :) Take care.

[glennjam.livejournal.com]

I'm like that, but I do it as a dommy, is that strange? ^^

[lupestripe.livejournal.com]

I am sure that's a large part of it and submissives are probably more selfless and desperate in making their partners happy, sometimes to the point of obsessiveness. I am sure that the happiness of their partners is what drives most submissives but I wonder whether that comes about because, perhaps, they don't believe they deserve to have a partner and they over-compensate?

[lupestripe.livejournal.com]

Lols that's not an answer but I can see what you are getting at :)

[lupestripe.livejournal.com]

Psychoanalysis has always been my weak point and in some respects my downfall. I worry too much and I think too much - I just can't accept or let things be. I think this is the main reason why I am the way I am. It generates positive and negative character traits but it does make it impossible to relax due to my being fraught with worry.

[lupestripe.livejournal.com]

To be honest, I wrote it in response to your post so it's not your fault for missing it lols.

I completely agree with everything you say - I certainly think that's an element. I enjoy making Master happy and that is what I live to do - making him happy, makes me happy. In some respects, it's a more transparent form of how a relationship should be anyway.

[lupestripe.livejournal.com]

You are probably right - it's a multi-faceted and complex issue. Christ knows why I pick the difficult ones to contemplate.